Even the 2^nd seasons of things are shit, and there’s nothing that my manga reading has made me familiar with where it would be something to look forward too. I mean look at this visual guide [here] (from AnimuCharts) Do you see anything that even remotely looks good? Because I sure as shit don’t.

As some of you know I’ve recently decreased my watching volume – oh sure I review everything, and I still watch more series at once than like 3 other anime kids combined, but there’s been a decrease in viewing. With this latest season though I can only see that trend continuing. I hate to say it, but I guess I’m finally hitting that jaded point where anime for the most part just sucks.

Anyway no real changes to the format this season. So like before I won’t be keep you waiting three weeks to get your reviews, and be updating daily filling in new shows. I’ll have a list at the bottom of shows not aired, and check back every couple of days to see what my opinion/ADHD summary is. (Note: Once again all images from MyAnimeList.net) Updates in Bold.

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Name: Aiura

Subtitle: The “CRAB PEOPLE” anime

Summary: Crab people! Or just crabs. Was that Steve Jobs. Just butted that ice cream. SPICY!  Oh it’s a short, well at least the animation and art isn’t shit for a short. I guess. Man nothing happened.

Review: I’ll say this – this is without a doubt the best looking short I’ve seen to date, however nothing happens – meaning the likely forgot to include a writer in the budget. Now I’ll keep watching to see if it actually goes anywhere, but Hell I don’t even remember what happened and I just watched it.

Date Added: 04/10/13

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Name: Aku no Hana

Subtitle: The “I was an evil Miyazaki sprite once” anime

Summary: Some whackass animation.  Well at least it made me aware there’s only 13 eps. You can’t do the sponsor reprise w/o sponsors. What happens to the people? Fucken Kemonzume. Shit they pull out an Army of Darkness ref? The anime is now reading a book. Fuck you old man in the picture. Of course it spoils you don’t put milk on the door. Lol it’s like texture popping. SOMETHING HAPPEN! HA! You can’t hit here, except wait Japan is pretty lenient. WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE! Monsters better start comin out the walls. THANK YOU.

Review: You see I want to hate this, and here’s the issue with that. The animation is certainly weird, and I’m a bunch of weebs will hate it – but I like that. The story seems to be a coming of age with a twist, and is paced fairly slow – another thing I have no problem. I have no qualms with the art style, characters, or anything  – though I did feel they could get to the point as the whole episode could have been done in 1 minutes. But that’s all fine, there’s no red flags there, but there’s just something under my skin not liking this.

Date Added: 04/09/13

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Name: Arata Kangatari

Subtitle: The “Oh you come from Japan – perfect now gender-bend” anime

Summary: JUST FUCK THE FAMILY. Dull. Wait that’s a girl. Or are they going to make him a girl. No that’s really wrong. Pound you – in the vag. Nope not old at all. WHOA. BLOOD. Reverse harem for a guy? THEN BUTTSECKS ACROSS TIME. No you’re a kid in king arth-man I have to say that a lot this season. MAGIC. Blondie’s dead, and I’ve been framed for murder. Luckily the buttsex means you won’t get raped. C’mon sword get all glowy and shiny. Get some tongue in there.

Review: It’s another hero transported from Nippon into some fantasy sword and magic time period, and you know what – this needs to die. I’m sorry I mean I love Escaflowne, but this circling the drain, and it’s just no longer fresh. It’s gotten to the point where even fans who are not me are surely getting sick of this archetype, and how it’s no longer fun.

Date Added: 04/10/13

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Name: Cyclops Shoujo Saipu

Subtitle: The “May or may not be Mega Milk” anime

Summary: Man when I was a kid I would never make that kinda promise. SUDDENLY PUBERTY! She needs a visor. Mega Milk? EAT IT! WGHUT? SHE WANTS THE D!

Review: Just another short that you can simply leave at the door, I really wish that shorts would you know be better than the regular anime considering they don’t have to do as much. BUT NO.

Date Added: 03/17/13

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Name: Dansai Bunri no Crime Edge

Subtitle: The “First World Problems: Definition – I can’t cut my cursed hair” anime

Summary: And then he murdered a girl with some scissors. You shouldn’t reach it, because murder.  Lol and then he got into a fetish. He likes cutting, kinda creepy. He held them hostage. Okay like why, fucken magic or steel or some shit. YES HE IS WEIRD. He wants to fuck your hair. And she just cums. MAKE OUT WITH THE HAIR. SINGS OF THE FATHER! BORING. IT’S JUST HAIR WHO CARES! OMG this is so dumb. WHO CARES.HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. AND of course it’s that. DURRRRRRRRRRRRR. OMG THIS IS DUMB.

Review: I would think that a series about curses, serial killers, and whatever kinda psycho bullshit is going on here would be enough to be intriguing. But it’s like somehow they managed to suck all of that interest away second by second. The convoluted plot, the characters that just become more and more unlikable to where you simply don’t care, and the overall stupidity of how they execute this premise – is a sin. I made the comparison of this to Gosick, and I realize now that was a mistake, because at least Gosick was watchable.

Date Added: 04/10/13

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Name: Date a Live

Subtitle: The “It’s shining moment is an Eva ripoff for building concept” anime

Summary: LET’S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS – TO DEFEAT THE HUNS! Spacequake – what the shit. And of course that happens. Dumb. Are you that stupid? Get out of Japan then. EVERYTHING CAN’T BE GROSS. It probably is gibberish. How are you alive? Lol and there’s a girl – oh she’s awake. Is he immune? She probably wants to die. Lolo her. I’M BLIND! FACE HERE. AND OF COURSE SHE’S THE COMMANDER. You are not commanding things at 14. Okay going with the theory he actually died, and this is a dream before he finally goes. Finally getting some sleep.

Review: Lee came up with this theory that this is all a dream from the moment the spacequake hit – which in its own right is something you need quite a lot of suspension of belief to go with, because fuck that’s stupid. But seriously, he dies the girl who randomly talked to him is wearing that and fighting another pretty girl, and his own 14 year old sister is the commander of a group of fighters fighting these aliens which cause space quakes. Between those 2 options Occams razor has to go the dream, and I will not stand to watch such a delusion.

Date Added: 04/11/13

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Name: Devil Survivor 2

Subtitle: The “Man cell-phones just isn’t as cool as shooting yourself” anime

Summary: Dead face? LOL. Oh of course it comes before the death, because SMT. DEAD! TOO LATE! Lol continue screen. Not a survivor – it’s a monster because this is the dark h- shit it really is. PERSONA! When people die they become demons! Disaster from what? Lol 404. Case D alright. D is totally the problem. COME ON! Fucken aliens. Bitches he told you to run. You idiot! And of course his is overpowered. Stop referring to it by D. Fuck you I’m a tiger. OF COURSE THEY’RE METEROLOGICAL – TIME TO WATCH THE WEATHER CHANNEL!

Review: I like this anime, but then again it’s clearly an SMT storyline, with really well done visuals so to be fair it’s not like they could have gone wrong. I know a bunch of fanboys just started getting out of their seats about Trinity Soul – listen that was a mistake and P4 kinda proved they could get it right, and I see that happening here.

Date Added: 04/09/13

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Name: Ginga Kikoutai Majestic Prince

Subtitle: The “Gundam + Power Rangers = Abort the baby” anime

Summary: Dude your screens are made of water. Biggest nose in the world. SIMON! Or Cyclops? Wasn’t there a real battle. GB2 Gundam. Space paintballs. What is the drawing… He’s just a bad artist. Nope you’ll be fighting them by the end of the episode, because the rest of the war loses, and you are the last hope. When did they get our DNA. Lol matching hair colors. He can’t say no, this is the military. God so undisciplined. Jesus tits. There’s no ships they can’t really do anything. Okay I guess 5 units is enough to make a whole fleet decide to flee because a few died.

Review: God what an awful show. Seriously I understand that in reality if you have a serious alien problem than the solution is to find 5 teenage kids 3 boys/2 girls and assign them colors. The issue here is that nearly every choice and character interaction seems to be worse than Prometheus. The kids, the good guys, hell even the bad guys feel like they’re full of retardidum, and whatever sense of plot just feels like an awful piece of wet cardboard barely duct taped together.

Date Added: 04/11/13

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Name: Haiyore! Nyaruko-san W

Subtitle: The “You know the deaths in the real mythos are better than this” anime

Summary: This is not my Ah My Goddess or Yuyu Hakusho cut it out. LISTEN IF SHE’S NOT SPROUTING TENTACLES AND MELTING PEOPLE WITH BLOOD SHE’S NOT CHTULU. True form is not just nudity. PREGNANCY SHOULD BE A COMMON THING! ….wut. You’ve gone right past sex into baby making – and it’s gross. The Chtulu mythos is currently rolling over in its grave. WHAT THE SHIT FORK? I can’t. NO. DIE. FIRE. MURDER. Juagg? Trapped. I think this anime is giving me brain cancer. SIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I literally just facepalmed. BURN IT! ………… WTF BOOM! MiB. And I don’t care.

Review: Honestly? I mean what I say above. I would rather the horrors of Lovecraft descend upon me before watching a series of this, because surely it would be better. I loved that little moment where they try to point out the mythos to tie together whatever fucked up thing this is to something. If you ever wondered why people could go crazy and shoot like 30 people – look no farther than this anime. I know that may seem insensitive, but then anyone who thinks so has not seen this. I have. And I am a worse person for it.

