Guys Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt is over, and to make matters worse in a way it isn’t. Regardless we stand here on the brink of a new era of anime, an era that frankly I don’t give a damn about. Sure we get Deadman Wonderland and Maria Holic 2 in the spring and yes I do have my guilty pleasure of an anime this season, but beyond that we’re just killing time till Spring.
Beelzebub: The “Modern day YuYu Hakusho/GTO” anime
Summary: And there’s the pompadour. And pissing. PIKA-BABY-CHU! Also baby wiener. Shark teeth, lol. MUSTACHE! lolwut. And he ran away. DAWWWW, and now it’s not. WUT. WUT. PIKA-BABY-CHU! WTFBOOM 120% Grade A Delinquents. ALL SOLD OUT Wacky sound effects? OK? Organ? Blonde on a dragon thing? The more fearful you are the more the baby likes you? TAKE IT! Derp face with shark teeth? King of the Pirates! I mean Demons. Just so busy he can’t kill humanity. Lol. OH FUCK SEPIRTOH SWORD FROM AN UMBRELLA? OGA KICK! And there’s the punch out chthulu moment. The baby. Is so not okay with that. Activate Demon Father Powers! I WILL KILL EVERYONE WITH THIS BABY RATTLE!
Review: I’ve read the manga for this and it’s been a blast it’s over the top and hilariously funny, and I’m excited to see animated versions of the fight scenes. What I’m glad for is that it looks like they’re keeping in the ridiculous, which is one of the main selling points of this anime. I honestly recommend this to everyone and beside my romance I’d hands down say this is my pick of the season
Cardfight Vanguard: The “Card games are still cool right? Please?” anime
Summary: I anticipate me quitting this in about 5 minutes. This is like watching yu-gi-oh when you haven’t even played the game, and it’s also not the 90′s anymore. Nope you know what I just finished the opening and I’m done. I’m sorry but you’re a few years too late to make me even consider this for the lulz. While typing the anime went on for a little and you know what. definitely nope.
Review: Card animes are dead and someone didn’t tell these people. No I didn’t watch it all the way through and honestly if you wish to comment about great of a series this actually is I’ll congratulate you on enjoying your time speaking Latin.
Dragon Crisis: The “Besides Dragonball no anime with dragon in the title has ever worked” anime
Summary: Yes you will die. And nothing happens. Oh wait there’s an intro now. Oh damn a harem anime, with people that go sprout dragon wings from their back. Okay wut is this music. And there’s the pervy best friend and meek girl who’s in love with protagonist. Boring. And there’s the tits face hug. You have a cane, ahh a magic cane, from a dead magician. Uhh they have guns? Holy shit butterfly attack? Yes he shot at you with a gun. Oh man time to find out what’s in the case, and it’s a girl. OHH FUCK its Kugimiya isn’t it. JESUS SHIT THAT’S CREEPY. Why would he know? Careful she bites. So Kugimiya in a bid to be a different character is playing a loli who instead of saying Yuuji, says Ryuji. And now she’s naked. Wait the guy was called Ryuji in Toradora too, so yeah. There are some missing tsundere qualities, but I’m sure those will develop. Hurr. And then a helicopter shows up, thus ending this show. This ending animation angers me greatly. AND KILLED BY A DISCO BALL.
Review: It’s Sekirei but replace mystery powers with dragon and magic and make the main love interest a loli Kugimiya. Yeah that does sound worse than Sekirei which was already shit. Let’s face as we discovered if you have dragon in the title there’s a 99% chance your anime will be awful.
Fractale: The “Great artists steal – Banksy” anime
Summary: SKY! Holy shit its aliens! Wait they live in different places maybe they’re communication robots? Nope shits just weird here. Ahh data drug, so this is the cyber world. Oh so fractale is the matrix. ALWAYS PRAY! Nausicaa? I see so Funi was like hey let’s make a series that’s miyazaki but instead of fantasy which would be a ripoff lets make it scifi. No she can’t fly, she just jumped off and soon she’ll be dead. Oh hey kaleidoscope opening. I told you she dead. Ahh she’s alive. And he brings her home. His parents are doppelgangers? Holy crap that’s pretty quick for a stripper even. And now she’s naked. And she fell asleep on you topless. Their real entities? She’s pretty goddamn serious about that smile. Okay? This bitch is nuts. Hi team rocket. Wow. And they finally decide to bust in. Sanitize him! Team Rocket’s blasting off again! So she’s a time traveler? Lose a girlfriend gain an amulet. It summoned another girl? Okay…
Review: This legitimately feels pretty good but then again so did Castle in the Sky, and Nausicaa, while there is a bit of sci-fi and itching of Noein this feels like a Miyazaki film in an anime form so far. Whether it keeps that going is beyond me but I hope so. While it does feel a bit derivative it might just become the sleeper hit of this season so yeah watch Fractale.
