Greetings if you’re wondering why these anime reviews are late, and why Booze reviews from last week was not posted I have an answer for you. It’s because I’m in the Middle East! No seriously I am, this isn’t one of those things where we make up a story, I’m actually here, in an actual desert, where it takes an actual day to download an episode, wishing for an actual drink, because god this season of anime blows.

fall2012

And with that we’re back to status quo! But then again how could a season with To Love-Ru Darkness actually be ever recorded as a ‘good’ season? Granted there’s what I would say a general trend for not being out-right anger inducing sucky, and maybe this is the sober talking but things seem to be just meh. I’ll go on record that I am dissatisfied with this season though because while there’s a higher bar of suck nobody seems to want to do a proper chin-up and go over said bar.

Now normally I do a daily update thing, which I’ll be sort of doing for the stragglers as it were, but since everything came out all at once, and my internet is capped like the whitest kid in the world wearing a Wu-Tang hat in Harlem – I’ve had to do a large initial compile. Like before though, releases at the top, with initial thoughts on things I’ve not seen yet below. All images from MyAnimeList.net, to make it easy – so here we go.

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Name: Aikatsu

Subtitle: The “I really wish I had a dollar for every idol anime” anime

aikatsu

Summary: NOT HAPPY ALREADY. That is a massive patty. Slowest fast food place. AHHHH FUCKEN IDOLS I HATE IDOLS I SWEAR TO GO IF I COULD KILL ALL OF ONE THING IT’D BE IDOLS. YOU MEAN LIVE MY OWN LIFE – WHAT IS THAT. IT’s a lot of porn. YES SHE IS EXACTLY THAT THAT’S WHAT THEY ALL ARE. WHAT A POOR LIFE CHOICE. CONVULATED. Bunk beds? Really? Nope too creepy I’m out.

Review: Now this is the story all about how my life got switched and turned upside down, and I’d like to take a minute while you’re sitting right there and tell you about how I became the EMBODIMENT OF WHAT’S WRONG WITH JAPANESE CULTURE IN TRYING TO TURN PRE-TEENS INTO THESE PURE POP-STARS SO THESE GIRLS FEEL INSPIRED TO GET INTO SAID INDUSTRIES ONLY TO BURN OUT IN A FEW MONTHS FROM SEX, DRUGS, OR JUST PLAIN GROWING UP.

Date Added: 11/07/12

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Name: Aoi Sekai no Chuushin de

Subtitle: The “I’d rather see an anime about the Sega/Nintendo war ala Cold War” anime

SEGA

Summary: KNEE! Yelling is cool. Gonna die now. And because I meant the geological center there was a lot of lava. 20 bucks that monkey ends up in the females clothes at one point in this series. Aww who would even take that against me? OH RIGHT THIS IS THE SEGA NINTENDO BULLSHIT. No that would just break bones. WHY IS THERE A CHEESECAKE SCENE BECAUSE HE BLOCKED SOMETHING?!?!?! IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MARIO? IT IS ISN’T IT? Wasn’t that other guy the strongest? DUMBEST THING EVER. And her clothes blow up. And you want sex with him. And 30 mins late. Like he’s beyond double entendre and just sex.

Review: The worst part about this series is that someone will try to compare it to something Utawarerumono in an in-depth discussion piece, the issue being that this shitcock shouldn’t be mentioned within the same breath of quality, good, anime, or my existence.

Date Added: 11/07/12

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Name: Bakuman S3

Subtitle: The “Bullet time romance doesn’t even come close” anime

bakuman

Summary: She got the kill a crazy bitch eyes. How’s that best? It’s selfish. And then a MiLF. You’re the one being stubborn, seriously you guys are meddling. LOL REALLY COMMITTING THERE. Great now you’re a fuckup. That’s too bad, people have free will. Love will wiener? AND THEN SOME OF THE SLOWEST ROMANCE OF ALL MANKIND. What a bitch.

Review: It’s more Bakuman, which means you’ve taken a series about drawing manga with the slowest romance of all time, and rather than the manga which is nicely paced you’ve made the anime as slow as a diseased turtle who’s had one of his legs shot off. I’m a fan of the series as a whole, but I’m not going to recommend watching this – just go read it instead. And before you go into the ol’ well-the-manga-is-always-better rant – piss off.

Date Added: 10/06/12

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Name: BTOOOM!