Date Added: 04/08/13

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Name: Hataraku Maou-Sama!

Subtitle: The “Take a lesson from this kids; your McDonalds worker may be a demon” anime

Summary: Wait trade routes part 2. DEMONS! Listen I know this anime isn’t about this. Run away like a bitch. Cars could totally be magic. Lol pork cutlets are the bomb. What every mafia movie has that or a beef bowl.  Man learned Japanese really fast. Summoned cab. Borrowed lol. German? Lol is that a person. IT MIGHT NOT BE. The worst. SUPERSIZE ME! And then enter stage left cute girl. MgRonald aka Magnesium. Nope take back the loli. Not popura. Fried cannot spawn potatoes. WHUT. FULLTIME! Whoa you’re the hero?

Review: Is it odd that the final reveal actually didn’t seem like a great storytelling element, but more the first nail into this coffin which I suspect will be airtight in 13 weeks. The whole dynamic of the 2 dealing with this makes for decent comedy, but I know the addition of the hero and the romance that will inevitably come with it just makes me sad and depressed.

Date Added: 04/09/13

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Name: Hayate no Gotoku! Cuties

Subtitle: The “I thought Rie Kugimiya was done acting…” anime

Summary: Pfft your talent is bike riding things to death. Also HOW IS THIS STILL GOING ON? JESUS NOT ANOTHER NEW CHARACTER. Fuck I forgot there even was a talking tiger. Uhh was there something I missed, when did the start living in Love Hina? Yhup this is now Love Hina. And by help, she means distract you sexually. So he’s a robot. PLAGUE! RUN. GAY. Dead. Man fucken guilt trip. FUCK YUR PSP. Aww.

Review: It’s a well-established fact that the Love Hina anime was awful, and it’s becoming more apparent that with each successive Hayate series things become worse. This anime seems to be combining the two. Now here’s where the story of how they managed to cut the worst from both, and make a truly unique series – that however is complete fiction. BECAUSE THIS ANIME SUCKS AND YOU KNEW IT WAS GONNA SUCK BEFORE YOUREAD THIS PARAGRAPH STOP FOOLING YOURSELF.

Date Added: 04/09/13

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Name: Hentai Ouji to Warawanai Neko

Subtitle: The “This is why we don’t wish on stoned cats.” anime

Summary: YO OSCAR WILDE, MY BOY! HAH. That looks like it will hurt a lot. Epic. Repeating scenes in the intro. ALL THE PRON. WHAYT. You can’t use a dutch wife as an offering. They really are. MOAR TASTY. Okay at least it’s not a body swap. JESUS. So she’s a bitch. YES! DEAD OR DIE! Lol wut.  Yeah guess you’re stuck. And then sexual assault. Then he got beat up with a cone. Stupid logic. Bold. NOPE.

Review: This isn’t terrible, I mean it’s certainly a comedy over the romance, but it’s certainly not treading new ground here, and even the overall plot and story is just awful. At the end of the day the anime is about the 90’s high school lesson of being yourself, with a bunch of cheesecake and perverted talking. The hints of romance are trying to be real, but you know it won’t end with anything meaningful.

Date Added: 04/15/13

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Name: Hyakka Ryouran: Samurai Bride

Subtitle: The “If samurai maid cafe gets you hot – jump into a volcano” anime

Summary: YOU ARE NOT RIDING PLANES AND KILLING THINGS! President from Genshiken? Maid café’s are not a western thing. DAMMIT RIE KUGIMIYA. Even if he wasn’t there doesn’t mean you should run around topless. Harakiri AKA STAB YOURSELF IN THE CHEST! BACK FROM THE DEAD. And then that happened. ……………… What. THERE POWER LEVEL. IT’S OVER 9000! Sorry obvious joke is obvious. Getting pwn’d. Sealed. YOU LOST BITCH!  Gross. DUMB.

Review: I hated this in the first season, and you know? I need a word – a word to describe something where I actually managed to watch the first season without bashing my skull in, but the prospect of a second series makes that option seem very – enticing. I bet there’s some soul out there expecting a serious review of this anime. To that person I’m sorry – as you must be naive and young, but I’m here to warn you that out there is a lot of bad anime. Anime that will make you bleed from your ears BECAUSE RIE KUGIMIYA REFUSES TO DIE.

Date Added: 04/08/13

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Name: Kakumeiki Valvrave (Valvrave the Liberator)

Subtitle: The “Sunrise mech animes will always be fun” anime

Summary: SPACE NAZIS. Lolololool. Throw up those wolf horns. WHOA. Fort kickass? Suck that dick! And the balls drop. Run they got knives. Okay Monk. What? He just fell over. That’s needless if they open with same switch. WHAT THE. Tie Fighter Mechs. Shit full scale invasion. GOD THAT KIDS NUTS. Some cold-blooded shit. DEAD. Do you resign as a human being? Shit your synch ratio. Stabbed in the neck! SHI- There’s still a fleet out there. What are you doing to those boobs.YO ASSASSIN’S CREED 13 or some shit. HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT. OH FUCKEN VAMPIRE!

Review: This really gets the mind thinking of Code Geass and Aquarion Evol – which is as much a criticism as it is praise. This really could go either way between awful and a complete trainwreck. At the end of the day though that doesn’t matter, because Valvrave will still be fun to watch. That’s all the matters, that every week you have an actual desire to watch an anime. I realize that it’s quite rare to have me completely praise and sign off on something, but this anime is essentially Linebarrels – not a great series, but a great one to watch, and who knows it could end up being really good.

Date Added: 04/15/13

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Name: Karneval

Subtitle: The “More like buttsexaval” anime

Summary: ALREADY GAY. Yo old guy is gonna get it. Is that a girl I doubt it. What the shit is that purple shit. Bored. WHOA THAT’S NOT COOL. OH GOD. GOTTA GO FAST. …. PUT THAT HEAD DOWN. HURRRRR. Lol pink cane. Oh man a chick, even though nothing happens. LIGHTSWORD! GHEY!

Review: This is fujoshi porn, oh sure there’s no sex, but if you want a parade of bishounen doing – fuck did they even really do anything – anyway, no this has nothing of value. Even to shippers or fujoshi as I doubt they would care about this over a real anime where they can just make up subtext.

Date Added: 04/10/13

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Name: Ketsuekigata-kun

Subtitle: The “Seriously the only time blood type should be discussed is if I’m actually bleeding” anime

Summary: Fucken blood types. He’s going to betray you. And there is the AB to O jokes. No because Japan gives a shit about blood types.

Review: Thankfully this is a short, because if I had to sit through 30 minutes of this crap I may have decided blood is a useless thing to have, and I should try to make it leave my body via my eyeballs and a pen.

Date Added: 04/10/13

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Name: Mushibugyou

Subtitle: The “Seriously first guy who makes bugdick jokes dies in a fire” anime

Summary: GIANT CRAB. Art’s pretty interesting, hopefully not just in op. Fuck that bear. So lost. My parents are dead. Seppaku, and they ask his kid to do it instead, jesus that’s brutal. Put your dick in there. Well actually spiders are not insects. Wait he didn’t kill himself. BUKKAKE!, Also Matthew Sonntag and bugdick are awful things. Your already fighting it. Eww don’t jizz on that. Allow me to introduce everyone. Then it exploded. THEN LSD? Oh my god the fabulous. Don’t care. Still covered in jizz.

Review: Sadly I fear this anime will squander what little potential it has. It’s got the stand fighting monster society vibe, but the animation and service is good enough to warrant at least a watch. However the introduction of the final character and the fact that these kinds of series don’t set this kind of tone, and come out really good – which is sad. Oh sure I wish it could be Tenpou Ibun Atakashi Ayashi, but it’s just not likely, and I fear this will ultimately but watchable, but 3 seasons from now nobody will be talking about it.

Date Added: 04/11/13

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Name: Namiuchigiwa No Muromi-san

Subtitle: The “What happened to the days where fucken mermaids was priority?” anime

Summary: Well eats some ragworms I guess. MUTHAFUCKEN BLOODS IN DA HOUSE. Majora’s mask?  BLOOD! Who needs bait you caught a mermaid. HAHAHAHAHAHHAA Starfish can’t do shit. RELEASE. Just not interested at all. THAT SEAGULL! HAHAHAHA. Does not care. Lolwut. CATS. Get in the water. YOU. WILL. DIE. Lol political. And then some other stuff. SHE WANTS THE D. WTF ROME?

Review: Alright guys – it sure as shit is not another Seto no Hanayome, hell it’s not even the same caliber of slapstick. The only thing I even liked was the random starfish joke. It’s worth a watch, but unlike something like Squid Girl where the jokes and premise seem strong, this feels rather weak, and likely to become boring.

Date Added: 04/10/13

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Name: Ore no Imouto Ga Konnani Kawaii Wake Ga Nai

Subtitle: The “As someone who has a little sister – kill this anime with fire” anime

Summary: You regret this now, but then once boobs happen. Sigmund Freud is laughing at you. Short recap, because nothing really happened. Juice does not really make you fat.  Cause I want to bone you. LESBO’s. They keep saying Katawa Shoujo, which is not what I think it is. Lol wut a loser. Mistake. Fujoshi ruining everything. Don’t do the trope – good. I hate everything. The worst part is that anime’s LITERALLY do this shit. Looking at you Symphogear. AMAZON FTW!