Freezing!: The “Claymore with aliens and nipples” anime
Summary: Tits. Rain. Butt. Side Boob w/ Nipple. Transformation Sequence. Opening. Eva Screens. Transformation Sequence. Crystal Wings. Screenshot w/ Piano. Rain. Fight Scenes. Ripped Clothes. Blood. Arrow. Chain of Death. Camera. Just a lot of chicks beating on one another. She’s surrounded. DEATH! The Untouchable Queen! Explaining the Science so we all get it. Story time! Dead people saved the world. Who lands on a cemetery. Wtf with glasses she becomes Yomiko. Wow the stupidest throwaway excuse for pairing chicks with younger boys. Holy shit there goes her leg. And your arm. Yeah you killed him, but he activated his trap nuke. You suck. Brutal. Ignored. Nipples? So much for Bill 158 Well you’re delusional. And you’re tsundere. Blood? And you just end it? Hamburger?
Review: This oddly feels like Strike Witches – lolis + Dash of Deadman Wonderland + Claymore which is a weird formula but it seems to be a good anime. Again this is one of those situations where I’m knee deep in the manga already and can attest that this series is pretty good. However I don’t remember nipples in the manga so it may very well be that the fanservice is going to be upped which may not end well. Give it a shot and see if you like it though.
GoSick: The “HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ENGRISH PUNS MUST DIE” anime
Summary: Kill da wabbit, kill da wabbit. (By opening) So a show about a 300 year old loli and her subordinate, throw in some tsundereness and some enemies to fight that are supernatural, give it some Victorian themes it ends with them having defeated some major evil and their relationship moves all of 2 steps forward. Well this is going to suck. He’s the dark reaper? Make 100 friends and climb the alps? Gold from dead man’s intestines? Climb library tower! Oh hey a garden. You know as far as I knew if you didn’t attend class they just kind of kick you out. Rolling? Ahh man there was an elevator don’t you feel bad. WHAT THE FUCK. THAT HAIR. Cool story bro. Also nice pipe. And it’s detective-esque. Bored rolling time! DANCE! Bored again. Is that supposed to be cute? Poke. Poke. Whistling its how you get taxis. And there’s the pipe. Okay…
Review: I found this anime to be meh until DJ Lvl pointed out the pun in the title. I want nothing to do with this anime and the fact that it exists angers me severely.
Haiyoru Nyaruani Remember My Love(craft sensei): The “Nothing is sacred” anime
Summary: This is a flash anime? Oh so everything is done in flash. WUT. WUT. Okay… you know what I’m gonna call it, this is the best anime of the season. 70 DAYS UNTIL MANKINDS EXTINCTION. Okay regular opening. Wait wut fire? I don’t even know what to make of this. That fork. Live action w/ cg? Oh it’s only 4 minutes long. RIGHT. Moving on then
Review: I gotta say this while this is most definitely a horrible thing that has been created it oddly intrigues me and I’ll continue to watch it. Much like a train wreck though I would never recommend walking into one so yeah avoid this flash-thing…
Hourou Musuko: The “Unlike Kampfer we’re serious about crossgender stuff” anime
Summary: What are little girls made of? Well sugar spice and everything nice obviously. They all have light spots on their heads. Also the shoujo filter is so offensive You head gets itchy when you think. Is it a boy or a girl who knows. DESTROYED! Short skirts are classy you take that back. So she just cross dresses. What secret? Lol they figured it out. Wait she’s a cross dresser, and she is too but she’s not honest and obvious about it? Alright I’m a little lost. I have no idea who is what sex anymore. Bunch of stuff. Seriously this is the first episode and I’ve lost track of whose cross-dressing who’s what gender I mean seriously middle school kids in my day were normal. And you walked in on him. And you just ran outside in a skirt. Cry like the baby you are. Oh hey I know this song it’s the one at the end of ocean’s eleven. (Clair de lune). Boring. Eureka! Lol thank you for putting that in because I doubt this show is aware of powerpuff girls.
