Well then, it finally happened. The summer, the most dreaded of the seasons for anime has arrived. With it we have some mediocre anime about 2 good ones, and a bunch of shit, and by a bunch I mean not a lot because there were only 15 animes this season; which is low. As always I decide to sum up my thoughts on the season in a handy graphic that goes before the jump.
Right then. So onto the reviews, as always they’re in alphabetical order with the “summary” first and my thoughts second. If you’d like however I can shorten your reading by saying just go watch Highschool of the Dead, Sengoku 2 if you liked 1, and Shiki.
Name: Amagami SS – “The everyone loves visual novel dating sims in anime form right?” anime.
Summary: Haha stood up over eager jackass. Oh man bad engrish telling me I lurve you 4ever? How’d you know that’s what I wanted? Hey, hey everybody guess what? It’s a modern day harem show! Wait wtf you can’t sleep in the closet this isn’t Hartford. Every time she says Nii-Nii my ears bleed. Hello pr0n best friend good to see you again. Bread mosh pit! Harem Girl Death Stare! Dear god they keep throwing female chars at him. Wait congo line leap frog buttsex? So as if there wasn’t enough love flags thrown at you she literally jumps you. Ok. Stop the phone. You just met his little sister and you’re like you know? I wanna bathe with that? Wtf the fuck. FUCKEN NII-NII! Ok gents I know I will never be in harem love situation but if a chick goes like do you like me/like you? And goes JKJKJKLOLOL Imma gonna be like yeah bitch let’s do it on that chair/table right now. Oh man he grew a pair. REJECTED!
Review: It’s a cliché, a tired, beaten, dragged through the mud and thrown onto a plate served in a bad chinese restaurant cliché. Like you know of all the harem anime cliché’s the best friend/pron provider/randomly jumps in explain main chars love predicament coupled with his own jealously is getting fucken annoying because no one even tries to change that one so it seems different. That’s what this show is, not interesting, not daww romance, just fucking useless waste of time to make a modern day harem show based off one of those dumb visual novels that japan wants to literally marry.
Name: Asobi ni Iku Yo “The CATGIRLS FROM SPAAAAAAAACCCCCEEEEE“ anime
Summary: Would you like to play a game? AN RPG! Mech time? Nope its an exoskeleton that’s fine too. Right in the leg. Resistance is futile. Aliens? WTF BOOM! Aviators? Wtf Catgirl? Bow to the boobs. Ok seriously why is no one freaking out about the catgirl. WOW you sir are the lightest of the light weights! Where else would the cat girl be but in your bed. Tits! Ohai childhood friend. Misunderstanding Shenanigan Time! Ah so aliens are catgirls, that’s fine. Lol. Careful the gun nutcase is watching you. Lol product placement. You call your computer Hal? Is that wise? Ok… Don’t get in the car he’s a rapist! Dammit your screwed. Oh shit reversal you gonna get shot, she can summon guns, not as planned. Yeah your pants are brown. Oh hey welcome to the mercenary bar, we’re all polishing our guns right now some come on in and grab a rag.
Review: This anime is sort of lower middle tier if I was asked to describe it, it’s not like some others this season being spectacularly boring but it seems okay at the least. However this series could go three ways, nowhere at all, really really bad, or decently okay. It’s worth a trial run at best.
Name: Highschool of the Dead – “The Tits, Zombies, Guns being everything you ever needed” anime
Summary: 1 minute in: Already Happy. Take it! Take it! Take it! Take it! Take it! GET TO THE CHOPPER! Urrrrr.. doobie doobie doo de doo. Urrrrrrr… doobie doobie doo de doo. 3 minutes in: Happier. Like this is already tits and guns and zombies and butts and sex. Like this is exactly what you’d think it be. Bounce, bounce. You get shot down but you’ll get up again because zombies coming around. Seriously no-one in this show will have below d-cups. Take it! RISE! Take it! NO not a tits character! Tits + zombies = cool, however tits & zombies = not cool. SMACK MY BITCH UP! Arm yourselves! The phones are dead! Get out of the building! Shit communications just went down! Take it! Everybody RUN! Take it! Panty shots? FIGHT! Take it! Bitten. Take it! Take it! No. Another d-cup down. And so the city shall burn. Wait get to the choppa for real this time! Can I review this every week? This animes too much fun. Best Friend Take It! Crazy time! Because suicide is painless.. It’s zombie time! And so night begins to fall and with it so will us all. The movies were true! Suicide, the only way to keep your humanity. DO IT! High Quality Take it! You hate me so I’m gonna go kick some zombie ass. Lol jk don’t leave me.