Review: They summarized the last season in about 3 seconds – because let’s face it – this series was about nothing. They even try to undo the ‘work’ of the last season by having Kirino ignore the brother. But let’s put things into context. The game this was based off of has you get your sister pregnant. Not a step sister or some weird bullshit – there is a storyline in the game where you knock up your sister. I’ m not even reviewing anymore about this anime with some bullshit story and siscon bullshit, because FUCK. THAT. NOIZ. PERIOD. BECAUSE ACTUAL PUNCTUATION DOESN’T CUT IT AT THIS POINT.

Date Added: 04/08/13

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Name: Otona Joshi no Anime Time

Subtitle: The “I cook dinner so well I break out of anime” anime

Summary: Wow that’s pretty limited. Fucken creepy Stockholm syndrome housewife. Lol lazy animators are just filming shit now. There’s a limit to what you can say is artsy. Great more time to be a submissive housewife. Lol what, oh how she met this guy – who then makes her into just someone to cook for him. Younger than me – totally a girl. I’m not a wife, not yet a girl. Something broke, psycho time. Lol this shit is so out of sequence. Oh so this is an affair basically. Bag of cats. Loves a man in uniform. I’M GLISTENING. Foreshadowing? That’s not true. You have sex with birds and cats? Baked like bread? Gotcha. DAT SAX! LOVESEAT. Wut? Is the sofa a metaphor?

Review: I almost don’t want to ruin the surprise that makes you realize what this anime is, but I fear most people (aka not retards like me) wouldn’t bother to watch the final credits. Because before a single sentence was uttered I was baffled by this. It made no sense to me, and the combination of anime and real-life imagery was fucking with my mind, because of what the story and characters were. This was the kind of shit you’d watch and be like WHAT THE SHIT did I just watch? Because it was nonsensical, the protagonist is frankly downright creepy, and the story goes nowhere, and the love situation is just fucken weird. But then like a beam of light the credits said (In English) that the title of this series is Adult Women Anime Time. Now while a lot of you just thought that meant sex, no it means Soap Operas – suddenly the anime makes all the sense in the world – and thankfully require no more thought given to it.

Date Added: 04/06/13

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Name: Photo Kano

Subtitle: The “This guy must be so dickless for random girls to be okay taking pics” anime

Summary: #1 COSPLAYER! You’ll suck my dick. YOU GOTTA WORK. And then harem of camwhores. 1000 degrees? They just keep getting bigger the clos- IT’S DOPPLER BOOBS. Except that camera is a hand-me-down. It’s just a Canon point and shoot. BUTTS. Actually first day makes sense. WHY CAN’T I CARRY ALL THESE ORANGES. GROSS. Uhh does that creep you out. THIS GUY. This guy will teach you all you need to know to be king creep. SO THAT’S WHAT THIS SHOW IS. Pretty impressive actually. Join the real club. Your choice is actual boobs or pictures of boobs. What a moron.

Review: This is about the most perfect example of the ‘you fucked up’ meme. Seriously this guy didn’t say he was perverted, and he didn’t want to take skeevy pictures, so he passes up the chance of an all-girls club to instead join a bunch of pervs to take pictures. Someone who already has a good standing with women decides to shatter his reputation, which honestly he could have done in the other club. This underlies a critical sour point in these kinds of anime, in that they just want to tell the story of a pervy club like this. They don’t care about actual interactions, or what characters would do, they’re faceless protagonist’s slaving away to a plot that they rightly don’t deserve.

Date Added: 04/11/13

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Name: RDG: Red Data Girl

Subtitle: The “Oh man the data is so red” anime

Summary: SCENERY! Because cutting hair is how girls change. Omg it’s just hair. CG! Right in the face.I BREAK THEM TO HIDE MY LONELINESS. Of course she can’t do it, she’s a witch and her magic shit breaks all the technology. This isn’t video chat, I’m lain. Well you’re not here DAD! GET TO THE CHOPPA! Bitch he would fuck you sideways. Hair is spiritual power, well that explains the bug up peoples ass. There’s no reason to be that much of a douche guy. BLOOD! Did you beat him up? Confirmed then. SO you’ve always been a douchebag, no wonder your dad pushed you off a cliff.

Review: God it’s another magical/spirit girl who’s going to be surrounded by dudes, nothing will happen, there will be no really great scenes, fighting will be dumb, romance will be meh, and it will try to make the characters ‘grow’ but you already know how that will happen, and in all honesty you JUST DON’T CARE. This is one of the worst animes this season, I can tell because it’s not bad, but you just couldn’t care.

Date Added: 03/17/13

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Name: Shingeki no Kyojin (Attack on Titan)

Subtitle: The “Starring Liam Neeson – I wish” anime

Summary: RELEASE THE KRAKEN! HEY! Spidermen? Just giant naked humans.. Time to wake up Chrono. Dude he’s like ten. Lol Dr. Jaeger. Why would you think that. Man they have seen some shit. An arm, a leg, a penis? Nope arm. Like giving back the arm is wrong on so many levels. Man not a good time to break down. Eat shit! Spoiler alert there’s giant monsters out there. JESUS THAT BITCH IS GONNA KILL YOU. HEY! Gonna eat your brains. BLOOD SPLATT! Fucken mega titan. Just not happening. The smiles are the best. And then he gave up. Taste like chicken!

Review: Listen okay this isn’t a good anime, but in this season it’s one of the better ones you’re going to get. I mean yes the whole titan thing is silly, and the spiderman ziplines seems rather obtuse. I mean honestly if we could invent ziplines like that, we could invent guns, and we have guns we can make bigger guns – so titans are not a real issue. But suspending that belief the anime promises to be all shounen-y/drama/visceral. So tune in, but if your of the mindset to only watch the 9’s and 10’s of anime – or even the 8’s than this isn’t for you.

Date Added: 04/09/13

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Name: Sparrow’s Hotel

Subtitle: The “Man I never get to see people drop kicked at hotels.” anime

Summary: This isn’t the early 90’s they didn’t have shorts back then. FLYING KICK. Aka whack off to this. Super strong I guess. OH GOD. WHAT THE SHIT IS THAT. FIGHT.

Review: This felt like the start to an old 90’s anime where this main chick will eventually get dragged into something else and whacky and then stuff happens. However I know that’s not true and in reality it will simply rehash this episode plot in different forms over the course of the next few weeks.

Date Added: 04/10/13

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Name: Suisei no Gargantia

Subtitle: The “Get out of here RPG plots (unless your SMT)” anime

Summary: So Space Opera. Starship troopers, or Ender’s Game. Science babble. LOLOLOL. So it is a combo of those 2 things, meaning YEAH JAPAN GETS TO RUIN GOOD IDEAS. Boring. Yo disobey orders and kill it. Lol space snail. Falls into the wormhole, ends up in King Arthurs court, because why not. Listen you’re not Yoko stop trying. Actually that’s not that bad. Speaking Latin? Lol they dumb. You could be in any time, space, or even dimension.  Lol don’t take off the mask? NINJA. Tap DAT ASS. WELCOME TO EARTH! Punch. Wait how could Earth be the birthplace and people are still stuck on Earth.

Review: This has a lot of similarities to Kyojin – in that this anime isn’t going to be stellar, and unlike recent offerings like StarDriver it won’t be super-fun to watch. You basically know how it’s going to play out, and it’s not terribly compelling, but if your jonesing for a space opera mech show – than here you go.

Date Added: 04/09/13

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Name: To Aru Kagaku no Railgun S

Subtitle: The “BIRIBIRIBIRIBIRIBIRIBIRIBIRI” anime

Summary: Lol rapists. Lol nope.   Bored. Shit bitch. What. …. OH SHIT FUCKEN AK. Fricken hostage. SPIDER BIRI, SPIDER BIRI. Wave dashin’ And then people die, or not.

Review: This is not a short, but as you may have noticed the summary is rather short. What you don’t see here is me sighing a lot, and the overall mind racking boredom that was going on here. I liked Index, even the 2^nd season, but having a 2^nd season of a spinoff, of a character that you don’t care about, and the even worse group of friends around is just awful. Seriously in the Index universe if I was to have the top 5 least liked characters the cast of Railgun fits in there quite comfortably.

Date Added: 04/15/13

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Name: Yahari Ore No Seishun Love Come Wa Machigatteiru

Subtitle: The “This anime is a SNAFU” anime

Summary: Youth is a lie you go from baby to old, and nothing between. And then he shot up a school, except he got a harem – because OH FUCK YOU KNOW THIS. Okay just 2 bitches. Lol pretty sure you can’t just do that. Lol calling him spineless. Friend-zoned. Did he just literally growl at her.  What the shit? Yo I’m High Quality bitch. Whut. Wrestling? Lo he got your number. Lol bitch STFU. Virgin slut. GET TOLD! Mind games. #Girltalk Gross

Review: God another anime about friendless people forming a club, where the characters are mostly unlikeable, which surprise makes a lot of sense. I really don’t see this going much of anywhere, and that’s fine I guess. The shows not awful, and it’s not so derivative that it angers you. There’s just no spark, no sense of wanting to care, or just anything of real substance.