Review: By the end of the episode I was so confused about this series characters genders that I considered the point moot. It’s about middle school students who enjoy crossdressing. I can see the serious way they’re going about this (think not Kampfer or Ranma or hell Maria Holic) but the overabundance of shoujo filtering and themes means this will most likely win the award for boring-ist anime of the season and I wouldn’t recommend it.
Infinite Stratos: The “It’s like Shaw Tucker chimera’d me together” anime
Summary: Mechs fighting like an eagles making love. Ahh man it’s like 6 v 1 and you’re still losing. So I’m getting a very Dragonaut vibe here. That is not okay. So by the opening this is (Strike Witches + Dragonaut) * Harem. Silence… And you’re the one guy in a classroom of females. Like how do the writers think this is a believable idea? And they’re all lesbians for the teacher. It’s an academy to teach people to use these mechs which are now only allowed for sport? Ahh I see is the only male who can pilot one, how oddly convenient. God this is going to be terrible. Yeah who reads newspapers. My gawd just say it you’re obviously hot for him. And he’s an idiot. And here’s the pompy bitch from England whose probably royalty, DAMMIT, I hate being right. I hate everything. And he rooms with his childhood friend, how lovely. Wtf she goes straight to the sword. Wtf cat pajamas? BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBORED Just all of this can go die. Oh thank god it’s over.
Review: Honestly this is the bastard child of all the animes that have been generic from the past 5 years. It is like doing a poorly executed parody of a terrible done parody of something actually mildly funny. We hope to eventually document out the generime drinking game where you drink for every anime generic theme and once posted to get drunk simply watch this anime. Normally a generic anime isn’t necessarily “bad” but this one is so generic it’s the worst.
Kimi ni Todoke S2: The “Fuck off I can watch and enjoy romance you bitches” anime
Summary: Note this an ep 00 so I expect a recap ep. Well that’s odd, it would appear I have a vagina right now. He can sense crying girls. Odd how they focus on conniving bitch for the episode. BUBBLES. D-D-D-D-D-D-DAWWWWWWWWW. You evil bitch. Flowers. And Kazuya’s like FUCK THAT NOISE, she’s mine. And you lose. Bitch. TAKE IT. And there’s dark Kurumi. Death Note! So much recap. Awwwwwww. SO DENSE. So much misunderstandings that they try to fix aka the whole last series. DAW. And rejected. Lol. And shoujo ending song + animation. So yeah recap not worth watching this but let’s face it if you enjoy good shoujo romance or the first season this is da best.
Review: I’m biased, I don’t care, and if you enjoy shoujo romance go watch the first season of this and watch this season’s continuation. I really enjoy good romance and that’s all this is.
Kore wa Zombie desu ka: The “Equal parts disturbing, random, and funny” anime
Summary: He’s a zombie! False alarm. HOLY SHIT HE’S SUPERMAN, NOPE HE’S JUST GONNA GET HIT. HOLY FUCK HE IS A ZOMBIE! Look at him fly, and there goes his clothes. CHAINSAW! I’m not entirely sure where this series is going with this. She doesn’t care if you got hit by a truck she wants dinner. Ya bitch. And he has cute vision. FUCKING TAKE IT! So she’s a necromancer? Fuck man you got stabbed. Lol he feels at peace in a graveyard. OH FUCK bitch has got a chainsaw and you’re a zombie. Best GTFO. Giant bear demon? Lose points? And chainsaw right through the guy and the bear. Wait you thought he was human and you were going to saw right through him? And she’s naked now? And she followed you home. Oh fuck it’s the serial killer. GAIA? wtf? He dries out? Lol that’s his issue not that he’s a zombie but that he lives with 2 chicks. Gross. He’s afraid of getting raped lol? OH FUCK IT’S A FUCKEN LOBSTER GET IN THE CAR! Some mahou transformation scene later. Nope too bad you’re naked. Ahh man some repressed memories… That’s not how it works… lolwahtever OH FUCK YOUR ARM! Wait he can transform too? Please don’t make him wear the outfit…. Ohmygod this is worst and the best. AND THIS IS THE LONGEST PANTY SHOT I DON’T WANT OF ALL TIME. Lolololololololololol YEAH YOU JUST DRINK YOUR TEA. Ghey. Blood! FLOWER IN YOUR BUTT!
