Guys Fairy Tail is ending. Well fuck anime right about now, because while those of us in the Buffalo Lounge have been enjoying the previous season of anime (read: drinking and mostly not being aware of what’s going on) this latest season here seems to be shit – and it’s a spring season. Meaning it has high volume, but is still all shit. It’s pretty much rage time.

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Even the 2nd seasons of things are shit, and there’s nothing that my manga reading has made me familiar with where it would be something to look forward too. I mean look at this visual guide [here] (from AnimuCharts) Do you see anything that even remotely looks good? Because I sure as shit don’t.

As some of you know I’ve recently decreased my watching volume – oh sure I review everything, and I still watch more series at once than like 3 other anime kids combined, but there’s been a decrease in viewing. With this latest season though I can only see that trend continuing. I hate to say it, but I guess I’m finally hitting that jaded point where anime for the most part just sucks.

Anyway no real changes to the format this season. So like before I won’t be keep you waiting three weeks to get your reviews, and be updating daily filling in new shows. I’ll have a list at the bottom of shows not aired, and check back every couple of days to see what my opinion/ADHD summary is. (Note: Once again all images from MyAnimeList.net) Updates in Bold.

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Name: Aiura

Subtitle: The “CRAB PEOPLE” anime

aiura

Summary: Crab people! Or just crabs. Was that Steve Jobs. Just butted that ice cream. SPICY!  Oh it’s a short, well at least the animation and art isn’t shit for a short. I guess. Man nothing happened.

Review: I’ll say this – this is without a doubt the best looking short I’ve seen to date, however nothing happens – meaning the likely forgot to include a writer in the budget. Now I’ll keep watching to see if it actually goes anywhere, but Hell I don’t even remember what happened and I just watched it.

Date Added: 04/10/13

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Name: Aku no Hana

Subtitle: The “I was an evil Miyazaki sprite once” anime

akunohana

Summary: Some whackass animation.  Well at least it made me aware there’s only 13 eps. You can’t do the sponsor reprise w/o sponsors. What happens to the people? Fucken Kemonzume. Shit they pull out an Army of Darkness ref? The anime is now reading a book. Fuck you old man in the picture. Of course it spoils you don’t put milk on the door. Lol it’s like texture popping. SOMETHING HAPPEN! HA! You can’t hit here, except wait Japan is pretty lenient. WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE! Monsters better start comin out the walls. THANK YOU.

Review: You see I want to hate this, and here’s the issue with that. The animation is certainly weird, and I’m a bunch of weebs will hate it – but I like that. The story seems to be a coming of age with a twist, and is paced fairly slow – another thing I have no problem. I have no qualms with the art style, characters, or anything  – though I did feel they could get to the point as the whole episode could have been done in 1 minutes. But that’s all fine, there’s no red flags there, but there’s just something under my skin not liking this.

Date Added: 04/09/13

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Name: Arata Kangatari

Subtitle: The “Oh you come from Japan – perfect now gender-bend” anime

arata

Summary: JUST FUCK THE FAMILY. Dull. Wait that’s a girl. Or are they going to make him a girl. No that’s really wrong. Pound you – in the vag. Nope not old at all. WHOA. BLOOD. Reverse harem for a guy? THEN BUTTSECKS ACROSS TIME. No you’re a kid in king arth-man I have to say that a lot this season. MAGIC. Blondie’s dead, and I’ve been framed for murder. Luckily the buttsex means you won’t get raped. C’mon sword get all glowy and shiny. Get some tongue in there.

Review: It’s another hero transported from Nippon into some fantasy sword and magic time period, and you know what – this needs to die. I’m sorry I mean I love Escaflowne, but this circling the drain, and it’s just no longer fresh. It’s gotten to the point where even fans who are not me are surely getting sick of this archetype, and how it’s no longer fun.