Date Added: 04/11/13

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Name: Yuyushiki

Subtitle: The “Dammit why can;t one of them be a robot” anime

Summary: It’s a cat… They do do that. BREAK THE WALLS DOWN! BORED. Zero member’s club. FUCKEN INDUCTANCE. Maybe it’s a chubaracabra. GET DAT BOOBS. LICK ME! OH GOD. MOM!, fuck that teacher. STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN! Drippin that sauce. Lol keep callin her mom. LOl XP. Lol Jupiter. HURRRRRRRRRR. TA TA TA TA.

Review: If you – like me – are looking for a poor man’s Nichijou, this sadly barely even qualifies. There is a fine line between slice of life comedy, and comedy that’s slice of life. One is boring for all but a few moments, the other is often fantastic. Sadly this is on the wrong side of that line.

Date Added: 04/10/13

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Name: Zettai Bouei Leviathan

Subtitle: The “Japan continues to ruin cool names campaign” anime

Summary: Pointy ears, just because. Fire does not smash rocks, especially if you suck that much. That probably hurt. Fucken killin you. Goddamn water benders. Cheesecake, and lame scene.  BACKSTORY!  Yo that fairy can put away the bread. It is scales jesus. HAHAHA. This is really dumb, like seriously I keep zoning out because it’s so dumb. HURR NAMES.

Review: I just gave myself a headache trying to remember this series from last night because it was so dumb. I mean everything about it was just so awful. I know there’s derivative series out there which all seem the same, but those fall under 3 categories. The ones trying to be the same for money, the ones who think they’re not same but are wrong, and the ones where you know they just don’t care. This is passionless and dull, and I seriously feel for anyone involved in making it. Because I know they don’t love this project, that it was something made but that those making it were doing a job, not enjoying it.

Date Added: 04/10/13

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Okay then well that’s what I have so far. I’ll have a full ending/final thoughts once every-thing’s out. If you’re looking for something and didn’t find it above check the list below (It may not be out/reviewed). I have the release date (secondhand info) and my initial thoughts having not seen it.

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Name: Asian Risshiden no Shima Kousaku

Release Date: 05/10/13

Initial Thought: Maybe this might be worth a watch, not very detailed.

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Name: Danchi Tamoo

Release Date: 04/06/13

Initial Thought: Probably a kids show, but maybe not.

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Name: DD Hokuto no Ken

Release Date: 04/02/13

Initial Thought: Lol.

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Name: Haitai Nanafa S2

Release Date: 04/06/13

Initial Thought: Do you like lolis? Than die in a fire. A fire started by running matches on your head while covered in gasoline.

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Name: Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni Naku Outbreak

Release Date: Spring/13

Initial Thought: YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES

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Name: Kotabi ~ True Tours Nanto

Release Date: 04/28/13

Initial Thought: Some drama bullshit, but than in an ONA so how will they build shit up?

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Name: Train Heroes

Release Date: 04/02/13

Initial Thought: Hahahahahaha

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Name: Uchuu Senkan Yamato 2199

Release Date: 04/07/13

Initial Thought: Kinda glad they’re remaking this, but they will probably screw it up. Even if it is just a tv stuff from the movie.

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End of to be Subbed/Reviewed list, Final Thoughts to come later

No real changes to the format this season. So like before I won’t be keep you waiting three weeks to get your reviews, and be updating daily filling in new shows. I’ll have a list at the bottom of shows not aired, and check back every couple of days to see what my opinion/ADHD summary is. (Note: Once again all images from MyAnimeList.net) I also won’t leave the post featured for half the season again (kept forgetting to turn it off – apologies) Updates in Bold.

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Name: Ai Mai Mi

Subtitle: The “THEY’RE GOING TO KILL ME” anime

Summary: Kappa? KILLED BY CUCUMBER. I’m vomiting and bleeding, I’m vleeding. Diabetes. CAT CIRCLE MURDER. Wait nothing about gay porn? Wait whut? I THOUGHT IT WASN’T SWINGING. Don’t mean a thing if it don’t got that swing. Sucking nipples until they died? Then 8-bit ending.

Review: This is a 4-koma anime condensed into 5 minutes, and it’s incredibly random. It’s funny make no mistake, but I have no idea what’s going on, and I can only hope the comedy remains.

Date Added: 01/05/13

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Name: Amnesia

Subtitle: The “Would rather watch the game and die scared” anime

Summary: These guys are all boning each other. Is this yaoi?  THAT CHURCH IS BURNING! SHE’S BLIND! God your slow to respond, but drugs will do that. God they’re gay. Every time I see his eyes I’m disgusted at the gay.  Let’s go off to suck each other dicks. He’s just killing butterflies and being gay. Do she has no memories – I’m surprised. Handjob?  Yeah parfait instructions. Nice hats. Really…………….. WHO CARES! GAY. Yo Naoto faggots got scissors.

Review: In case you ladies want your gay butt stuff more subtle – here ya go.

Date Added: 01/10/13

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Name: AKB0048 Next Stage

Subtitle: The “What’s worse than idols? 48 of them, that never die in spirit” anime

Summary: Oh shit they all died, thank god. Man backstage for a bunch of lesbian whore pedophiles. Jackie want’s to die, and I understand why. She started singing the songs in a guy’s voice – made it so much better. They had bad times – no this was always dumb, and bad cg. Footloose meet gay metalacoplyse and acid. GALAXY EXPRESS? Okay we gave up.

Review: Someone in the room while watching this wished for death. This isn’t me – a man so jaded that the mere tone of the wrong opening causes me pain. This was a fairly normal person, and they wanted to die. Idols are not the cancer killing anime, they’re the bubonic plague killing us all.

Date Added: 01/08/13

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Name: Bakumatsu Gijinden Roman

Subtitle: The “Lupin: Edo” anime

Summary: Lupin? KEYBLADE! What are they stealing money from? Rocket? It is a rocket…. DECREASED INFLATION! Moneysplosion! Paprika x Lupin? Death chopsticks. An eel, and electric eel! Nice afro. ZOMBIES! He used flour? I’m a helper. Taken all the money. CHERRY BLOSSOM STAR. A-team? Getting drunk. Then gay brother spear duo. Tron? WHAT WTF POWER RANGERS. Split the building, Nice use of zipper.

Review: I’m not particularly sure what’s going on here overall, but this is worth watching if only because an anime that’s doing this kind of premise and art is clearly not catering to 80% of the otaku bullshit.

Date Added: 01/12/13

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Name: Beast Saga

Subtitle: The “Chest power square is really not evolutionarily sound” anime

Summary: Lions evolved into robots? So I guess frogs are evil –oh its mammals versus non-mammals. Bushes are so hi-tech. So what are in the hotdogs? Old people freedom to work, as opposed to being meat. Like that kind of shingles, or the other? What are you? Shit he’s the king you dead. Like why would you mess with a guy that massive? TAKE ME TO YOURLEADER! And then they explained the magic. BURNING CROTCH!

Review: This is a kid’s show, we kept watching in case it wasn’t and was hiding. It was not. To be fair the fact that they have chest power squares and look like they’ve already made the action figures should have been enough of a tip off. So if you are five year old on the internet and know how to watch anime – don’t watch this. Go watch Akira or Ergo Proxy – live a little I mean c’mon you’re 5 and a half right – you can do what you like.

Date Added: 02/02/13

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Name: Boku no Imouto wa Osaka Okan

Subtitle: The “My little sister wants the Osaka D” anime

Summary: Not even real anime. And she wants the D. Lol Flash anime. God dammit this is boring. Boring. So the premise is that Osaka is different. BORING. And Random bath scene.

Review: I was expecting another little sister complex anime, instead I got whatever this is. It’s basically a boring flash anime talking about how shit in Osaka is SOOOO different. Sadly nobody gives a rat’s ass about this, I even highly doubt people in Japan care at all about this. In the end we get another boring, useless, unnecessary short.

Date Added: 01/05/13

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Name: Boku wa Tomodachi ga Sukunai NEXT

Subtitle: The “I need a venn diagram of this anime’s followers and friends – there is no overlap” anime

Summary: Ahh this faggot, punching people in the library. Laughing at you… And then a twin fetish porn was made. Heaping? So is that what they kids are calling it these days. And she’s back in 2 minutes. Who pokes bushes? She never said anything. I wonder why… Spanking a teenage girl.. Kidnapping? Oh god. Dad is super ready to kill you. Why is the dad tsundere…. Then it’s creepy serial killer time… Moo. AHAHAHAHA. Stay over… Is the dad just like please bone my daughter or what? Rose bath? Then homoerotism with some symbolism. Why is a hand down there? Okay wtf.

Review: Remember that anime from a few seasons back where it was a club formed because nobody knew how to make friends? WELL STOP REMEMBERING IT. YOU AND I BOTH CAN JUST FORGET IT, DON’T I AND YOU THE FICTIONAL READER HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO WITH THEIR LIVES- don’t we? please?

Date Added: 01/14/13

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Name: Chihayafuru Second Season

Subtitle: The “NOBODY KNOWS OR CARES ABOUT KARUTA” anime

Summary: Seriously what a dumb anime. Aka you’re all acting weird for a really dumb game. I really need to start a rule where I can skip animes where I skipped the first season… You know what fuck it. I can’t even get past the intro without being like hurrdurr premise.