Review: This is a weird one, literally. The concept isn’t that out there and some of the jokes hopefully don’t get overly recycled but this is defiently a bizarre kind of series. I mean normally I would never recommend an anime that has a naked loli and a panty shot of a dude in a mahout shoujo outfit and yet here I am. Zombie is totally worth a watch and along with Beelzebub should help make this season a laugh.
Level E: The “Severally lacking in Will Smith” anime
Summary: The eyes of mars, the eyes of mars. Oh shit MiB? Ahh he’s walking to the left, not running. And there’s naked man chest. SIT DOWN. That parrot is following you STARE….. Well that’s just rude. Ahh he’s an alien. I said GTFO!! TOUCH OF GOD! And you just killed all of them. Or not. WUT THE FUCK IT THIS. Ahah and now you have no blackmail. And there’s the guilt trip. FUCKEN CAR’D. And now he’s glowing/healing/making the tree grow leaves? Daw cat licking itself And there’s the FBI. He’s a murderer! Nope not really. Ghey. DEAR GOD HE’S A MONSTER. COW ABDUCTIONS!
Review: This isn’t generic, and it’s doing nothing wrong, and yet I can’t help but really just not like this series. I can’t put my finger on it and for that I apologize but this anime just isn’t any good and not worth watching in my opinion. Feel free to watch, and I will keep watching in the hope that feeling goes away but sadly I’m usually right when it comes to these kinds of instincts.
Mitsudomoe S2: The “Power rangers stop being a joke when it’s the whole episode” anime
Summary: This better not be the regular opening. Okay enough of the fake power rangers that the show established last season if I wanted this I would watch Cardfight Vanguard Why is this still going on… Man this crab is really murdering a lot of kids. (Okay so here’s the deal, I was not watching all of that power ranger shit. I watched the first series of this and it was mildly funny kinda like Minami-ke. As such I skipped over that part entirely. In fact if you have plans to watch this show I would suggest skipping the first episode). Yes they were all idiots. Some belly fat grabbing. And over.
Review: I liked the first season of this, it was kind of like Minami-ke which was a great little comedy. This one is a little more racy in its jokes but I can’t judge this season from this episode. They decided as I mentioned to do a power ranger parody episode (for a first episode of a new season) which is a choice I’m not happy about. I hope they get back to the comedy goodness that they had but from that decision I can’t recommend this series yet.
Onii-chan no Koto nanka Zenzen Suki Janain Dakara ne!!: The “Seriously Kiss x Sis wasn’t enough we need more incest” anime
Summary: Oh great incest, like right from the start. I hate anime. Please take the moral high ground. Nope you’re a pervert. When did incest become okay? Like was there a memo that they sent out? Dear Staff, enjoy snogging your brothers and sisters its fine now. Sincerely Management. And she wants it to happen. Okay that’s it I quit this anime. I’m not even thinking of reviewing it. I’m sorry things like OreImo had sister implications but not really this just says nah incest is the endgame for this anime. I can’t take it anymore. I’m out.
Review: Damn this anime. Damn anyone who enjoys watching it. Damn the people responsible for making this. Damn everyone.
Puella Magi Madoka Magica: The “Hidamari characters get attacked by Sayonara effects” anime
Summary: Oh man shaft, CHECKERS. Lol Hidamari faces. SHIT you’re on a tree. Alright now I’m confused. Eat building. Okay… Destiny cat? And there’s the become a magical girl line; let me guess it was a dream… not. Also I bet she has a normal life only to have something interrupt it and be like oh hey from the dream. Please don’t do that. Super happy intro with depressing anime? Please? OK no need for loli lesbians. Ah running to the left. Like this is the most standard shaft intro ever, like wtf did the guy who made shaft intros die? EPIC WAKING UP. Numbered make-up? Oh shit secret fan boys? Okay that intro was shinbo, but from the opening song till now it’s not really shaft like. Glass classrooms? Please have fight scenes all over this. Nope they did the dream thing. booo. Class nurse, what’s that? FIGHT! DO IT. Okay? There better be fight scenes incoming because this isn’t shaft, it’s just normal with some slightly different art. Time and Space, cue Doctor Who. Here’s the cat again. You’re hear voices, must be going crazy. KILL HER STEAM! OH SHUT BUTTERFLYS. Ok they do get attacked by the Sayonara intro. Ok here’s where the shaft budget was spent. COTTONBALL MUSTACHE MONSTERS. Ok this is, I don’t even. Sorry shaft you’re not PSG transformation sequences. Persona hour over. And ending?