Date Added: 04/10/13

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Name: Cyclops Shoujo Saipu

Subtitle: The “May or may not be Mega Milk” anime

cyclops

Summary: Man when I was a kid I would never make that kinda promise. SUDDENLY PUBERTY! She needs a visor. Mega Milk? EAT IT! WGHUT? SHE WANTS THE D!

Review: Just another short that you can simply leave at the door, I really wish that shorts would you know be better than the regular anime considering they don’t have to do as much. BUT NO.

Date Added: 03/17/13

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Name: Dansai Bunri no Crime Edge

Subtitle: The “First World Problems: Definition – I can’t cut my cursed hair” anime

dansai

Summary: And then he murdered a girl with some scissors. You shouldn’t reach it, because murder.  Lol and then he got into a fetish. He likes cutting, kinda creepy. He held them hostage. Okay like why, fucken magic or steel or some shit. YES HE IS WEIRD. He wants to fuck your hair. And she just cums. MAKE OUT WITH THE HAIR. SINGS OF THE FATHER! BORING. IT’S JUST HAIR WHO CARES! OMG this is so dumb. WHO CARES.HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. AND of course it’s that. DURRRRRRRRRRRRR. OMG THIS IS DUMB.

Review: I would think that a series about curses, serial killers, and whatever kinda psycho bullshit is going on here would be enough to be intriguing. But it’s like somehow they managed to suck all of that interest away second by second. The convoluted plot, the characters that just become more and more unlikable to where you simply don’t care, and the overall stupidity of how they execute this premise – is a sin. I made the comparison of this to Gosick, and I realize now that was a mistake, because at least Gosick was watchable.

Date Added: 04/10/13

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Name: Date a Live

Subtitle: The “It’s shining moment is an Eva ripoff for building concept” anime

datelive

Summary: LET’S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS – TO DEFEAT THE HUNS! Spacequake – what the shit. And of course that happens. Dumb. Are you that stupid? Get out of Japan then. EVERYTHING CAN’T BE GROSS. It probably is gibberish. How are you alive? Lol and there’s a girl – oh she’s awake. Is he immune? She probably wants to die. Lolo her. I’M BLIND! FACE HERE. AND OF COURSE SHE’S THE COMMANDER. You are not commanding things at 14. Okay going with the theory he actually died, and this is a dream before he finally goes. Finally getting some sleep.

Review: Lee came up with this theory that this is all a dream from the moment the spacequake hit – which in its own right is something you need quite a lot of suspension of belief to go with, because fuck that’s stupid. But seriously, he dies the girl who randomly talked to him is wearing that and fighting another pretty girl, and his own 14 year old sister is the commander of a group of fighters fighting these aliens which cause space quakes. Between those 2 options Occams razor has to go the dream, and I will not stand to watch such a delusion.

Date Added: 04/11/13

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Name: Devil Survivor 2

Subtitle: The “Man cell-phones just isn’t as cool as shooting yourself” anime

devil

Summary: Dead face? LOL. Oh of course it comes before the death, because SMT. DEAD! TOO LATE! Lol continue screen. Not a survivor – it’s a monster because this is the dark h- shit it really is. PERSONA! When people die they become demons! Disaster from what? Lol 404. Case D alright. D is totally the problem. COME ON! Fucken aliens. Bitches he told you to run. You idiot! And of course his is overpowered. Stop referring to it by D. Fuck you I’m a tiger. OF COURSE THEY’RE METEROLOGICAL – TIME TO WATCH THE WEATHER CHANNEL!

Review: I like this anime, but then again it’s clearly an SMT storyline, with really well done visuals so to be fair it’s not like they could have gone wrong. I know a bunch of fanboys just started getting out of their seats about Trinity Soul – listen that was a mistake and P4 kinda proved they could get it right, and I see that happening here.