Review: Find me a person who want to watch a sports anime about a game where you match poetry cards by slapping them. Remind them this is a serious anime. If they are still interested – kneel them down in front of their family (w/ small children if possible) and shoot them in the head. Don’t skimp on ammo.

Date Added: 01/14/13

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Name: Cuticle Detective Inaba

Subtitle: The “Gawd this is dumb” anime

Summary: Werewolf police dog – I don’t…. Come here boy. A 16 year old boy should not be ‘into’ cats. WHAT THE CRHIST FUCK! AND Lee called the cross-dresser. What is his deal. THIS IS LITERALLY THE GAYEST. It’s a goat! HE HAS A MUSKET? Damn right shoot him. EAT SHIT! Of course the goat eats money. And then counterfeits it by vomiting? COMMMONER PUNCH! This is so dumb. AHAHHAHAHAHA. God this is dumb. Than the artists gave up. I AM FRIDGEMAN! Wow pretty defined height there for minions. Butthole? Brutal. Tits lady is the best. WAIT GHOSTS WUT? HOLDY SHIT! YOU’RE FUCKED. Take her top off. HAHAHAHAHA. Singing goat time. Whoa chainsaw.

Review: Like some of the gags are good, but overall it follows the “only 1 chick rule” meaning it’s gay and honestly most of the actual plot and story and characters are just shit.

Date Added: 10/05/12

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Name: D.C. III ~ Da Capo III ~

Subtitle: The “If I ever snap I’m pretty sure I’d serial kill cherry trees. GW Style” anime

Summary: Oh man an 8 year old, well in the VN you probably sleep with her. Oh man male protagonist waking up? CHARLES! WHAT IS HE DOING WITH CHARLES! If he makes no noise he’ll here you. No one is that dumb – wait anime.  Magic D?  Everlasting cherry blossom tree – CHAINSAW IT DOWN! They all suck – I hope they die.  We forgot we were watching this because we started talking about what’s wrong. Is she your sister? BE MORE AWARE OF YOUR TITS! We gave up.

Review: I think this might actually win for most template anime this season, a hard-fought victory indeed.

Date Added: 01/10/13

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Name: gdgd Fairies

Subtitle: The “Giving up on shorts 2013″ anime

Summary: Apologies this anime exists, and it’s not even anime. Dumb, this is a 2^nd season? Nope all cg. God this sucks. Any anime that makes us think of Akikan is a bad anime. This was filmed in second life. I HATE EVERYTHING. Calling it, ending this shit.

Review: … Nope.avi

Date Added: 01/12/13

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Name: GJ-bu

Subtitle: The “I forgot if we gave up or I just gave up commenting” anime

Summary: Dudes + crepes = gay. Not another tea club anime. MEAT. Tea, chess, and eating chicken club – sign me up. GENERIC INTRO. How many ditzy anime chars does it take to change a lightbulb. Destroyed. Super-virgin.  WAR GAMES! Just beat the world champion. EATING RAW NOODLES! BABY! DAT SPIDER!  Spider dangerous, spider poisonous, spider almost killed me. Bored. He’s superior. Jackie is reaching rage point.

Review: The only thing we enjoyed about this was the chick eating a fucken plate of meat in every scene she was in. Then I think we gave up, because that’s not a valid reason to animu.

Date Added: 01/12/13

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Name: Hakkenden: Touhou Hakken Ibun

Subtitle: The “Even without subs looking through the last part sucked” anime

Summary: WE KNEW WE WERE FUCKED. OH JOKE SUBS! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! Another all dudes anime. This is X part 2 according to Jackie. I LOVE FROSTED FLAKES. BALLS! Your mom is so big. That bird is drunk and my dad. Fucken philly? Familial abuse – oh wait she likes it, and it was sexual. Sun pussy! Dead babies! HE  HAS 2??? Bad waffles. That would fuck up panckaes. He’s a saiyan. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA. Stapler? Did they just give up? Well so do I.

Review: For a glorious 7 minutes there were joke subs – it was beautiful, and then they gave up and didn’t even bother subbing it – I can’t imagine why. I truly wish they continued as it would have made whatever this shithole was at least something enjoyable to watch; however even that couldn’t be a ray of hope in this season and shorts and suck.

Date Added: 01/08/13

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Name: Inferno Cop

Subtitle: The “I always pay my taxes” anime

Summary: Lol it’s not animated, it’s carboard. I AM. THE LAW. Yo they pay taxes. WHAT THE SHIT. HOLY FLAMING SHIT. WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS? THIS ISN’T ANIME. BRNED. Sploosh.

Review: It’s like Ghost Rider was a cop. It’s nice to see the Gainax people doing something with their new Trigger studio, I just kinda wish it was you know – an anime?

Date Added: 01/05/13

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Name: Ishida to Asakura

Subtitle: The “I was a walrus once, until I took a pencil to the head” anime

Summary: But they’d all be underage. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! I am the walrus. He is literally a walrus, and not anymore. Man they all want him. YO BECOME A PORN STAR.

Review: Another short that again is just really not much to give a damn about. The main character is apparently so cool everyone loves him, and the art isn’t something that makes it remarkable as a short. In the end that’s my issue here – you have 2-5 minutes of anime a week to work with – use it. Show me some animation, or story in that time. I know it can be done – animes in the first 5 minutes can tell an entire story beautifully, why not here/

Date Added: 01/08/13

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Name: Kotoura-san

Subtitle: The “Serious anime wax on, and wax off” anime

Summary: THE PLAGUE SHE HAS IT. READING MINDS! BITCH MIND YOUR PLACE. Then mom gets mad. Getting drunk. Cheating bitches. And child abuse, because she’s dead inside. Why would you taunt a mind reader? SKYYYYYYYY!!! KHANNNNNN!!!! MCLANNNNEEEEE!!!! GODDDD!!!! You mean this male protag—WHAT IN THE FUCK. SHIT JUST GOT WEIRD. Tricked out of a serious anime. REFUSED! Lol autism. God what a sperg. AHAHAHAHHA. AHAHHA. Whut an idiot. Ruined milk. Thee it is. AHAHAHA The lapdance is better if the stripper is crying.

Review: On one side this seemed like an emotional turmoil dealing with a chick who has mind-reading abilities. However it quickly turns into a goofy romcom with a club and highschool and friendship and a romance you know is going to happen, and it uses mind reading for ecchi thoughts and I want to stop writing that. Okay now to get real here – this is awful because it shows a glaring flaw in anime – that it’s possible, even good for an anime to be the first half of this episode all the way through, but that nobody will do that. Do you know why Space Brothers is so freaken good? Because unlike this it doesn’t have to devolve into moeblobhighschoolclubshit it can tell an actual fucken story. And yes animes certainly can tell very complex stories, and even ones that use a lot of common anime tropes – but why did they have to ruin this? I mean sure the comedy in the second half was funny, but it’s going to peeter out and I know it, the serious part though would have been nice, but alas anime is awful.

Date Added: 01/12/13

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Name: Love Live! School Idol Project

Subtitle: The “Even implanted metal openings when drunk couldn’t sustain this” anime

Summary: WELCOME TO 3D IDOLS – AKB4008 part 2. Hyperdrive!! Is the correct song for the intro from Devin Townsend Addicted album. School’s closing. And then we had people read the subs in manly voice – it made it marginally better. Freddie from Cromartie?  This is BORING. Jesus Christ this is boring.

Review: We tried, we were drunk, we put metal over the opening, and still this idol anime sucked ass – what more do you want us to do Japan? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US? WHAT DID WE DO TO DESERVE THIS!

Date Added: 01/10/13

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Name: Mangirl

Subtitle: The “Don’t judge by the title, judge by the shitty shitty anime” anime

Summary: Wow the animation quality is pretty low, did Japan run out of anime. I bet they all have dicks. So Bakuman for idiots. White Autumn, which I assume is jizz. Easting out? This isn’t fansubs. Lame. Wait they just failed, you just rewrote that. So no lady boys at all? Not sure if that makes this anime worse or not.. Wtf.

Review: I’m fine with shorts, but this is basically a 4 girl anime short about starting a magazine. I hated pretty much every part of that sentence. Granted going into this with a title like mangirl I expected something far worse. Alas it’s simply a combo of manga and girl. Japan seems to not be able to get anything right. And considering this 3 minutes of supposed quality animation Japan getting anything right seems far off.

Date Added: 01/05/13

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Name: Maoyuu Maou Yuusha

Subtitle: The “And the lord of demons shall lie with a body pillow” anime

Summary: Gnarly dragon beard. DEMONS! Sequel? Sweet backgrounds. 1-armed maid. GRAMPS YOU’RE DABEST. Tits the ultimate stopper of heroes. Rollin her tits. Waiting for him – really. She just claimed your D. All the Yuki Nagato clones will they have. REAL POLITIK. Love that early? Well played war. WAR HAS CHANGED. Are they getting boobs in return. Animus lamp. BALLS! Dudes an assassin. Gramps is typical old guy then. ROMANCE. GAINAXING! MYSELF! GET IT IN! SHE WANTS THE D. GREAT TRACKS OF LAND. Lacking for exterior – how. NO ONE CARE ABOUT THE FLAB THERE. Virgin slut time! I know. WUT THE FUCK. Medieval body pillow. I liked the horns…

Review: I was bored with this anime the second I realized what it was, which is just another boring fantasy anime. The issue is that you can make better fantasy anime than this, but most of the time people don’t. They try to pretend it’s better with their political bullshit in the forefront, but it’s just awful. I can only find apathy for this anime.