Review: 75% Boring as shit 25% Shaft and awesome. That is not a good percentage to be at. Here’s to hoping it shifts the other way but again this shows me like Soredemo that the term Shaft can do no evil isn’t true (yeah Lee we all know Negima proved this but get off your boner for saying that) Seriously though I’m disappointed in this from the first episode, however I get Maria Holic 2 next season and Katteni Kaizo just got green-lit for an anime by Shaft so honestly I don’t give a damn.
Rio Rainbow Gate: The “Big steaming pile of…” shit
Summary: That ferret is providing fanservice. Nice hat and mustache dood. You know you could just land the boat next to the metal thing. BORED. Ha take that kid you just got trampled. Follow the ferret! You know you would think that a chick who gives people good luck in a casino would be banned. BORED. And here’s the gang. ATTACK MAID. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR EYES DEMONS ARE SCARIER. You’re measuring her… She has a transformation sequence…. Seriously if this chick causes people to win, she’d be fired. Wow, will you marry me? How will we pay? That’s how you react? This show is really dumb, like seriously I feel like I’m less of a person for watching this. You accept her being naked. Wedding dress, really, really? That is the dumbest thing ever. Wow. wouldn’t they just I don’t know throw this guy out? WUT. I am angered by this so much. That’s why he wanted it.
Review: This anime wants to exist so it can shit on your kids. It sucks so much on every level that I don’t even want to write more about it.
Wolverine: The “Can’t we just not give Japan our comics and animate them ourselves please?” anime
Summary: I got some flak for not actually reviewing last season’s Iron Man so to apologize I will review Wolverine under the pretext that it doesn’t anger me. Really… And then you got shot 90 thousand times. This seems really really dumb. Oh man invisibility suits, with force fields and sound blasters. Talk about being op. All ruined by a can of beer? It doesn’t work like that. Okay first off no, that can could not have gone that far up. Also no engrish please? Oh man your true love is the daughter of a giant mob boss. Wait the criminal organizations of the world bought an island to be their own sovereign nation? Wouldn’t the UN be like uhhh guys? I mean it’s the Hall of Evil for chrissakes. Some breaking into Yakuza territory. OKAY stop remembering her every time her name is hinted at. Smile locked in a closet? Really? Supersonic speed? I doubt that. Really you tranq him? How fair. And over.
Review: This anime didn’t need to exist, it could have stayed as a terrible American movie based off one character from a meh comic, and yet it exists. This anime didn’t need to exist.
Yumekui Merry: The “Paprika was the best dream of all time, of ALL TIME!” anime
Summary: No don’t eat that dead chick you bastard crows. She can fly? Why does she have .hack fact tattoos? Did that cat just give the peace sign? DINOSAUR BONES! Or there dinosaur fish? Is he fighting cats w/ swords. Right… The boss of the cats? Okay that guy should just die, that’s not even faggotry you’re just the worst. Black and white vision? WUT. He can see colors that represent dreams? That’s interesting… Eat lots of food? What a bizarre thing for a teacher to say. Okay you are just a weird dude… Butt in your face. Damn birds indeed. Yo that hat is super important. Daw kitty. WHOA HOLY SHIT. A guillotine saw? HOW BADASS. And you’re in the dream too well considering weirdness that was obvious. Merry Nightmare… that’s not a name. Okay digging these fight scenes. You break the mask and underneath is a … damn they don’t say. Well that was cryptic. (Eminem voice) Now it’s back to reality. Some crying and fainting. Okay… Rose petals? How odd rose petals cover her body, but she’s clothed.
Review: I’m honestly excited for this anime, I like what they were doing with the whole dream type thing and if they can make that Paprika class awesome and keep up the quality of fight scenes than this very well could become a damn good anime. However there’s a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that they’re going to start botching everything up. Let’s hope that nagging feeling dies because I’d really like for another good solid series this season.
So all in all, if you have testicles and enjoy comedy Beelzebub, like Miyazaki? Fractale, Enjoy Blood, Tits, and Nipples? Freezing. Have a vagina? Kimi ni Todoke 2. Shaft boner? Puella Magica. Optimist? Yumekui Merry. Enjoy a giant lobster fighting a mahou shoujo guy zombie? Kore wa Zombie desu ka. That’s really all there is to it.