Date Added: 04/09/13

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Name: Ginga Kikoutai Majestic Prince

Subtitle: The “Gundam + Power Rangers = Abort the baby” anime

ginga

Summary: Dude your screens are made of water. Biggest nose in the world. SIMON! Or Cyclops? Wasn’t there a real battle. GB2 Gundam. Space paintballs. What is the drawing… He’s just a bad artist. Nope you’ll be fighting them by the end of the episode, because the rest of the war loses, and you are the last hope. When did they get our DNA. Lol matching hair colors. He can’t say no, this is the military. God so undisciplined. Jesus tits. There’s no ships they can’t really do anything. Okay I guess 5 units is enough to make a whole fleet decide to flee because a few died.

Review: God what an awful show. Seriously I understand that in reality if you have a serious alien problem than the solution is to find 5 teenage kids 3 boys/2 girls and assign them colors. The issue here is that nearly every choice and character interaction seems to be worse than Prometheus. The kids, the good guys, hell even the bad guys feel like they’re full of retardidum, and whatever sense of plot just feels like an awful piece of wet cardboard barely duct taped together.

Date Added: 04/11/13

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Name: Haiyore! Nyaruko-san W

Subtitle: The “You know the deaths in the real mythos are better than this” anime

haiyore

Summary: This is not my Ah My Goddess or Yuyu Hakusho cut it out. LISTEN IF SHE’S NOT SPROUTING TENTACLES AND MELTING PEOPLE WITH BLOOD SHE’S NOT CHTULU. True form is not just nudity. PREGNANCY SHOULD BE A COMMON THING! ….wut. You’ve gone right past sex into baby making – and it’s gross. The Chtulu mythos is currently rolling over in its grave. WHAT THE SHIT FORK? I can’t. NO. DIE. FIRE. MURDER. Juagg? Trapped. I think this anime is giving me brain cancer. SIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I literally just facepalmed. BURN IT! ………… WTF BOOM! MiB. And I don’t care.

Review: Honestly? I mean what I say above. I would rather the horrors of Lovecraft descend upon me before watching a series of this, because surely it would be better. I loved that little moment where they try to point out the mythos to tie together whatever fucked up thing this is to something. If you ever wondered why people could go crazy and shoot like 30 people – look no farther than this anime. I know that may seem insensitive, but then anyone who thinks so has not seen this. I have. And I am a worse person for it.

Date Added: 04/08/13

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Name: Hataraku Maou-Sama!

Subtitle: The “Take a lesson from this kids; your McDonalds worker may be a demon” anime

hataraku

Summary: Wait trade routes part 2. DEMONS! Listen I know this anime isn’t about this. Run away like a bitch. Cars could totally be magic. Lol pork cutlets are the bomb. What every mafia movie has that or a beef bowl.  Man learned Japanese really fast. Summoned cab. Borrowed lol. German? Lol is that a person. IT MIGHT NOT BE. The worst. SUPERSIZE ME! And then enter stage left cute girl. MgRonald aka Magnesium. Nope take back the loli. Not popura. Fried cannot spawn potatoes. WHUT. FULLTIME! Whoa you’re the hero?

Review: Is it odd that the final reveal actually didn’t seem like a great storytelling element, but more the first nail into this coffin which I suspect will be airtight in 13 weeks. The whole dynamic of the 2 dealing with this makes for decent comedy, but I know the addition of the hero and the romance that will inevitably come with it just makes me sad and depressed.

Date Added: 04/09/13

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Name: Hayate no Gotoku! Cuties

Subtitle: The “I thought Rie Kugimiya was done acting…” anime

hayate

Summary: Pfft your talent is bike riding things to death. Also HOW IS THIS STILL GOING ON? JESUS NOT ANOTHER NEW CHARACTER. Fuck I forgot there even was a talking tiger. Uhh was there something I missed, when did the start living in Love Hina? Yhup this is now Love Hina. And by help, she means distract you sexually. So he’s a robot. PLAGUE! RUN. GAY. Dead. Man fucken guilt trip. FUCK YUR PSP. Aww.