Date Added: 01/05/13

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Name: Minami-ke Tadaima

Subtitle: The “Hosaka is the best – now with cabbage” anime

Summary: I AM BOSS! Man it’s like a dryer. Suck it. The intro chibis show again. Why does Hosaka have napa cabbage.  WHO CARES HE’S DABEST. Retard. Why I didn’t notice you. PUPPY DOG EYES! Denied. Donuts teaching people lessions. Lol I just had a good shit. PAYBACK.  Why is the bad version older? There’s the poor bastard they make dress as a girl. How is he okay with letting the little sister sit on him when likes the older one? TABLE FLIPPING! Pan slower… I did not expect much. DEAL WITH IT.

Review: Overall the quality seems high, and overall it’s funny, but there’s no standout gags. The kind of things like in season 1 or something like Nichijou where for the following week you’d bring the gag up. Who knows though, seems enjoyable.

Date Added: 01/08/13

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Name: Mondai-Ji-tachi ga Isekai kara Kuru Sou Desu yo?

Subtitle: The “Well this anime is over” anime

Summary: Gangs. Why would they strip him – WHOA. This better not be a baseball anime. Letter from above! So geass. Clearly this is an rpg and she’s a white mage. Would you prefer bitch. WATCH YOURSELF BITCH! Bunny tits. Ninja shit? YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME! War gods? Boring game, boring anime. Clearly an arrow dick.   I FUCKEN SAID GEASS! BREAKING THE RULES  BREAKING THE RULES. Oh shit. Lots of races, and they all fuck each other. And now he fights a god. You’re not Tomoyo… Well he just beat a god, guess it’s over. The cat is flirting. Autistic Aquaman-girl.

Review: Dear shounen anime – when you make it seem like your main char just beat an elemental god without breaking a sweat how do you expect me to keep watching? I mean sure there will always be a bigger god, but your d-bag just punched out cthulhu in the first episode (note not actually cthulhu or a cthulhu in the form of a girl – which I LOATHE that I have to clarify that because – anime.). Also the show is dumb.

Date Added: 01/12/13

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Name: Nekomonogatari: Kuro

Subtitle: The “SHE’S NOT EVEN YOUR REAL SISTER FUCKEN PREQUELS” anime

Summary: BLOOD! Got the still beating heart. Crowbar. Really updating the yandere…  Oh intro – SO ARTSY. Whoa. Talking dog. At least they’re adding motion to uncessary cells. Oh prequel to bakemonogatari. LOLOL fucken leaves. Boring love talk. Weird anime face 2013. There’s that thing. So these boobs are in-fact palmable? HE JUST DID IT? SEXUAL FRUSTRATION! What is a James Bond phenmonenon. Porn solving all the problems. ALL THE SWEAT. Then that scene.  Asking for love advice from topless sister? THIS IS HOW WE MAKE ME’S AND YOU’S. Did he just? Lol skirt flipping. Well yeah they’re a family. Step-family. No you just ground them. HU- WHO AM I! Lick a hole under the bandage. HE’S GOT THE HIV!

Review: It’s Shaft, what did you expect me to write here? Well you’re wrong – because BONERS BONERS BONERS BONERS BONERS BONERS BONERS BONERS BONERS

Date Added: 01/05/13

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Name: Ore no Kanojo to Osananajimi ga Shuraba Sugiru

Subtitle: The “[Insert generic subtitle here]” anime

Summary: FIGHTING DREAMER! He knows his previous life? There was a dragon, and then bubblegum. RINGRINGRING BANAPHONE. IT. WAS. A. DREAM. Fucken dammit. I’m the man! JAPANESE. She just wants the D meat. He’s a med school student he has to focus. GET ALL THE GUYS! Because you’re all horny teenagers. Beautifican;. She wants your D. Man what a good kid – INB4 harem ruins him. Called it. I’m BURNING FOR YOU! Okay? And then the pretend relationship became real. INB4 Blackmail.

Review: Another template anime where you know exactly what’s going to happen. At this stage you know that this is anime’s war shooters, its romantic comedy movies, its mystery novels. You can skip right past this anime and the world, and yourself would be better off.

Date Added: 01/08/13

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Name: Puchimas! Petit iDOLM@STER

Subtitle: The “Idols = DA WORST” anime

Summary: Fucken Idolmaster fuck this bullshit

Review: This was a short, I didn’t even finish watching it. That bad.

Date Added: 01/01/13

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Name: Sasami-san@Ganbaranai

Subtitle: The “Further proof that Shaft is not Midas” anime

Summary: Lazy. Your brother is a briefcase. Really… This is wrong. Even if he is bucketman. Very good at walking and doing shit. Ow that music hurts. Random edo shrine shit. Okay… Brother surveillance? Then suddenly a very odd frog. Very good reasons to be a frog. That escalated. Well I guess she’s getting dressed to go, and there it is. Okay.. She just can’t go out, she wants to bone her brother, and she’s got —- I don’t. What the crap. This is just so dumb. And then it turned into something. Then some artsy fight scenes. BOOB LAUNCHERS. So it’s another Madoka where it’s boring shit for 90% of the time, and 10% is cool fight scenes. Then copy the world. I…………. CAN’T………………. EVEN…………….. Falcon Knee. BAT! This is the police – wtf.

Review: You know what the issue here is? If this was just a short, that  just started with the chocolate covering the city, and didn’t have 16 minutes of bullshit brother/sister complex shit, that it didn’t go out of the way to make you hate all the characters, that it just focused on bitchin scenes then I would be splooging all over this. Instead I might not even watch it. This truly is a testament to Shaft though, a challenge to get enough artsy fartsy and great animation into an anime when the story sucks ass. I don’t mean there’s no story. I mean it sucks the ass of a diseased hooker from New Jersey’s underground tunnels of mole-hookers.

Date Added: 01/12/13

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Name: Senran Kagura

Subtitle: The “BOOBS. That is all.” anime

Summary: The 90’s with boobs and ninjas in the city. What did you grab? Dat scroll. Gave up their youth to be ninjas. Of course you want to titfuck the blonde one. Cheesecake scenes. She just doesn’t close the shirt. Don’t flout your strength, I mean tits. Jackie is shipping every char with every char. Gainaxing. Ninja school? Just shaking those things. Then why are you in ninja school. Tits fights. AHAHAHAHA. NO! Gangs  WHUT! Frump butt. BACKSTABBING! Battle sphere. Her transformation is to unbutton her shirt. What the boobsSWORDS! BEST DRUMMER EVER IN THE WORLD.

Review: We were actually complaining last week how these kinds of animes just aren’t around enough, you either get loli shit, highschool shit, or you get Queen’s Blade shit – which. Ugh. But no here’s a wholesome show that’s just about chicks in ninja outfits – to varying degrees of course. And they’ve just got a bunch of tits. However the internet in its infinite fuckery has more pages of porn between the pink and white haired bitch, which shows that otaku just want the lolis as much as they can. (Research provided by LeeHK, and fuck doing MLA shit) that’s sad, so sad. Man – weeaboos are the worst.

Date Added: 01/12/13

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Name: Senyu

Subtitle: The “A.S.S – Another shit short” anime

Summary: Wtf slime, and then piracy warning from subbers…  Lol slime fetish… gross… it’s his waifu? Lol gag fantasy anime – nice. AHAHAHAH. Lol king on the crown in case you forget, lolwut. Wtf? Probable descendants? That giraffe is killing him. Help you? What.

Review: Hurr rpg shit and comedy – oh for fucks sake I’m tired of this.

Date Added: 01/10/13

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Name: Tamako Market

Subtitle: The “INB4 K-On char crossover” anime

Summary: K-On – I thought it was over? NOOOO! He was refrigerated? Chicken face fuckers? SEXY BIRDY! GET OFF ME! Dickhole bird. DAD! Lol carrying the bird. HAHA. Sassy gay bird. Kill it. DAD! Birds get in free. DEAD! She just throws it! Boring… HEAD ON apply directly to the head. Technics 1200 and jellyfish. Dat strutting bird. Coffee  must be bitter! He got so fat. HE CAN’T FLY, he’s too fat! Then he just hit the chick he likes. LOLOLOLOLOLOL. LAZERS!!!!!!!!!

Review: Let’s see how far KyoAni can carry a show with a talking bird being the only thing that makes the show watchable. And go.

Date Added: 01/12/13

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Name: Vividred Operation

Subtitle: The “Look up, look down, your grandpa is now a ferret. Anything is possible when you animu” anime

Summary: That’s unproportionally tall.  The wind up there has to be really high. Butts the anime? Wear some clothes. Wank-O! OH MAN. That’s not a glomp, IS THAT MAYO? What is a color spectrometer – Lee: That’s redundant. Pingu fucken Disgaea? DEAD. Special state of emergency, call Nerv. BORED! To young to be at spaceport. SEVEN YEARS AGO. You’re not eva, fuck off. Damn he dead. THAT MAKES NO SENSE. And Lee did not take me up on Negima level bet. Is that cryogenic? EVEN THEN HE’D BE DEAD! SECOND IMPACT! HURR! DEAD. Physics makes you dead. BULLSHIT. THIS. IS. DUMB. WHAT IS THAT – godfucken magic. Docking lesbians.