Subtitle: The “The lawyers from Bomberman just saw Christmas come early” anime

btooom

Summary: Wait is this a video game it looks like it’s a fucken Crysis wannabe. CALLED IT. Light Yagami? Gearheads? Only 3? Lol bomberman the fps. Wait getting married in a non-rpg? WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE! That’s new. DAT SPIDER. WILSON! WILSON! Zombiemom. Bitch you got shanghai’d. It’s bombs. NOW THE GAME IS REAL! HOW DO I USE. Nobody surrenders to bombs. Radar, lol. YOU JUST REALIZED THIS? DEAD! That appears to be the idea. Wet butt. Get a job. And fanservice.

Review: You know this is a great example of how anime can really just ruin concepts. I mean you tell someone the premise here that you’ve basically taken random people thrown them on an island, and told them only 1 gets to live, and to do so they have to throw bombs at each other I’d tell you that’s pretty fucken metal. Now I may be judging this a bit early, but I’m fairly certain it’ gonna be shit.

Date Added: 10/04/12

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Name: Busou Shinki

Subtitle: The “Somewhere a (sadly more like a lot) doll fetishist is fapping” anime

busoushinki

Summary: So it’s like the thing from Chobits except combined with mechs and A HELL of a lot more doll fetish. That is not to scale at all.. OH so it’s digital battlebots with dolls. All I can hear is the marketing guy behind this muttering “GENIUS” under his breath at every scene. You should stop that hamster, he’s eating a cord. Let me guess it’s porn. YOU MEAN LIKE A NORMAL PERSON? Then shoehorned battle seq. Barbie’s dream house. Oh no it’s the evil doll that you can just swat away.

Review: Okay show of hands who here remembers bottle fairy? Nobody? Damn. Well this is a lot like that except instead of cutesy and a bit fluffy we get this, which is doll porn, with a bit of maid thrown in (which bullshit that outfit will come back again this is anime). Seriously though imagine Toy Story if it was slightly more creepy, and with figurines.

Date Added: 10/04/12

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Name: Chou Soku Henkei Gyrozetter

Subtitle: The “Bet you weren’t expecting this to be the one I quit” anime

gyrozetter

Summary: Ahh it’s a mech series for kids, how adorable. God all the tropes. WAIT TRANSFORMERS? Shit son you gonna get sued. So it’s a driving test for 12 year olds? Oh god hero crap really? Yes you’re a bitch – in roller skates, wait wtf is that? And by Freud logic that makes her main romance. Nope I’m giving up they just mentioned the words Prius Alpha, and I’m not able to drink.

Review: This is kind of like reading a young adult’s novel that’s actual for young adults. You just feel like it’s talking down to you, but that the story is purposely doing this at every step rather than just staying away from more advanced things. I mean sure I’ve seen shit that angers me to the ends of the earth, but at least it’s not calling me a child. And since you my fellow readers are not 10 (which if you are get off of this article and Nerdfit in general as you are ill-equipped to handle this here part of the internet) I cannot recommend this.

Date Added: 10/02/12

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Name: Chuubibyou demo Koi ga Shitai!

Subtitle: The “I must assume there’s something akin to Godwin’s law about skullfucking” anime

chuunibyou

Summary: Why would you ever stop being that guy? Sssh she’s mountain climbing the apartment. I whip my hair in circles? Butt dance. That clip is just in the way. Luke use the force. Nope that’s fate. SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN! Is this torture. OH shit. And normal. Lol. Really then. Roller shoes are awesome. Why are you beating her stupid then? Man helping people move sucks. EBAY!

Review: EDIT: Apparently I reviewed the lite ver. having seen the regular it’s okay. I mean it’s standard fare, and the Haruhi parallelisms would not be un-justified, but I’m willing to see where it goes.

Date Added: 10/03/12

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Name: Code Geass Akito

Subtitle: The “We now return to the British v. Japan Chess World Cup” anime

geass

Summary: BLITZKREIG! Why does nobody know? Because they clearly are out of place in the EU. Oh slaves for war. Kamikaze really needs to stop. But steroids always work. Yeah he crazy. Because dead soldiers usually suck at fighting. Yeah right. Spiderbot, spiderbot does whatever a spiderbot does. I could get used to jazzy mech fights actually. Wait is this Assassins Creed 7 or something? Yeah basically. Snooty snooty snooty. Oh great some incest, or adopted incest. I GOT KNIVES. Then suddenly Michael Bay. That was actually clever. Man that lasted long. It’s okay you can fight mechs without a mech IF YOU’RE ORANGE. Dude you’re the lamest suicide bomber ever. Go to the 2nd series. Well I’ve got this elite unit you could join. God stop talking about Napolean and shit like that – your dumb and your anime is dumb. Suddenly Schindler’s List. Do you often talk to the dead, oh he does. ZOMBIE or Highlander.