Review: It’s a well-established fact that the Love Hina anime was awful, and it’s becoming more apparent that with each successive Hayate series things become worse. This anime seems to be combining the two. Now here’s where the story of how they managed to cut the worst from both, and make a truly unique series – that however is complete fiction. BECAUSE THIS ANIME SUCKS AND YOU KNEW IT WAS GONNA SUCK BEFORE YOUREAD THIS PARAGRAPH STOP FOOLING YOURSELF.

Date Added: 04/09/13

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Name: Hentai Ouji to Warawanai Neko

Subtitle: The “This is why we don’t wish on stoned cats.” anime

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Summary: YO OSCAR WILDE, MY BOY! HAH. That looks like it will hurt a lot. Epic. Repeating scenes in the intro. ALL THE PRON. WHAYT. You can’t use a dutch wife as an offering. They really are. MOAR TASTY. Okay at least it’s not a body swap. JESUS. So she’s a bitch. YES! DEAD OR DIE! Lol wut.  Yeah guess you’re stuck. And then sexual assault. Then he got beat up with a cone. Stupid logic. Bold. NOPE.

Review: This isn’t terrible, I mean it’s certainly a comedy over the romance, but it’s certainly not treading new ground here, and even the overall plot and story is just awful. At the end of the day the anime is about the 90’s high school lesson of being yourself, with a bunch of cheesecake and perverted talking. The hints of romance are trying to be real, but you know it won’t end with anything meaningful.

Date Added: 04/15/13

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Name: Hyakka Ryouran: Samurai Bride

Subtitle: The “If samurai maid cafe gets you hot – jump into a volcano” anime

hyakka

Summary: YOU ARE NOT RIDING PLANES AND KILLING THINGS! President from Genshiken? Maid café’s are not a western thing. DAMMIT RIE KUGIMIYA. Even if he wasn’t there doesn’t mean you should run around topless. Harakiri AKA STAB YOURSELF IN THE CHEST! BACK FROM THE DEAD. And then that happened. ……………… What. THERE POWER LEVEL. IT’S OVER 9000! Sorry obvious joke is obvious. Getting pwn’d. Sealed. YOU LOST BITCH!  Gross. DUMB.

Review: I hated this in the first season, and you know? I need a word – a word to describe something where I actually managed to watch the first season without bashing my skull in, but the prospect of a second series makes that option seem very – enticing. I bet there’s some soul out there expecting a serious review of this anime. To that person I’m sorry – as you must be naive and young, but I’m here to warn you that out there is a lot of bad anime. Anime that will make you bleed from your ears BECAUSE RIE KUGIMIYA REFUSES TO DIE.

Date Added: 04/08/13

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Name: Kakumeiki Valvrave (Valvrave the Liberator)

Subtitle: The “Sunrise mech animes will always be fun” anime

kakumeiki

Summary: SPACE NAZIS. Lolololool. Throw up those wolf horns. WHOA. Fort kickass? Suck that dick! And the balls drop. Run they got knives. Okay Monk. What? He just fell over. That’s needless if they open with same switch. WHAT THE. Tie Fighter Mechs. Shit full scale invasion. GOD THAT KIDS NUTS. Some cold-blooded shit. DEAD. Do you resign as a human being? Shit your synch ratio. Stabbed in the neck! SHI- There’s still a fleet out there. What are you doing to those boobs.YO ASSASSIN’S CREED 13 or some shit. HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT. OH FUCKEN VAMPIRE!

Review: This really gets the mind thinking of Code Geass and Aquarion Evol – which is as much a criticism as it is praise. This really could go either way between awful and a complete trainwreck. At the end of the day though that doesn’t matter, because Valvrave will still be fun to watch. That’s all the matters, that every week you have an actual desire to watch an anime. I realize that it’s quite rare to have me completely praise and sign off on something, but this anime is essentially Linebarrels – not a great series, but a great one to watch, and who knows it could end up being really good.