Review: Like you know what I wish someone would do? Have this anime, but then when that chick gets into the mech thing some old guy comes in and punches the loli in the face to take the mech, and then has seizure fits over high schools – destroying them. We may have suggested this before, and you know why? BECAUSE FUCK THIS ANIME. Everything about it is garbage, the dumb characters, the grandpa ferret situation, the stupid science, the what the shit aliens, the wannabee Nerv aspects. The worst part though, the part that I just can’t stand is this: All the girls in this anime are very underage – AND HAVE AN AVERSION TO PANTS. It’s basically all bootyshorts on little girls 24/7 up in this bitch – and fuck that noise. This isn’t pandering it’s degrading. This is the thing that takes the entirety of the anime genre down a notch. This is basically Battlefield Earth to anime – and that’s sickening.

Date Added: 01/19/13

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Name: Yama no Susume

Subtitle: The “Hey we should go climb a mountain” anime

Summary: FUCKEN ANOTHER short. Weird 3d shit. I can’t deal with people, but I can buy things. Lesbian hiking! AHAHA she broke a leg. What a douchebag.

Review: Fucken lesbians and hiking.

Date Added: 01/05/13

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Name: Zetta Karen Children : The Unlimited – Hyoubu Kyousuke

Subtitle: The “Dicks. That is all.” anime

Summary: ALL THE BUTT FUCKEN. Killing all the dudes. CHAOS EMERALDS. Then nerd fight. All the cigarettes.  Then gay porn prison buttsecks. I AM BOSS! All the buttsex. What an asshole poisoning his friend. Antidote?  What was that just now?! Killing all the things. There’s the 10 year old. Only got 1 big arm. Scryed? Lol hitler? Ew. Racist. We’ll be doing one thing, and one thing only – killing Nazis. Then the teasing of his dick began. Your ship is catastrophe?  All according to keikaku.

Review: Gentlemen we have Senren Kagura, ladies you get convoluted butt stuff here. If you’re into that I guess than feel free.

Date Added: 01/12/13

===============================================

Okay then well that’s what I have so far. I’ll have a full ending/final thoughts once every-thing’s out. If you’re looking for something and didn’t find it above check the list below (It may not be out/reviewed). I have the release date (secondhand info) and my initial thoughts having not seen it.

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Name: Hetalia: The Beautiful World

Release Date: 01/25/13

Initial Thought: Meanwhile fangirls everywhere rejoiced the fuck out; however the rage of others grew with an intensity that Hetalia did not stay dead like the MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WHO DIED IN WORLD WAR 2 – NOT COOL HETALIA.

===============================================

End of to be Subbed/Reviewed list:

Here’s my issue of the releases this season 1/3 were shorts, and of those shorts only 2 were good. Now here’s my issue – I you are going to do less anime, at least make what you do fantastic, but no just like the other 20 or so anime most things suck, and once again we get a winter season where there’s nothing to get excited about. (Ignore Nekomonogatari as it’s an OVA that’s all out already), meaning that at the end of every week I don’t have anything to get hype to watch – sure there’s a couple good things to watch like – I can’t even list things here. I’m watching Kotoura to see if it gets dark, Senran because of boobs, and Ai Mai Mi because lol. There’s my standard fare of mediocre that I’ll watch because I’m me, but all I can recommend is doing this anime bear style – by hibernating the fuck out of winter.

But then that’s what we’ve been doing for the past 2 years, since our inception with Highland Park, which while it’s a good scotch and I’m sure there’s quite a lot of people who would think that it’s the best they’ve had, well we’ve been here to tell you to man up and try the actually good stuff.

Nerdfit as you may have guess from Erik’s post about changes going on and growing up are most likely bunk, but we’ve been here every week posting about some booze, but then we never really fit here. This may be hard to understand but I actually get what Nerdfit is, and booze reviews really isn’t that. So we’ll soon be starting a new venture (once I sort out being in and out of the Middle East – which has put a damper on reviewing in its own right) that we’ll surely announce here for your reviewing pleasure.

But enough about us, let’s talk scotch. We’ve had a fair ride with this Glenmorangie taster pack, but with this I’d have to say the experience wasn’t a great one. While this and Quinta Ruban are certainly good scotches on their own, it seems like experiments with Glenmorangie, which at the end of the day didn’t need it. Though I could still be bitter about how much scotch is being ruined by sherry casks.

“Literally the golden drink of the gods, Glenmorangie Nectar d’Or derives its lemony honey silkiness and sumptuous finish from the rare Sauternes bariques (from the most renowned French vineyards) selected for extra maturation.”

Taste: 7.0 – It kind of goes through 3 stages, honey -> burn -> warmness. I would not say that this is literally the nectar of the gods. The initial taste though is great, but stage 2 is bad.

Aftertaste: 5.75 – So the aftertaste is awful, but the after aftertaste is really good, so it’s a balancing act.

Burn/Smooth: 5.5 – It’s smooth but it does burn, but it also has warmness, it’s kind of complex for a 12 year old.

Aroma: 6.0 – It’s quite good, and you certainly get the honey, but overall it’s fairly standard fare if not a bit above

Manliness: 6.0 – What a way to shoot yourself in the foot, they had to say it was ‘literally’ the nectar of the gods, which is wrong. Everything else if fine about it in manliness, but because they undercut it with that text and not back it up they lose points.

Mixability: 7.625

Da Rocks: 7.5 – It takes away the transition grossness, so it most certainly improves on it, I mean there’s a bit taken away from it overall, but it generally leaves a great warmness.

Rusty Nail 2: 7.75 – That is a good rusty nail, DJ Lvl feels the rusty part whatever that means, but it’s quite tasty regardless.

Value: 3.75 – The issue is I would expect to pay 65 for this, and I could get a few things for nearly half this price, but the fact that Glenmorangie aged their scotch for 2 more years in a wine cask doesn’t double the price.

Google Shop Average: $80

Website: http://www.glenmorangie.com/

Reviewer Scores:

BuffaloJern: 6

DJ_Lvl: 5.5

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Metric Score: 41.63/70 |+| Metric Average: 5.95 |+| Reviewer Average: 5.75

New to Nerdfit Booze Reviews, or just wondering how we score? See our FAQ/Review Policy.

Final Thoughts:

So it goes. Cheers mates.

So continuing with what will be our Nerdfit finale we have the secondary of our set of Glenmorangie scotches this time the Quinta Ruban. However rather than the awful sherry cask from last week, this week it’s been aged in a port cask, and much like how port is better than sherry this scotch is much nicer.

This certainly makes a scotch that is certainly unique, but if we’re comparing to other single malts it’s taste while nice, is not stellar.

“The darkest and most intense whisky in the extra-matured range, Glenmorangie Quinta Ruban has spent 10 years maturing in American white oak casks, before being transferred into specially selected ruby port pipes from the Quintas or wine estates of Portugal.”

Taste: 6.88 – Taste is comparable to the classic, and it’s really nice.

Aftertaste: 7.25 – I really enjoy the aftertaste – it certainly improves on the original. Leaves my palate feeling happy.

Burn/Smooth: 5.25 – Some feel it burns a little too much, it does keep the warmness going for quite a while, but that’s mixed with a burn. Feels like heartburn.

Aroma: 6.83 – Buffalo really likes – smells like a scotch poured on a port barrel. Also Justice may have poured some on his nose.

Manliness: 7.17  – Portugal > Spain. Really does enough for itself in manliness.

Mixability: 6.83

w/ Rocks: 6.83 – We really like that, but it doesn’t do much more for the scotch.

Value: 5.63 – Slightly average, but the taste is a bit better giving it the extra point.

Google Shop Average: $45

Website: http://www.glenmorangie.com/

Reviewer Scores:

William Henri Neve the IV: 7

Justice: 6

BuffaloJern: 7

DJ_Lvl: 7

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Metric Score: 45.38/70 |+| Metric Average: 6.48 |+| Reviewer Average: 6.75

New to Nerdfit Booze Reviews, or just wondering how we score? See our FAQ/Review Policy.

Final Thoughts:

Good scotch, like it, really does enough for that extra bit of maturation in port to think it’s worth it. Still though you have to think that the scotch would be better sat in a regular cask for just another two years on it’s own.

That may have been a mistake – granted the mistake was really the first batch ‘Lasanta’ which is nothing like Mexican Santa unless instead of coal – a useful commodity worth money, he gives you bad scotch. So it’s exactly like Mexican Santa. We were actually close to calling this the worst scotch we’ve ever tried, but good ol’ Jura had to go and ruin that – among other things.

Speaking of ruined who here likes Sherry? Now on occasion I’d like a little, and adding it to cooking is great – but I wouldn’t say it’s the bee’s knees. Typically scotch barrels are either charred on their own, or bourbon barrels (as they can only be used for bourbon once) – and that produces a nice scotch taste, and is genuinely pleasant.

This is the first scotch I can recall being used in Sherry casks, and if it’s anything to go by the man who thought to himself that wasting scotch like this was a good idea should be shoot in the foot, and told to carry all these casks to a ditch, and then drown himself.

“Redolent with the ‘warmth and passion’ of Jerez, Glenmorangie Lasanta is characterized by rich, spicy, nutty notes from the highest quality Spanish Oloroso sherry casks selected for extra maturation”

Taste: 7.13 – Pretty tasty and complex. Nice bit of sweetness.

