Holy crap 40+ series (granted there’s a few that I don’t consider as a real series – looking at you Train Hero), but that’s quite a lot of anime. Now as the purveyor of animu, I’m accustomed to watching everything – the good, the bad, and the mediocre, but not this season. Between a new job, moving, and a backlog of video games I’m going to have to tighten the anime belt as it were. What does this mean for you the reader? It means expect harsher reviews than you had thought possible – gone are the days where I’d give something a meh pass – sit down kids, this is time for No Items, Fox Only, Final Destination.

springanimeseason

So far the season looks promising, I say this meaning full well that 2 of my well-liked mangas are getting some anime treatment (Tasogare and Kanojo X), but a few others look promising. Then again Sunrise is doing some meh things, Gainax is making a shite anime, Bones is doing some more Eureka Seven moneymaking, and there’s a lack of Shaft – which after Nisemonogatari’s AMAZING series (although anti-climatic ending much?) is very disappointing.

Granted I see maybe 5 things that look good, and the rest will be mostly shit. This leads me to a problem – do I just watch the 5 good series like everyone else, or try and handle the 30+ mediocre? I mean tbh I have no idea where to draw that line. In the end though I’ll still have Fairy Tail so everything’s okay.

No real changes to the format this season. So like previous seasons I won’t keep you waiting three weeks to get your reviews, and be updating daily filling in new shows. I’ll have a list at the bottom of shows not aired, and check back every couple of days to see what my opinion/ADHD summary is. (Note: Once again all images from MyAnimeList.net). Updates in Bold.

 

Also since chartfag is down forever and his anime season charts are harder to find I’ll include them here. [Spring Chart]

===============================================

Name: Accel World

Subtitle: The “If I had access to virtual reality I would be a BuffaloDragon” anime

accelworld

Summary: And the protagonist is a 3 foot blob? What person who’s fat would play as a pig in an online game like this? Squash? Even pigs have pride. Jerk. I’m mysterious. Okay? It blows your brain up. Okay? SO I can stop time basically – it’s the matrix. Guess she’s into fat dudes. Oh it’s 2 eps. Also GIGA UNLUCKY. So it’s a fighting game. Lol a fighting game where if you win you can get perfect grades and win the lotto. Whole lotta angst. Whut. Whut. Headbutts are special moves! NO MY PAL! And runover. Lol he just picked the bike up. Oh?

Review: This anime wants so hard to be a non-standard title, and you can sort of sense it. It fails miserably of course, but you get the sense that the people behind it really thought they were on to something. In actuality you just don’t care about the main character because he establishes himself as a shut-in jerk, the tropes of tsundere and rich/powerful women ordering a lower class man are abound, and the overall mechanic of the fights is just kinda dumb.

Date Added: 04/04/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Acchi Kochi

Subtitle: The “You know what fuck wannabee Nichijou’s go watch some Zetsubou and learn to class it up” anime

acchi

Summary: HOLY SHIT I WOULD NOT HAVE GUESSED THAT STATUE WAS A CAT. Why is the ticker in English? And you want his dick. Then it’s one of these openings. You can see his imagination? And she breaks her neck. Then you get slashed by a sword. The French are typically perverts. Yo he’s got skills. OH yeah breathe real deep. Bleh. That is not fancy. Super air hockey, why are they carmaldancing?

Review: There is not a single thing in this anime that I can consider a redeeming quality. There’s not a single plot point, character, conversation, joke, animation, scene, anything that is something I could say makes this worth watching. I know I’m cynical and jaded especially about things that don’t break new ground, but even things that are generanime 2012 at least have something that they try to imagine is a core difference that makes them “special”. This lacks any sense of that in spades.

Date Added: 04/07/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: AKB0048

Subtitle: The “http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulIOrQasR18” anime

akb0048

Summary: Are they chibi or kids? Because the answer will decide if I kill the creators slowly or quickly. That’s a lot of people for an illegal event. DAT CG. I just took a swig from the bottle – it’s not helping. God please let a cop bust in and shoot all of these people. AND SHOEHORNED MECHS. KILL THEM! Dammit the police are not the bad guys. And then everyone got arrested. Oh great Interplanetary Idol. Great they worship demons. No one cares how you feel you are a stupid insignificant kid. ROMANCE. And then she makes a decision to throw away her life just to appear in the first round. THAT WOULD HAVE CRUSHED HER.

Review: Wow Japan you think the world will become post-apoc by banning idols? God seriously is this how men over there think? I mean sure we get people who like pop music stars and Hollywood types but not this level of devoutness. You know I think it’s the heart symbol in their hair and eyes that pisses me off. No wait it’s everything.