Date Added: 04/15/13

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Name: Karneval

Subtitle: The “More like buttsexaval” anime

karneval

Summary: ALREADY GAY. Yo old guy is gonna get it. Is that a girl I doubt it. What the shit is that purple shit. Bored. WHOA THAT’S NOT COOL. OH GOD. GOTTA GO FAST. …. PUT THAT HEAD DOWN. HURRRRR. Lol pink cane. Oh man a chick, even though nothing happens. LIGHTSWORD! GHEY!

Review: This is fujoshi porn, oh sure there’s no sex, but if you want a parade of bishounen doing – fuck did they even really do anything – anyway, no this has nothing of value. Even to shippers or fujoshi as I doubt they would care about this over a real anime where they can just make up subtext.

Date Added: 04/10/13

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Name: Ketsuekigata-kun

Subtitle: The “Seriously the only time blood type should be discussed is if I’m actually bleeding” anime

ketsuekigata

Summary: Fucken blood types. He’s going to betray you. And there is the AB to O jokes. No because Japan gives a shit about blood types.

Review: Thankfully this is a short, because if I had to sit through 30 minutes of this crap I may have decided blood is a useless thing to have, and I should try to make it leave my body via my eyeballs and a pen.

Date Added: 04/10/13

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Name: Mushibugyou

Subtitle: The “Seriously first guy who makes bugdick jokes dies in a fire” anime

mushibugyou

Summary: GIANT CRAB. Art’s pretty interesting, hopefully not just in op. Fuck that bear. So lost. My parents are dead. Seppaku, and they ask his kid to do it instead, jesus that’s brutal. Put your dick in there. Well actually spiders are not insects. Wait he didn’t kill himself. BUKKAKE!, Also Matthew Sonntag and bugdick are awful things. Your already fighting it. Eww don’t jizz on that. Allow me to introduce everyone. Then it exploded. THEN LSD? Oh my god the fabulous. Don’t care. Still covered in jizz.

Review: Sadly I fear this anime will squander what little potential it has. It’s got the stand fighting monster society vibe, but the animation and service is good enough to warrant at least a watch. However the introduction of the final character and the fact that these kinds of series don’t set this kind of tone, and come out really good – which is sad. Oh sure I wish it could be Tenpou Ibun Atakashi Ayashi, but it’s just not likely, and I fear this will ultimately but watchable, but 3 seasons from now nobody will be talking about it.

Date Added: 04/11/13

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Name: Namiuchigiwa No Muromi-san

Subtitle: The “What happened to the days where fucken mermaids was priority?” anime

namiuchigiwa

Summary: Well eats some ragworms I guess. MUTHAFUCKEN BLOODS IN DA HOUSE. Majora’s mask?  BLOOD! Who needs bait you caught a mermaid. HAHAHAHAHAHHAA Starfish can’t do shit. RELEASE. Just not interested at all. THAT SEAGULL! HAHAHAHA. Does not care. Lolwut. CATS. Get in the water. YOU. WILL. DIE. Lol political. And then some other stuff. SHE WANTS THE D. WTF ROME?

Review: Alright guys – it sure as shit is not another Seto no Hanayome, hell it’s not even the same caliber of slapstick. The only thing I even liked was the random starfish joke. It’s worth a watch, but unlike something like Squid Girl where the jokes and premise seem strong, this feels rather weak, and likely to become boring.

Date Added: 04/10/13

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Name: Ore no Imouto Ga Konnani Kawaii Wake Ga Nai

Subtitle: The “As someone who has a little sister – kill this anime with fire” anime

orenoimouto

Summary: You regret this now, but then once boobs happen. Sigmund Freud is laughing at you. Short recap, because nothing really happened. Juice does not really make you fat.  Cause I want to bone you. LESBO’s. They keep saying Katawa Shoujo, which is not what I think it is. Lol wut a loser. Mistake. Fujoshi ruining everything. Don’t do the trope – good. I hate everything. The worst part is that anime’s LITERALLY do this shit. Looking at you Symphogear. AMAZON FTW!