Review: Jesus I was not expecting 50 minutes, and to be honest that’s just too much Geass at once. (And honestly this really could have been condensed into a single episode). I dunno though, I mean we liked Geass because Lelouch was a badass puppet master, which at the end of the day this shit does not have. I think that’s the issue is that Sunrise thought it was the mechs, so we got R2, then when that failed they thought it was pretty boys and rich girl society, and mech like things so we got Sacred Seven, now they seem convinced it’s the whole mythos and military crap we all liked from Geass S1. It’s not though Sunrise – it’s not.

Date Added: 10/04/12

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Name: C0de:Breaker

Subtitle: The “THIS ISN’T EVEN SCI-FI” anime

codebreaker

Summary: BURN THEM ALL. Oh goody some bishounen fighting anime. Yes he transferred in, and pyrorotica. And no scars. Why are you letting that many misunderstandings happen. And there’s the moment to make him a nice person. You’re supposed to say yes when they offer justice. Lol trash worker in high-school. OH I see you’re going with that lame pun. Bravo. Beat up on that guy. EVERYBODY WAS KUNG FU FIGHTING. Until she got tazed of course. OOOOO. You gonna be in trouble. Shi- No the episode starting like 20 minutes ago, and there’s the character shots, dammit where were you all? Well he did say he was gonna kill her.. But she’s in the opening? So they won’t even have 1 female in this sausage fest?

Review: Sigh.

Date Added: 10/06/12

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Name: Ebiten: Kouritsu Ebisugawa Koukou Tenmonbu

Subtitle: The “This came out late from a season ago, so I only reviewed half of it” anime

ebiten

Summary: Yes that us the big bang. NO YOUR CLUB IS INSIGNIFICANT IN EVERY WAY. Did that just say Asstronomy? Yes they did. Is she looking at porn in school? No you’re English is stilted, CATS DO NOT EAT BREAD IT’S A CAT. Is just coincidence. MURDERCAT? Why is she naked? Then bondage. Wut is this. It’s a puzzle? Okay are you a dude or not? Nope mid-point and I quit.

Review: This kinda falls under lat season and this – it had a stupid release time. Why you ask? Well because it’s a stupid anime! Ha – I kid. But no. Seriously this sucks balls. Like sweaty balls. Sweaty balls from a sea lion. A sea lion who’s spent his whole life rubbing his balls on other sea lion balls. Which I need to point out that they are very gross. BAAALLLLLLLSSSSSS.

Date Added: 11/07/12

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Name: Girls Und Panzer

Subtitle: The “I miss the good ol’ days when tanks were driven by actual soldiers to blow things up.” anime

panzer

Summary: Already can tell this is dumb. AND THEN THEY ALL DIED HORRIBLY. WAIT DID I ACTUALLY GET MY WISH? Nope. They’re not gonna stop with the German are they? Well aren’t you creepy. God that is annoying. Worst monocle ever. Oh avoiding the family curse. And now it’s mandatory. Wow what a butch, and then it devolved to Hitler. Yeah cave to them, ensuring they always get their way, real great model. And mine has lesbian flavored undertones. I don’t even know who this is for, like I can only assume – JESUS WORLD ON A TURTLE AIRCRAFT CARRIER – it’s for people who want to watch something and don’t want plot, substance, fanservice, likable anything. Essentially you watch this if you’re a nerd about tanks, and if that’s enough to suffer through the rest of this then god should you be run over by tank.

Review: You know my summary does a fair job of reviewing this. If you watch this anime, then fundamentally you don’t like anime as form of storytelling, you like it because you like the medium of little girls drawn on a screen.

Date Added: 10/08/12

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Name: Haitai Nanafa

Subtitle: The “You know it’s bad when the subbing community does not care” anime

haitai

Summary: No one is subbing this so I’ll rate the ending, It did not go well. Also too many lolis.

Review: I have nothing to review. Instead I’ll recite a list of things that are better than this anime. Girls who are of legal age. Boobs. That is all.

Date Added: 11/07/12

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Name: Hayate no Gotoku! I can’t take my eyes off you

Subtitle: The “I can’t make a larger subtitle” anime

hayate

Summary: VEGAS BABY! Then Rie Kugimiya died alone in a desert, and it was too kind a death for her. This is the police – wtf? She did that for you. Aliens. And then a lot of bullshit to advance the plot. Lol. Bitches be causin mo problems. Whut. It’s not about the flavor, it’s because anime is dumb and secondary kisses. SHI- He doesn’t care just gonna steal that bike. Yo sweet handbrake turn. Yeah that’s the point. COME WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE.