Review: Review in 1 Word! YES. Repeat a million times for desired effect. Seriously it’s zombies. No fucking around with plants or magic or crazy bullshit just a Romero movie with high schoolers instead of regular people in the form of an anime. You already know you’d like this and that you’d watch it, you don’t need me here to tell you otherwise.
Name: Kuroshitsuji II – “The honestly shit is in the name take the hint” anime
Summary: Spider mouth, spider mouth does whatever a spidermouth does. Ahh so the main char is a dick. Holy skull fuck! Ok he’s not a dick he’s a I’m gonna poke your eye out kinda bastard. ALL HAIL BRITTANIA! Oh right I forgot the first Kuroshitsuji was Geass in disguise. Ahh hey dancing railing guy what’s going on? Can you tango on a 2 by 4? Prince of Persia? Yo dude there’s setting a table and there’s showing off, which do you think you’re doing? Ole! INB4 Hosaka from Minami-ke being the best male with sparkles. Marco. Polo. Waiter there’s a twig in my soup. And now we have a man in a black coat and hat, could he be the black butler? Nope he’s leading you into the basement he’s just a rapist. Oh wow it’s the butler from season 1, and the box has his tiny master in it, big surprise. DRIFTUUUU!
Review: Meh. This was an okay anime from the getgo, and its sequel like most will not prove to be vastly superior. If you watched the first sure it wouldn’t kill you to pick it up, but if you feel compelled to watch this and go watch the first season to catch up get yourself checked out with a doctor because you apparently have bad taste.
Name: Mitsudomoe – “The hey have another kindergarten “ anime
Summary: I don’t know what just happened; it was like I was confused and angry at the same time. Honestly I’ve got a bad feeling about this one.. It would appear that the industry tired of doing school life animes about high/middle school has moved to grade school. Okay horror music, nice mood setting. Battle Royale? Dude if this is Battle Royale Kindergarten version that be cool. Damn it’s not. Woah kind of a grudge kinda moment. Super Saiyan? BLOOD! Wait what? Noose or leash? What… Southern Sweets? Protect your nuts! Bringing pocket pool to a whole new level. Teabagged! I’m pretty sure that doesn’t cause solar flares. It’s Hamtaro time! Hamtaro. Open your legs and the ring girl appears. Okay it’s devolved to see how many times they can say nipples.
Review: Right. So there are going to be two kinds of people who like this show. Those that find it’s actually funny and feel it should be watched. And lolicons not getting enough high off of Strike Witches 2. Honestly it’s not that great of a show, it does have some funny bits but like I said it’s basically just a lol school life but at grade school level.
Name: Nurarihyon no Mago “The Snoooooooooooooooooze“ anime
Summary: The Supreme Commander of the Monsters! Yeaaaahh! Taste this STEEL! Thunder. Nananananananah Thunder. Nanananananana. Oh man some school life spirit anime. Jesus the supreme commander controls the BEEEEEESSSSS! Boring… even the anime says it’s boring. THE BEES! Some boring test of faith. Oh hey the main char did the thing where he’s like well time to use super powers. And some stuff, and it’s over. People in the audience are sleeping.
Review: Basic spirit anime, it’s going to suck, it’s going to be mostly uneventful, the fights will be lackluster, and romance would be pitiful, and honestly you just don’t give a damn about the characters or storyline. There is nothing going on here and as such it deserves no attention.
Name: Ookami – “The Toradora meets Railgun meets Student Council” anime.
Summary: I’m from the bank, I’m blackmailing you to leave a girl alone and I have kitty fists. Listen if god says you gotta small chest don’t stare at her like it will solve it. And maid, and rape, and boxing? Yo eyepatch guy I like your beard, say hi to your mother for me. Shower scene this early? Woah points for being desperate enough to grab her leg after she rejected you. If you’re wondering yes she is a normal size Taiga. Staring Time! TOTALLY UNRELATED TO PRINCE OF TENNIS YOU SAY? A fetish for returning favors? What the fuck. Cue towel drop in… there it is. And a mad scientist loli in a witch outfit just showed up to save the day with a bike connected to a pumpkin. Ok… flying cranium kick? Hey stop jacking off that pipe. You totally make a good meat shield.
Review: Right then. So I’ll make this short, this anime isn’t what I would call good, if however it can keep throwing things out of left field than it is worth watching. I mean the chars are okay the animation is fine the story and premise seem weak, and the constant narration is goddamn annoying, the voice just makes me angry and I’m sure it’s the lesbian bitch from Railgun which is not a good thing. I can’t guess where this anime is going to go and it won’t win any prizes from me, but if you’re bored and need a summer series to watch this isn’t terrible.