Review: They summarized the last season in about 3 seconds – because let’s face it – this series was about nothing. They even try to undo the ‘work’ of the last season by having Kirino ignore the brother. But let’s put things into context. The game this was based off of has you get your sister pregnant. Not a step sister or some weird bullshit – there is a storyline in the game where you knock up your sister. I’ m not even reviewing anymore about this anime with some bullshit story and siscon bullshit, because FUCK. THAT. NOIZ. PERIOD. BECAUSE ACTUAL PUNCTUATION DOESN’T CUT IT AT THIS POINT.

Date Added: 04/08/13

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Name: Otona Joshi no Anime Time

Subtitle: The “I cook dinner so well I break out of anime” anime

otona

Summary: Wow that’s pretty limited. Fucken creepy Stockholm syndrome housewife. Lol lazy animators are just filming shit now. There’s a limit to what you can say is artsy. Great more time to be a submissive housewife. Lol what, oh how she met this guy – who then makes her into just someone to cook for him. Younger than me – totally a girl. I’m not a wife, not yet a girl. Something broke, psycho time. Lol this shit is so out of sequence. Oh so this is an affair basically. Bag of cats. Loves a man in uniform. I’M GLISTENING. Foreshadowing? That’s not true. You have sex with birds and cats? Baked like bread? Gotcha. DAT SAX! LOVESEAT. Wut? Is the sofa a metaphor?

Review: I almost don’t want to ruin the surprise that makes you realize what this anime is, but I fear most people (aka not retards like me) wouldn’t bother to watch the final credits. Because before a single sentence was uttered I was baffled by this. It made no sense to me, and the combination of anime and real-life imagery was fucking with my mind, because of what the story and characters were. This was the kind of shit you’d watch and be like WHAT THE SHIT did I just watch? Because it was nonsensical, the protagonist is frankly downright creepy, and the story goes nowhere, and the love situation is just fucken weird. But then like a beam of light the credits said (In English) that the title of this series is Adult Women Anime Time. Now while a lot of you just thought that meant sex, no it means Soap Operas – suddenly the anime makes all the sense in the world – and thankfully require no more thought given to it.

Date Added: 04/06/13

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Name: Photo Kano

Subtitle: The “This guy must be so dickless for random girls to be okay taking pics” anime

photokano

Summary: #1 COSPLAYER! You’ll suck my dick. YOU GOTTA WORK. And then harem of camwhores. 1000 degrees? They just keep getting bigger the clos- IT’S DOPPLER BOOBS. Except that camera is a hand-me-down. It’s just a Canon point and shoot. BUTTS. Actually first day makes sense. WHY CAN’T I CARRY ALL THESE ORANGES. GROSS. Uhh does that creep you out. THIS GUY. This guy will teach you all you need to know to be king creep. SO THAT’S WHAT THIS SHOW IS. Pretty impressive actually. Join the real club. Your choice is actual boobs or pictures of boobs. What a moron.

Review: This is about the most perfect example of the ‘you fucked up’ meme. Seriously this guy didn’t say he was perverted, and he didn’t want to take skeevy pictures, so he passes up the chance of an all-girls club to instead join a bunch of pervs to take pictures. Someone who already has a good standing with women decides to shatter his reputation, which honestly he could have done in the other club. This underlies a critical sour point in these kinds of anime, in that they just want to tell the story of a pervy club like this. They don’t care about actual interactions, or what characters would do, they’re faceless protagonist’s slaving away to a plot that they rightly don’t deserve.