Review: I like Hayate, actually I suppose I liked Hayate is more accurate. I know that my Rie Kugimya hate knows no bounds, but the anime was funny, and was done at the right time in the right way, and now it’s jumped the shark, overstayed it’s welcome, beaten the dead horse, and farted it’s way  to Romania. If you like Hayate the Combat Butler just move along, and hold true to the hopes that once day a certain voice actress will meet a certain painful death.

Date Added: 10/03/12

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Name: Hidamari Sketch x Honeycomb

Subtitle: The “It’s like the Dreamworks face if it were silly putty” anime

hidamari

Summary: Here we go again, I’m certain we didn’t need another series of this. Wait who talks to themselves at the same time? Wow the faces are really flattening. Then the secret lesbian meeting was over. THAT’S WHAT THAT IS? Awkward. That’s not how motion sickness works, I doubt being a lesbian makes you immune. Did she just call dibs? That’s not how Pinnochio works. GOD IF THAT IS NOT THE DERP-EIST THING IN THE WORLD. Were you going to roofie her?

Review: By the end of this there will be 50+ Hidamari Sketch episodes. And you know what I like this series, but god damn if that doesn’t piss me off. The issue being that Shaft is really good, and I like them, but I kinda wish they would let this go and go animate some really cool project. This series honestly didn’t need more than a single season. I was okay with it because at least I knew the steps, but now the dance with this anime has become a workout routine and I’m really beginning to tire of it.

Date Added: 10/04/12

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Name: Hiiro no Kakera S2

Subtitle: The “I can’t think of a good harem/reverse-harem anime that was an S2” anime

hiiro-kakera

Summary: Nice and peaceful then suddenly without warning dinosaurs from space blow up the moon. (Not true. Sorry to get your hopes up). Then  just a flood of bishounen. Was the symbolism there for bukkake, but using leaves? Oh shit I started playing freecell, damn only skipped 5 minutes. Wait that’s the first season – man treading some new ground there. Okay if this is just gonna be flashbacks I’m cutting my losses now.

Review: Like you have to wonder who likes this kind of thing? Either A. This person is really into polygamy, or B. Just wants men to fight over her love. I suppose female harem shows are just about the dude banging everything, but there’s at least enjoyment in trying to watch them do so. I can’t see anyone getting much enjoyment about a fickle woman choosing which pretty boy she wants to be with.

Date Added: 10/04/12

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Name: Initial D Fifth Stage

Subtitle: The “The anime about racing release last forcing me to delay reviews…. Irony” anime

InitialD

Summary: SPEEDCAR SPEEDCAR. WHY IS THERE DUBSTEP? Did that car just E.T. ? Alright there’s a gear change, and clip the apex, and got it. 1-Handed steering is pro moves. The real challenge is 5 seasons in, that’s a slow buildup. Whut. The cg is just hilarious. Lol copycats. Calling you bitches out. Slapped. WIAT YOU MEAN ACTUALLY USING A CELLPHONE AS A MODERN CONVENIENCE? Very easily? Time to show those bitches up. Hype music. And he called you ugly. And over.

Review: I’m fine with the anime, I mean it’s Initial D you know what you;re stepping into. However just the blatant references to things like – it all starts, now, this is the real race, etc tends to lose value when I see fifth stage at the top. I mean no lie when in a JRPG and the guys got like 3 forms and he’s like this is my true power – it’s kinda okay, when this happens a lot it sort of loses impact.

Date Added: 11/07/12

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Name: Ixion Saga DT

Subtitle: The “The title makes it sound like a horse anime” anime

ixion

Summary: Listen buddy unless the planet blows up you can’t just tack on world-end to your paragraph long attack. HAVE SHORTER MOVES. Stop saying DT japan old animu fags will just giggle. How does this think it will compare to Sword Art Online at all.. That escalated. Trap door? Right on his head. Shinkick, or just a punch. LOL princess fake-out. Is that a guy? It’s arranged marriages who cares. YEAH YOU ARE MAKING THINGS WEIRD. WAIT HYPERION CORP? JESUS THIS GUY IS ANIME HANDSOME JACK! RIGHT IN THE NUTS.

Review: This animes only redeeming quality is to make me appreciate Sword Art Online a little more and look past of bit of SAO’s flaws, because holy golf shit balls is this anime worse. This truly is the poster-child for my statement of anime this season – which is overall slightly better than most, but still shit.