Name: Seikimatsu Occult Gakuin – “The I didn’t like this until she axe’d her father’s ghost“ anime
Summary: 3rd times the charm hopefully for Anime no Chikara eh? Shutup cabbie. Snot drip to the GROUND! It’s the dead principals mix tape. Who you gonna call, ghostbusters. And nothing happens. Who disturbs my slumber! And she uses the chair, gravedigger goes down. Lolololol. Flying purple principal one eyed one winged flyi… To fight the spirit we shall use Sailor Fat, and Sailor Lazy. Lol Slime! Punch the spirit in the face. Vomited! Oh Christmas tree oh chri… Counter tricked! Shit she’s got an axe! BLOOD! Woah she chopped the head off and there was party balloons inside! Jesus frizzy hair to the extreme. Oh hey the torture chamber from Higurashi I was looking for that for ages. Pumpkinhead! Remember to beat your kids. Oh hai secret organization. I will destroy this school with my finger! God? Or alien tractor beam? It’s raining man? Yo you need goggles when descending from the light, pants are optional, though heroine will freak out because your penis is just there. Live action ending?
Review: You know this isn’t half bad, it has potential I highly doubt it will use it wisely and I fully anticipate this anime eventually just being meh, but honestly it might not. It’s an occult anime so you will have to deal with that but yeah this seems like a good watch.
Name: Seitokai Yakuindomo – “The can’t we get over Thunderdome Student Councils“ anime
Summary: Raise your hands! Ok either video is bad or there derping on quality. Choke. Wow, midget to the extreme that’s actually quite surprising how tiny she is. Also boot to head. Wait wtf. Ok harem yes, that I don’t even know. Ahh I see so the entire school is lesbians. Too bad this isn’t Maria Holic. Period jokes? Really. Lazer Eye! Heaven or Hell let’s rock! Pads vs Tampons. WHAT. Vagina hole on the box? Wait it’s a real person advertising a travel company. Commercial or part of the show. Oh no, they’re just commercials left in. Right so everyone no dating but masturbation is ok. Wait you enjoy touching your butt? Yo it’s always good to guard your vagina. Ok? Time to watch some pron.
Review: It’s another student council school life anime. This one keeps itself apart because A. the humor is usually crude and adult. B. The show it seems is at least aware of itself. To be fair it’s really not that bad of a watch but then again that’s not what you should have in mind when watching anime. A sort of well it’s not bad, normally you’re supposed to watch good things (or things so bad it’s ungodly) To this I’ll say give it a whirl if you don’t like the first episode chances are you won’t like the rest because I don’t see this breaking the formula it set out.
Name: Sekirei Pure Engagement “The lol memories of C+D orders” anime
Summary: Not gonna lie didn’t finish the last series, and I don’t need too. Blackhawk down the anime? C2? Wait Geass? You know I gotta say eventually a military is gonna be like you know maybe it’s not impossible that all that shit blew up I mean this just happens a lot we should just accept it. Oh man some evil preaching just what no one wants. All according to plan! Incoming tits! Ceiling tits? And there’s the tentacle rape. Bounce Bounce. There are just giant tits everywhere like this is literally two steps away from Eiken. And you’re going to get sexed. Databasuuuuuu! Like I think they made a lot of female chars and ran out of female VA because some of these chicks just have guy voices. And some shower scenes. Centimeter shorts? Wait hold the phone you’re not Ikkitousen cut that out. Okay srsly enough with the “it seems like a storm is coming, it’s overly done just say lolololololol foreshadowing, dammit. OMG derp. Oh hi narrator what’s going on, oh its evil preaching guy.
Review: You see this is what we all know it to be, your standard fighting/harem/fanservice to the max anime. However it’s in the wrong season because Highschool of the Dead already fills this void much much better than Sekirei ever could.
Name: Sengoku Basara 2 “The Ridiculous was his name-o” anime
Summary: GET THE GUNS OUT! And everything was okay, because this exists. Have a party! Like everyone is just fighting for no reason but it doesn’t matter. It’s cool. You see. Phantom dive! And gravedigger goes down! To defeat the HUNS! Our arrows shall blot out the sun! I have the POWER! What Jesus Christ you can’t be that tall it’s just ridiculous, OH WAIT THIS IS THE ANIME WITH A HORSE THAT HAS A MUFFLER AND HANDLEBARS WHO AM I KIDDING. Oh hello opening song, didn’t except you to show up today. Oh hello opening from first season what are you doing here? And then there’s some stuff on discussing what’s going on. YOU FOOL. I love conversation fight. Blue spy in the base!
Review: Its Sengoku Basara though to be honest by first episode standards it seems less outlandish and more subdued. Hopefully this doesn’t plague the series because Sengoku Basara was such a fun show to watch. Now to those who didn’t see the first series I would suggest you do because while the storyline isn’t really necessary it’s nice to have the background.