Date Added: 04/11/13

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Name: RDG: Red Data Girl

Subtitle: The “Oh man the data is so red” anime

reddatagirl

Summary: SCENERY! Because cutting hair is how girls change. Omg it’s just hair. CG! Right in the face.I BREAK THEM TO HIDE MY LONELINESS. Of course she can’t do it, she’s a witch and her magic shit breaks all the technology. This isn’t video chat, I’m lain. Well you’re not here DAD! GET TO THE CHOPPA! Bitch he would fuck you sideways. Hair is spiritual power, well that explains the bug up peoples ass. There’s no reason to be that much of a douche guy. BLOOD! Did you beat him up? Confirmed then. SO you’ve always been a douchebag, no wonder your dad pushed you off a cliff.

Review: God it’s another magical/spirit girl who’s going to be surrounded by dudes, nothing will happen, there will be no really great scenes, fighting will be dumb, romance will be meh, and it will try to make the characters ‘grow’ but you already know how that will happen, and in all honesty you JUST DON’T CARE. This is one of the worst animes this season, I can tell because it’s not bad, but you just couldn’t care.

Date Added: 03/17/13

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Name: Shingeki no Kyojin (Attack on Titan)

Subtitle: The “Starring Liam Neeson – I wish” anime

shingeki

Summary: RELEASE THE KRAKEN! HEY! Spidermen? Just giant naked humans.. Time to wake up Chrono. Dude he’s like ten. Lol Dr. Jaeger. Why would you think that. Man they have seen some shit. An arm, a leg, a penis? Nope arm. Like giving back the arm is wrong on so many levels. Man not a good time to break down. Eat shit! Spoiler alert there’s giant monsters out there. JESUS THAT BITCH IS GONNA KILL YOU. HEY! Gonna eat your brains. BLOOD SPLATT! Fucken mega titan. Just not happening. The smiles are the best. And then he gave up. Taste like chicken!

Review: Listen okay this isn’t a good anime, but in this season it’s one of the better ones you’re going to get. I mean yes the whole titan thing is silly, and the spiderman ziplines seems rather obtuse. I mean honestly if we could invent ziplines like that, we could invent guns, and we have guns we can make bigger guns – so titans are not a real issue. But suspending that belief the anime promises to be all shounen-y/drama/visceral. So tune in, but if your of the mindset to only watch the 9’s and 10’s of anime – or even the 8’s than this isn’t for you.

Date Added: 04/09/13

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Name: Sparrow’s Hotel

Subtitle: The “Man I never get to see people drop kicked at hotels.” anime

sparrows

Summary: This isn’t the early 90’s they didn’t have shorts back then. FLYING KICK. Aka whack off to this. Super strong I guess. OH GOD. WHAT THE SHIT IS THAT. FIGHT.

Review: This felt like the start to an old 90’s anime where this main chick will eventually get dragged into something else and whacky and then stuff happens. However I know that’s not true and in reality it will simply rehash this episode plot in different forms over the course of the next few weeks.

Date Added: 04/10/13

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Name: Suisei no Gargantia

Subtitle: The “Get out of here RPG plots (unless your SMT)” anime

suisei

Summary: So Space Opera. Starship troopers, or Ender’s Game. Science babble. LOLOLOL. So it is a combo of those 2 things, meaning YEAH JAPAN GETS TO RUIN GOOD IDEAS. Boring. Yo disobey orders and kill it. Lol space snail. Falls into the wormhole, ends up in King Arthurs court, because why not. Listen you’re not Yoko stop trying. Actually that’s not that bad. Speaking Latin? Lol they dumb. You could be in any time, space, or even dimension.  Lol don’t take off the mask? NINJA. Tap DAT ASS. WELCOME TO EARTH! Punch. Wait how could Earth be the birthplace and people are still stuck on Earth.

Review: This has a lot of similarities to Kyojin – in that this anime isn’t going to be stellar, and unlike recent offerings like StarDriver it won’t be super-fun to watch. You basically know how it’s going to play out, and it’s not terribly compelling, but if your jonesing for a space opera mech show – than here you go.