Date Added: 10/07/12

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Name: JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure

Subtitle: The “DIO TIME TO GO!” anime

jojo

Summary: Robbing the dead. JOESTAR THAT IS THE DUMBEST NAME EVER.Spider mask? Get dat whiskey money. You guys should be like 17 not 8. Worst fight ever. I TOO WEAR MY FEELINGS ON MY SLEEVE AND SHOUT ABOUT IT. I dunno but he comes with action lines so there’s that. THEY’RE 12 – BULLSHIT! They let 12 year olds box? And the goal is face punching? Ahh young love, time for DIO to crush it. Metal kiss dude. SMACK MY BITCH UP! Damn you got beat. Killing the dog too?

Review: Honestly I didn’t like the old series, and I’m not a fan of this. I mean if I’ve got no issues with the art, but if I wanted 80’s character building, and 80’s plot storytelling I’d probably be stupid.

Date Added: 10/05/12

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Name: Jormungand 2

Subtitle: The “Not actually about a big snake if you know what I mean” anime

jormungand

Summary: Time for some bad Black Lagoon wannabee. Well she’s quick. That face. I SEE THE RAINS DOWN IN AFRICA! It’s like face/off, but with tits. Well then again Travolta. So you launched a rocket? It’s gonna get shot down. And then they let him drink, or not – good job anime. Wait is he a double agent? You either die a hero or you know the rest. Is that necessary? Dead.

Review: Wasn’t Black Lagoon just an awesome series? I mean the development of Rock from a herbivore businessman thrown into the lifestyle of Revy who’s just an awesome character. The interactions between their group and all of the crazy shit around Rangpur (sp?) then just some awesome gunfights and dark drama, man shit was so good. Oh this – I should review this? Nah.

Date Added: 10/02/12

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Name: K

Subtitle: The “Shibuya is for losers” anime

k

Summary: Damn it feels good to be a pretty boy gangsta. That is not your dad.. Damn got him good. Is he gonna skateboard off a building. SOUNDS LIKE ENGRISH. Oh well property damage for you. His sword is a building dude? Time for school bullshit. That’s the issue, you want feed him veggies? So nobody notices the dancing naked girl? Boring. Shit son you are being tailed. Lol the 3D. NICE.

Review: I suppose the issue here is that this, much like Durarararararararara is trying to portray a lifestyle and culture of a certain area in Japan, albeit with some fantasy/magical twists. Which is fine, expect that aside from people in this time period who care about said area – aka everyone else, simply does not give a shit.

Date Added: 10/04/12

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Name: Kamisama Kiss

Subtitle: The “Sadly does not translate to KISS OF GOD” anime

kamisama

Summary: God could this be any more chick-y? So lesbians or reverse harem? THERE’S the mountain of bishounen, should have known they were coming. Hayate? Okay, free house – I assume it’s full of dudes. I think I’m a god now, there’s always people praying to me. MY HOME IS DEAD. Lol Bruce Almighty. Man she harps about her lack of home a lot. A woman with complete control – what a surprise. It’s a trap. And she goes for the kiss.

Review: I’ve been told I have a sopping vagina for shoujo. Let me make it abundantly clear that there is romance, and then there’s this shit. This shit is shit. It’s just so shitty that you can’t even give a shit about all the shit, because it’s just shit. I mean if I even had a shit’s worth of shit to give this anime would not receive a single shit for being such a shit.

Date Added: 10/01/12

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Name: Kyousogiga

Subtitle: The “Everybody was indeed “Kung-fu-fighting” as the kids call it” anime

kyousogiga

Summary: Yo shit better be getting epically nostalgic. Spake? Not really anything was explained there. SHIT, she straight up kicked their asses. WAIT RIE IS IN THIS TOO? Goddammit we need to find someone else to play bratty loli’s. I’m lost now. DAT TABLE FLIP.

Review: I like this, but I would have rather had an actual anime about it, as this doesn’t seem suited to the quick short burst it had.

Date Added: 08/31/12

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Name: Little Busters

Subtitle: The “With the kids sing out the future” anime

FLCL

Summary: Fightin time. He’s asleep though. Roundhouse. And childhood, YO DON’T FIGHT THOSE BEES. WAIT DID THEY JUST GIVE HIM 3rd DEGREE BURNS? And I will walk 500 miles, and I will walk 500 more. Original naming is not his forte. Oh right for the same intro experience – go here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KhNN9GIbsS0 Lol. And broken ribs. What. Haha. Not even real words. This man knows what he’s doing. Beat her up?

Review: I was excited for this from Haruhi and Angel Beats fame, but then it was about baseball and I stopped caring. This may seem mean and short to the point, but fuck this noise. I’ll watch it because Cross Game was also about baseball, and was really good, but I don’t see that happening here.