Name: Shiki “The SHIT JUST GOT REAL(LY WEIRD)“ anime
Summary: Ooooooiiii! You’re dead. Everyone turns into skeletons! Wtf a million dates on the same frame? OMG Nine Inch Nails knows the truth fuck this spirit anime is just gonna have Trent Reznor showing up going thump toosh thump toosh. Fuck. Woah tits. Okay you get pissed because people talk to you? Oh man delusional chick. Castle! Stalker! Oh hi fly whats going on say hi to your- JESUS CHRIST MAGGOTS IN THE EYES! Shit old people are just dying like mad. Wild dogs, ghost towns, cigarettes, living with dead bodies? Ok wtf is up with their eyes its fucken scary. Ok this anime is getting some serious weird points. Ok seriously this is making itself into a grownup Higurashi (especially the hair colors which defy spectrum) Yo man it’s like 2 in the morning, bad time to move into the castle. Oh snap she got killed by the light of the castle. Holy giant man lips Batman! Now we’re back to the beginning where that chick was toast. Ok guess pale tits is just dead on the inside. Ok shit just went off the deep end. Now she’s dead. Aww you miss your stalker.
Review: Ok so it seems I’ve found something this season that isn’t Sengoku or Zombies that appears interesting. I have no real idea exactly wtf is going on in Shiki but it looks like a very good horror anime, and the animation seems to be very top notch if not goddamn bizarre. Seriously though I’d suggest all of yall to give this show a watch for a few eps and see if you like it because this could end up being very very good.
Name: Shukufuku no Campanella – “The how the fuck did this get approved” anime
Summary: This seems dumb. I can already tell this is gonna be one of those shows that literally has nothing to offer. And now we have some moving puppets. Sooooooooooooooooooooo bored. I swear like shit better start on fire or something. Halfway through and I feel like I’m in a filler episode. And you’re not assassins so it’s boring. Seriously, that’s what you’re going to do? Ahh I see you realized that your show sucks so it was about time to throw in some fanservice. Like isn’t a first episode supposed to do something to draw you in? I guess this is a harem show? I can’t tell because NOTHING INTERESTING IS GOING ON.
Review: This is honestly the worst kind of show, there’s no real problems with animation or the characters, but the show doesn’t seem to have a real premise and the story mostly seems bland. But what this show really lacks is heart. There’s just no soul no drive to the show. It’s like it’s not even there, like its some corporeal being that while it does exist by no means is it alive. I mean sure there are shows where nothing happens, I mean Lucky Star or Hidamari doesn’t have what you would call movement, but still they has substance. When i saw this I already knew that it would be the worst of the season.
Name: Strike Witches 2
Summary: Originally I had planned to do this review by not doing it, and just repeating a synonym for eye gouging. It was then suggested well why not just get drunk and watch it. To which I did get drunk, I did download it, I did open the video file and then decided actually you know what I haven’t watched meatspin in a while perhaps that be a better idea. I then turned on the internet and instinctively hit stumpleupon and enjoyed some jokes and the occasional shot of a hot naked woman. I must say I have no regrets; I also consequently have no review. Normally I’d say well just don’t watch it, it’s not worth it, you could be arrested for pedophilia, but honestly I am impartial so go on then, go download it and watch it.
Review: See you’re still reading aren’t you? Yes you are because you are someone who enjoys watching something called anime. Not Strike Witches 2.
Name: The Legend of the Legendary Heroes – “The worst title ever, and one of the worst” anime
Summary: Let me guess a magical fantasy anime with some kind of war going on and a bit of romance? Alpha Stigma? My god fire the guy who they let do names. Ok either that was their attempt at comedy or this is going to be a parody anime in which case the campy names become okay. Okay grandma stop reminiscing. You Dango shows you the truth. Damn this isn’t a parody anime, it is however bad. Minami-ke triangle mouth? Wait water, that was supposed to be classic giant Indiana Jones ball… And there’s the tsundere meant to be cute char. This anime really sucks. STONE GUARDIAN MECH TIME! Magical Jewel Dues ex Machina time? Yup.
Review: This just really sucks. There’s just nothing good about it. There’s not anything terribly wrong about it, but there isn’t a single redeeming quality about it.
Well that’s all folks. So like I said watch the Zombies because it’s awesome, watch Sengoku Basara because its fun, watch Shiki because it’s interesting, Mitsudomoe because it’s kinda funny, and Occult because it’s a little interesting.
Tryout Ookami if you like adult Taiga, Amagami if you need you romance harem cliche, Asobi or Sekirei if HOTD tits are just not enough, Kuroshitsuji if your into that, Seitokai if you need more funny, and Nurarihyon if you’re that bored.
Do however avoid Legendary Heroes, Strike Witches, and Shu-ku-fuck-you Campella.