Aftertaste: 3.63 – Here it really shoots itself in the foot. Not a huge fan. Just really bitter.

Burn/Smooth: 4.38 – A bit short but it certainly is burning.

Aroma: 6 – A sweeter brandy bourbon sort of scent to it. Certainly more stylized, but not sure if we prefer.

Manliness: 2.75 – So fuck Spain – Spain does not belong in my scotch, because it’s scotch. Also redolent? Really could you do me a favor and try to wank harder.

Mixability: 1.5

w/ Rocks: 1.5 – It somehow kills the actual taste leaving you with the shit.

Value: 1 – You get to pay 10 bucks more to ruin your scotch

Google Shop Average: $46

Website: http://www.glenmorangie.com/

Reviewer Scores:

William Henri Neve the IV: 2

Justice: 1.5

BuffaloJern: 2

DJ_Lvl: 2

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Metric Score: 26.38/70 |+| Metric Average: 3.77 |+| Reviewer Average: 1.88

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Final Thoughts:

Sherry Casks should be brought out into the middle of the street and filled with grenades for ruining scotch. I’m sorry I understand the need to experiment, try new things, and see if you can improve upon your standard scotch. However said experiments shouldn’t be sold because all it will do is make people think you suck.

I first encountered Jura at a Scotch tasting out in Waltham, Massachusetts.  At the time I didn’t think it was all that bad, but then again I’d already tried four scotches before it so my opinion was likely very skewed.  And by likely I mean definitely.  Buffalo Jern, William Henri Neve IV, and I sat down to our first scotch review in a while with very high hopes, hopes that were very swiftly dashed.

Before I get into the real depths of our horror, let’s at least give Jura a chance to defend itself:

“Origin is the 10 year old that started the Jura  journey.  It carries the traditional Celtic symbol for birth, beginning and the forces of nature.  It tells of a passion rekindled, a distillery reborn and a remarkable whisky forged by turbulent seas and windswept landscapes.  It holds a special place in the heart of all Diurachs.  For the people of Jura, Origin is the water of life.

Slumbering for a full decade in quiet contentment, this beguiling spirit has a lingering taste of warming gentle oak, notes of honey and caramel, soft liquorice and roasted coffee beans.  To be leisurely savoured.”

Wank.  Pure 100% wank.  Well I’ll be generous, maybe just 90%.  Point being a lot of what is said here is just faffing about with no real content.  I’m drinking Jura again as I write this and I can safely say that this scotch does not nearly have the complexity which the text above implies.  Now it may be that I just haven’t tasted enough scotches to fully appreciate it.  Though, with the number of scotches myself and the other members of Booze reviews have tried, I sincerely doubt this one is going to get much better.

So how would we have written that little blurb about this scotch?  It starts off in winning fashion by assaulting your nose with an aroma that says anything but ‘drink me’.  Once it actually gets in your mouth it does a little bit of a better job selling itself.  The taste is pleasant (at least compared to the smell) but it doesn’t last near long enough to make up for the incredibly harsh aftertaste.  Finally Jura finishes with a burn that takes advantage of skin the aftertaste seared off of your throat to completely remove any hope your throat ever had to regenerate its mucus membrane.

Doesn’t sound nearly as appealing does it?  We didn’t think so either, as is plainly obvious by the scores below:

Taste: 4.67 – It’s taste is fairly middle of the road.

Aftertaste: 1.83 – This is not pleasant. I have not had a worse aftertaste – there could be worse, but damn who care this is bad.

Burn/Smooth: 3.17 – It burns like a bitch – certainly harsh – knee slapper. It has a slightly redeeming warmness.

Aroma: 3.67 – Smell is certainly potent – it’s strong not sure if we like it. Doesn’t have the drink me smell we want.

Manliness: 1.33 – SO MUCH WANK. AND THEY LIE TO YOU. Bottle looks stupid – looks like a basic tequila bottle. Scots using Egyptian writing?

Mixability: 3.33

w/ Rocks: 4.67  – it turns it from bad to mediocre.

Rusty Nail: 2.0 – This is just awful.

Value: 2 – There’s just so much you could get at this price, that’s just so much better.

Google Shop Average: $40

Website: http://www.isleofjura.com

Reviewer Scores:

William Henri Neve the IV: 2.5

Justice: 2

BuffaloJern: 2

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Metric Score: 20/70 |+| Metric Average: 2.86 |+| Reviewer Average: 2.17

New to Nerdfit Booze Reviews, or just wondering how we score? See our FAQ/Review Policy.

Final Thoughts:

Now one thing people need to realize after walking away from this review is in the end, this is still a single malt scotch, and therefore stands a head above many other non-scotch whiskies we’d give the same score.  That being said, I’ll leave you with some of the less than flattering quotes from the night we tasted this abominat—I mean Scotch.

“Just disappointing in every way – make no mistake this is certainly the worst single malt we’ve ever tasted – and while it may not be the worst in the world – I would advise against anyone trying this with my dying breath.”

Now personally I liked their first album – their later stuff just had way more burn and the aftertaste was just subpar – I really wish my vodka’s would stop becoming sell-outs (Looking at you New Amsterdam with your peach and berry flavors)

In all seriousness though we actually enjoy this vodka – we just don’t 30 dollars enjoy it. And in that price class I could never see why anyone would not go for Double Cross or Hammer + Sickle – at the end of the day that’s really the issue. It’s not in the nice tier, but it’s a bit over the average tier in terms of taste – and mediocre everywhere else.

“Front: Batch 12.14 Bottle 195

Back: Produced and bottled by the Northern Maine Distilling Co. Houlton Maine, USA. Contains 100% Neutral grain spirits micro distilled for you.”

Taste: 8.0 – It’s a nice taste, it’s smooth and creamy – it’s a good balance between being nice and creamy or being not there at all. We really enjoy it.

Aftertaste: 6 – It’s not as pleasant as the initial taste – best way to say it is that it comes together for a great taste but then splits up.

Burn/Smooth: 5 – Sadly it’s an average vodka burn – which is depressing.

Aroma: 7.5 – Fairly faint – you really have to get into it to find that cheap vodka burn.

Manliness: 7 – It’s very upfront about what it says – not wanking at all. The real issue is that the name is just Twenty 2 which does nothing, and sadly it’s not going out of its way to be manly.

Mixability: 6.5

Russian: 7 – Like the issue is that compared to Belvedere or Ciroc it’s a good Russian. The basic deal is that unless they had Double Cross and Hammer + Sickle I would name this vodka to my bartender. He would then not know it because micro-distilled.

Vodka Tonic: 6 – It disappears a bit, but that average vodka burn is still there.

Value: 3.75 – It’s a little sad that for an American micro-distilled vodka that it’s that expensive.

Google Shop Average: $27

Website: http://www.twenty2vodka.com/

Reviewer Scores:

BuffaloJern: 6.0

DJ_Lvl: 6.5

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Metric Score: 42.75/70 |+| Metric Average: 6.11|+| Reviewer Average: 6.25

New to Nerdfit Booze Reviews, or just wondering how we score? See our FAQ/Review Policy.

Final Thoughts:

We like the taste and the russian, but the burn and price just make it pale to other vodka’s we know. The final result is that we do love this vodka and we have the utmost support for this, Cold River and other local vodka things in America – we just really wish that was about 7 dollars less.

Now I’m sure even for you after roaming the barren wasteland of Pandora that any beer that comes in a box, and is blended from various barrel aged beers would be the nectar of the angel – the sad fact is that the barrels they used were red – and we all know what those do!

Now for a company built around it’s illegal bear, lion, and skag fights this beer was meant to be a celebration – and they certainly are treating it as such. This isn’t a beer worth celebrating about though – now I’d like to believe that you can do blended beers more complex than a black and tan and have it taste phenomenal, but this story’s ending is about as anti-climatic as the Destroyer..

“They had so much literature I had to scan it. Which I’ve discovered my scanner does not work on this pc – so dumbest workaround ever.” (click images for larger version)

Taste: 5.75 – There’s a lot of body to it. Almost like a vinegar bitterness – it’s not a hoppy bitterness. Not really preferable.

Aftertaste: 6.75 – It certainly has layers, and the fact that it’s a blended beer really comes through. Certainly much better.

Burn/Smooth: 5.0 – (Note really can’t be a burn.) Pretty average in terms of smoothness.

Aroma: 7.0 – Smells nice – really chocolate-y.

Manliness: 7.5 – It’s certainly manly, but the fact that it’s not as good as it would seem to be makes it seem more like wank than awesomeness.

Value: 3.5 – The issue is for a pint we would expect to pay half the price for this beer.

Google Shop Average: $16

Website: http://www.firestonebeer.com/

Reviewer Scores:

BuffaloJern: 4

DJ_Lvl: 3.5

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Metric Score: 35.5/60 |+| Metric Average: 5.91 |+| Reviewer Average: 3.75

New to Nerdfit Booze Reviews, or just wondering how we score? See our FAQ/Review Policy.

Final Thoughts:

The more I drink it, the lower the score gets in how much we like it. If your aged beer doesn’t taste like wood – you weren’t using a Jakobs.

But I had to review something – so I reviewed my fridge after my first day here:

Final Score? 10/10