Date Added: 10/06/12

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Name: Lychee Light Club

Subtitle: The “There is a special hell for this anime” anime

hikari

Summary: Burn the basket head. Gross, Double gross. True point. Doo – gel it? Black magic, actually punching works. Spoiling manga is going too far. Huh? What

Review: You know since America moved out of it;s goth phase and into hipsters, I wonder if Japan will move out of the goth-loli phase. I mean don’t get me wrong characters like Stocking from PS&G are great but, a whole anime about them? NAH.

Date Added: 11/07/12

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Name: Magi

Subtitle: The “ARABIAN NIGHTS  ‘Neath Arabian moons” anime

magi

Summary: I want. Infinite wishes. How appropriate to where I am. Hmm now to play the game of short or long shounen. Fat kid stowaway, and he’s rubbing that guys tits. Murdered. Dungeon crawling for the win. Money is pretty baller, a whole country. All the lemons. BREAK THE CHAINS. And you’re gonna get hurt. MAGIC TIME CUE THE SWEET MUSIC. Drowning in tits. WOW. I can’t. And he caved. GIANT PLANT MONSTER.  Nice. Genie time! Getting plants drunk 2012. He’s got a flying carpet and a genie, really? You think he’ll listen?

Review: Okay let me lay out on the line (2 on the vine) I do not like being in the Middle East, and since this anime really is about as much about the Middle East as Top Gun was about the Air Force then you can understand that when I say I like Magi I’m not biased. Okay I’m very biased, but not in –oh you understand jesus shit. Anyway Magi is a good show, and though it appears to be setting up for a long haul I just really hope it’s a 52 episode that fully uses that 52 like FMA.

Date Added: 10/07/12

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Name: Medaka Box S2 Abnormal

Subtitle: The “You say abnormal I say bad X-Men” anime

medaka

Summary: This coming from the dude with black eyes. You’ve got a thing on your head dude. I mean I know anime chars get antennas, but that’s beyond that. Wait really? God this looks dumber than I remember. Man he’d kill in Yahtzee. Dumb. What a pack of jackasses. You’re just saying numbers… Dumbest logic ever. PUNCH! You’ve nearly pulled her shirt off.. SUPLEX, and now William is narrating moves.

Review: Words.

Date Added: 10/10/12

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Name: Onii-chan Dakeko Ai Sai Areba Kankei Nai yo ne–

Subtitle: The “Men bang friend’s sister, Japan has no friends, chooses only option” anime

onii-chan

Summary: Really long name with Onii-chan at start let’s see how long before it exposes it’s an incest anime where the female wants it bad. Fuck you imma cat. Okay fairly chaste so far, but that can only last so long. You are entirely too cheerful. 6:10 Ladies and gentlemen 6:10 before it happened. Another chance? You really expect him to just whip it out and do you? And then wrong kind of love. Oh so they’re just going to skip the bits where random people show up, or flashback to it? Really… And the hat drops . . . now. Seriously though in a choice between 4 chicks who want you, who’d pick their sister – only Japan.

Review: At least good on this anime to get the bullshit my sister likes me but let’s introduce 3 other characters for my harem now bit and condensed that into a single episode instead of the first 4. Now let’s hope the anime is actually the horrible black hole it is, and condenses itself so tightly that it become a speck of nothing and winks out of existence.

Date Added: 10/05/12

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Name: Psycho-Pass

Subtitle: The “This week on endearing police girl surrounded by pretty-boy-men” anime

psycho

Summary: Well it’s sci-fi I got that much. Holograms really are not best for stopping people. Nice haircut. A hue check what is he green and not orange? Oh it actually was a color check. So an elite team. Well there goes any sense of GiTS. A gun that thinks and only goes for the kill on bad guys; how convenient. It has a hud too? Then rape scene. He was shot? MEATSPLOSION! Look what I did with just a few cans of gas. Then comes the paperwork.

Review: You know the premise here is fairly solid, sadly they’ve filled the anime with pretty bishounen, rather than just a collection of people. And that’s the kind of thing that makes the great animes great. I mean look at Ghost in the Shell, it does suffer from the smurfette principle, but you know what at least I don’t feel like there will ever be a moment where the Major is trapped under a guy who tried to shield here and gets flustered – WHICH WILL TOTALLY HAPPEN AT SOME POINT IN THIS ANIME.