Date Added: 04/09/13

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Name: To Aru Kagaku no Railgun S

Subtitle: The “BIRIBIRIBIRIBIRIBIRIBIRIBIRI” anime

railgun

Summary: Lol rapists. Lol nope.   Bored. Shit bitch. What. …. OH SHIT FUCKEN AK. Fricken hostage. SPIDER BIRI, SPIDER BIRI. Wave dashin’ And then people die, or not.

Review: This is not a short, but as you may have noticed the summary is rather short. What you don’t see here is me sighing a lot, and the overall mind racking boredom that was going on here. I liked Index, even the 2nd season, but having a 2nd season of a spinoff, of a character that you don’t care about, and the even worse group of friends around is just awful. Seriously in the Index universe if I was to have the top 5 least liked characters the cast of Railgun fits in there quite comfortably.

Date Added: 04/15/13

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Name: Yahari Ore No Seishun Love Come Wa Machigatteiru

Subtitle: The “This anime is a SNAFU” anime

yahari

Summary: Youth is a lie you go from baby to old, and nothing between. And then he shot up a school, except he got a harem – because OH FUCK YOU KNOW THIS. Okay just 2 bitches. Lol pretty sure you can’t just do that. Lol calling him spineless. Friend-zoned. Did he just literally growl at her.  What the shit? Yo I’m High Quality bitch. Whut. Wrestling? Lo he got your number. Lol bitch STFU. Virgin slut. GET TOLD! Mind games. #Girltalk Gross

Review: God another anime about friendless people forming a club, where the characters are mostly unlikeable, which surprise makes a lot of sense. I really don’t see this going much of anywhere, and that’s fine I guess. The shows not awful, and it’s not so derivative that it angers you. There’s just no spark, no sense of wanting to care, or just anything of real substance.

Date Added: 04/11/13

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Name: Yuyushiki

Subtitle: The “Dammit why can;t one of them be a robot” anime

yuyushiki

Summary: It’s a cat… They do do that. BREAK THE WALLS DOWN! BORED. Zero member’s club. FUCKEN INDUCTANCE. Maybe it’s a chubaracabra. GET DAT BOOBS. LICK ME! OH GOD. MOM!, fuck that teacher. STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN! Drippin that sauce. Lol keep callin her mom. LOl XP. Lol Jupiter. HURRRRRRRRRR. TA TA TA TA.

Review: If you – like me – are looking for a poor man’s Nichijou, this sadly barely even qualifies. There is a fine line between slice of life comedy, and comedy that’s slice of life. One is boring for all but a few moments, the other is often fantastic. Sadly this is on the wrong side of that line.

Date Added: 04/10/13

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Name: Zettai Bouei Leviathan

Subtitle: The “Japan continues to ruin cool names campaign” anime

zettai

Summary: Pointy ears, just because. Fire does not smash rocks, especially if you suck that much. That probably hurt. Fucken killin you. Goddamn water benders. Cheesecake, and lame scene.  BACKSTORY!  Yo that fairy can put away the bread. It is scales jesus. HAHAHA. This is really dumb, like seriously I keep zoning out because it’s so dumb. HURR NAMES.

Review: I just gave myself a headache trying to remember this series from last night because it was so dumb. I mean everything about it was just so awful. I know there’s derivative series out there which all seem the same, but those fall under 3 categories. The ones trying to be the same for money, the ones who think they’re not same but are wrong, and the ones where you know they just don’t care. This is passionless and dull, and I seriously feel for anyone involved in making it. Because I know they don’t love this project, that it was something made but that those making it were doing a job, not enjoying it.

Date Added: 04/10/13

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Not a bad season. With Titan we got a really good series to watch – and thankfully it’s more than a single 13 episode season. Hataraku looks like it’ll shape up into a good comedy, but I really hope the romance doesn’t get stupid. I’m still not sold on Devil Survivor, Gargantia, and Aku no Hana, but we’ll see.

 

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