Date Added: 10/11/12

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Name: Robotics;Notes

Subtitle: The “Don’t tell me the semi-colon is just Japan looking for more symbols to throw into titles” anime

robotics

Summary: Wait a semi-colon, the clock font from Steins;Gate, weird names, WHERE ARE YOU HIDING THE BODIES. Oh nope actual mech anime. And Japan shows us the future of their AR tech. Not really, creators suck at their own game. No faith. Robots are cool dude, no need to get that angry. Mmm oil. Then deadlock. Who cancels a final episode, most people would just say screw it at that point. Lol. AOL?! IT’S BACK DEAR GOD IT’S BACK GET OUT! GET OUT NOW! BEFORE THE CD’S COME!

Review: Man living in a future where building mechs is just too boring and people would rather play fighting games sounds like a great idea as opposed to any real person in said situation would be like SHIT ROBOTS ARE COOL.

Date Added: 10/11/12

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Name: Sakurasou no Pet na Kanojo

Subtitle: The “LET’S HAVE AN ANIME ABOUT NON-FUNCTIONING MEMBERS OF SOCIETY” anime

sakurasou

Summary: GHOST PEOPLE! Cat butt? Is that cat tea-bagging you? Just all about the ass isn’t it? I don’t even know. Problem children from an art school? WHUT. WHY IS HE IN AN ART SCHOOL. And yet you’re here? All for a cat? WHUT. Testicles aside. That sounds like a simple quest dude.. I can change your color to purple, I have that technology. Dat bear. Right… WELL AREN’T YOU JUST A SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE. She’s so naked. Or a hoarder? AND I STILL CALLED IT. Perfect amount of dressed. You know back in my day we just left hoarding useless people to die.

Review: I think the title is implying the heroine is much like a pet, in which case in terms of this anime I recall a quote from a great man – Bob Barker. “Have you pets spayed or neutered!”

Date Added: 10/08/12

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Name: Seitokai no Ichizon Lv2

Subtitle: The “When I think it’s a shit sequel to a shit anime, and it’s just another shit” anime

seitokai

Summary: You beaking the 4th wall is not funny. Talk to the tits. OH this is that one, the one I gave up on, I thought it was another baka test anime – well than I’m clearly not able to handle anime anymore so fuck reviewing this.

Review: Wow. I mean I’m able to drink again being in the states, but there’s not enough liquor to deal with this. No lie I reviewed this a week ago, but I just couldn’t finish off the reviews because I’m just so jaded and tired of this shit – SHUTUP LEE YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD. But seriously, if you like this for anime – please do me a solid and burn your face off with chicken grease from the chicken you just murdered with your dick you sick sick sick sick fuck.

Date Added: 11/07/12

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Name: Shin Sekai Yori

Subtitle: The “In my small rural town we harnessed the power of farts, the dark secret being sharting. – Erik Ferris (This is a reading test btw)” anime

shinsekai

Summary: Whoa. BLOOD! Guessing psychics. Okay what is going on anime. You seem to be doing just unrelated scenes that do not connect to one another. THIS MUSIC IS OUT OF PLACE. Wait purity, but adulthood that does not work… Fire bender? YOU’RE A WIZARD HARRY! So they are doing Avatar. IT MEANS THEY’RE CATTLE. Lol that game, then playing with cards. GRAVE ROOM. They were lockers for ashes. Curfew song. You know with all these stories you do have to wonder who’s telling them originally. AND FINALLY WE COME TO THE SECRET OF THE SMALL WEIRD TOWN.

Review: Oh god what was that anime, with the singing mechs from a small town? Kamisama Dolls right. Okay replace mechs with telekinesis and I see no big change here. I’m sorry I liked Higurashi, but the whole small rural town with big dark secrets is getting old, because let’s face it WE KNOW SHIT IS BAD THERE. So by that extension the only way to get us to like something when we’re generally sure of what’s going to happen, is to have characters we like, which this does not – so in the trash it goes.

Date Added: 09/28/12

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Name: Sukitte Li na yo

Subtitle: The “She’s cute, in a maybe suicidal anti-social bullied kinda way” anime

sukitte

Summary: Rabbit murderer. What are they even laughing at? You are so the hero to the female protagonist. Angelic boobs. Aka you want a challenge. ROUNDHOUSE! I like you pretty easy. PREPARED. Damn getting all the sweets. Creeper. I GET SHOT DOWN, BUT I GET UP AGAIN. There he is. You gonna get raped. Nope kiss-raped instead. BACK. OFF.

Review: This is a story about a guy who gets so much pussy when he finds the most anti-social bitch ever decides he’s going to fuck that. This anime is the telling of that story. And spoiler alert it’s going to happen – off-screen.

Date Added: 10/06/12

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Name: Teekyuu

Subtitle: The “Oddly enough 2 minutes it how long I can stand Prince of Tennis” anime

teekyuu

Summary: And tennis – well at least I can decide to not care from the getgo. BALOON PEOPLE? Stop talking fast just make up for only have 2 minutes. Dead.

Review: This is an example of how to not do a 2 minute anime.

Date Added: 10/07/12

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Name: To Love-Ru Darkness

Subtitle: The “I imagine Darkness being said by Charlie Murphy, only redeeming quality” anime

DARKNESS

Summary: UGHGBLUGHBLUGHHUUUUGH. Jesus even by anime standards that’s a massive harem – like Negima tier. Ahh there’s the censors. I was worried that the Kuwait government would kill me, but they’re fairly familiar with a blinding sun so all is well. Wondered why I knew so few characters, remembered there was actually a 2nd season and that this is S3, I’m getting a large headache. Wait you’re referencing last season’s fanservice? I’ve waiting for the harem anime to just have the main character and harem have a revelation that they can just become mormons. Symbolism. Not even hiding it. Hair color is different, possibility of being added to harem 200%. ALL THE BLACK BARS. Boner city. Or butt grab. Then zombie rape? I don’t know the censor is the screen.

Review: I can’t.. I just… You know what? Fuck it. This is the cancer that’s killing anime. This is the reason we can’t have nice things. This is WHO RESPONSIBLE THIS. This is why I get out of bed every morning and pour myself a glass of whiskey, because I have to remember in the back of my mind that this exists. That this thing was aired on tv to sell DVD’s because despite being porn To Love Ru Darkness must be hitting the special switch in people’s brains to get really excited over a nip-slip because ‘it’s not porn’ You want to know why this isn’t porn? Because of censors – that’s it. If you like this anime, then you like hentai with a lens flare.

Date Added: 10/05/12

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Name: Tonari no Kaibutsu-kun

Subtitle: The “Back in my day kids who punched other kids weren’t outcasts” anime

tonari

Summary: Yes I must talk about a lot of people, but mostly that chicken. I said it as a joke, but from this opening that chicken actually seems fairly important to whatever is going on. Then double standard leashes. THAT’S NOT HOW BLOOD SPATTER WORKS. And they’re on the 4th story to jump that far. RAPE. He is rather good at that. WAIT WHUT! Sparkle tears? Nope orange soda, and she fires back with the milkshake. And then he got his ass kicked. THAT ESCALATED. WHAT. HAHAHA. Yes hate the genius. LIKE FRICKEN BATMAN. Oh wait different person. Right in the face. Delinquency. DAW. Damn straight for the kiss, and then that.

Review: I will admit this is hitting all the right nerves for me, and I can say at this point I enjoy this anime, not that you would too as it’s got daw romance written all over it. However I reserve the right to pull that thought as I can see this getting bad fairly easily.

Date Added: 10/01/12

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Name: Zetsuen no Tempest

Subtitle: The “Let’s go save the world” anime

zetsuen

Summary: Nice barrettes dude. Time has joints? And rolls back into the sea. Another deserted island? Jeez Japan just discovered Lost. Doubt it. Ruined. All your fault. You gonna get shot. So they killed her and he’s on revenge quest. ADD much? And weird shit. SHOTGUN – NOPE. METAL PEOPLE! How he got that is a good question actually? Oh. Alright so the plot is to fight a tree. Nope it’s an angel from Eva.

Review: You know what I would do if I found a speaking wooden doll in a bottle washed up on the shore? I’d run. Very far. Because I’m clearly insane, and this anime is stupid. I’m not sure how that leap in logic came about, but trust me it’s there. I’ve mentioned before how an anime can have all the right things in place, but that there’s a certain X factor that you can’t explain – that spark that you get in your spine that makes you wait for the next episode like it’s physically painful to you, and this has none of that.

Date Added: 10/04/12

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Final Thoughts:

While there certainly was a lot of shit (especially the later releases), overall this season was subpar, but not awful. The issue being that unless you want a archetypal shoujo or shounen you;re out of luck. This nothing that wows you this season, and sure a lot of medicore shit is fine for me to deal with, but to you the non-insane anime viewer – there’s nothing to recommend. It’s like the presidential election – we’re not happy with Obama, but we weren’t enthused with Romney. It’s like we wanted a third candidate who came in a flaming motorcycle of awesome, but it never happened.

Also sidenote: If Glenn or Erik gets this far and thinks the above represents them, please shove your fat feet into your fat asses – I’d rather have a dead iguana and a crazy hedgehog for president than Ferris/Glenn 2012

 

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