Date Added: 4/30/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Eureka Seven

Subtitle: The “Man I liked the slothcat from the first series, why make it realistic?” anime

eureka

Summary: PIGEONS! 3 Dimensions of travel, still traffic. Asthma. Spirit power? Imma sloth. Really he blames the kid? It’s a MacGuffin. Mysterious… ATOM BOMB OF FABULOUS! Giant mushrooms? It has a hand? Oh it must be the mech. Why are you not hovering in your hover car? Baddass Grandpa Foood tent? Another one? Shi- they’re everywhere. Power rangers. Damn now they start killing some people. Uranium that’s why it glows. CHOMP. Wait that’s it, really lackluster first ep.

Review: I won’t lie to you – if this series wasn’t coming off the original Eureka Seven I’m not even sure if it watch more than 3 episodes. This really was a lackluster first episode – and sure I know series that have had great first eps only to become awful shit, and vice versa, but with this level of production you expect better. I mean when someone says first impressions are important – it’s not a lie, and at first glance there’s nothing really excitable here. I mean think of it this way – it’s a mech anime and in the first episode – you don’t see any real mechs. Sure the next episode preview is littered with them, but first episodes need to set the tone.

Date Added: 4/14/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Fate/Zero S2

Subtitle: The “Back in my day King Arthur was a dude not a japanese high schooler” anime

fatezzzzzzzzzzzzz

Summary: And now we come to anime so boring I actually fell asleep watching it, and I don’t mean just slow – I like slow animes with good buildup. This was just so BORING. Well then good to see they couldn’t even end it in 13 eps. Whatever, you’re a self entitled douchebag. Just carpet bomb the giant squid already. Nope still boring. I fail to see why you find that bad – to be honest it’s actually a lot nicer in the long run. THE BEES. Someone finally killed the crazy dude. BOOM HEADSHOT!

Review: Okay so I can see they finally got into fight scenes and stuff, but I watched all of 5 episodes of this before I could not take it anymore. Now I am a patient man, but when I know how your first series turned out (Which btw Fate/Stay Night was not god’s gift to mankind as the hype would have you believe) you gave me so little to go on that I’m glad I quit. And from this second season – I see no reason to go back.

Date Added: 04/09/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Gakkatsu

Subtitle: The “I think I built a 3d puzzle in my homeroom..” anime

gakkatsu

Summary: Usually it’s a lymph node. It’s a wrist… Lol ripped from FMA. Rejected. Lol just got doctored. Ulnar Styloid Process? Whut. Lol it needs a sexier name. Agreed fuck liberal arts.

Review: This sucks, it’s short, and it still sucks. It basically takes what would be a joke in something like Nichijou but does an awful 5 min flash thing out of it. I wish I could be more informative, but seriously if you’re considering this remember: Don’t.

Date Added: 04/05/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Ginga e Kickoff

Subtitle: The “I worked long and hard on my review of this.” anime

ginga

Summary: Fuck Soccer. Disbanded, too bad he’ll get the players and win the finals. She’s got moves on that dog. I’m so drunk. You must defeat my dog. Yo just sign the dog up for soccer. That drunk can kick and throw. FOCUS! That is because you’re loud and annoying. You are hitting on here. Busted. That purple pot is fabulous. PUNCH HIM! Girls can’t play football. Now he goes super soccer player. HE’S GOT THE CRAZY EYES. GGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!! If there is a god of soccer than smite me. YO he got dem digits, smooth move bro.

Review: I’d rather watch this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-E6ljLSOkbY

Date Added: 4/13/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Haiyore! Nyaruko-san

Subtitle: The “You are literally just dragging a whole series through shit” anime

haiyoru

Summary: IT’S A DEMON! BLOOD! Kill me. WOULD YOU SHUTUP. D&D References? Really? That’s how you’re going to explain this away – you decide to just turn the whole mythos into aliens. WHY NOT JUST MAKE THEM FUCKEN ALIENS FROM THE ONSET? NO YOU STABBED HER IT IS NOT A BOO-BOO. FUCK IT JUST DISAPPEARED. AND now I want your dick. Right in the nuts. He did just call her a bitch. HOW DO YOU KNOT KNOW SHE MADE THIS? It’s cat. It’s a pokeball. This anime thinks crowbars > dragons. Of course more cliché’s.

Review: This is the giant finger of the anime industry to western literature. To be fair the DBZ live action and possible Akira are just as bad.

Date Added: 04/10/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Hiiro no Kakera

Subtitle: The “She wants their dicks to fend off the ghosts…” anime

hiiro

Summary: You’re not anime. I’m not expecting this, I’m expecting gay buttsex. Ah token female. You think? You are 3 days away from being on the news as dead body found. Here comes the monsters? WHAT it’s a stick figure? It talks it has no mouth. GHOSTS. You’re just saying words. Pretty sure you just signed a contract with him. Why would you even say that you obv. want his dick. CLOSEUP OF OLD FACE. Don’t worry about it, I’m just deciding your life for you. That is pretty damn adorable. It’s a ceiling cat, holy shit. That’s not a special talent – that’s narcolepsy. And by partners, they mean “partners.” For the next 30 mins I can solve all your problems – with my penis.

Review: This is a series for girls, and I say that in the same way I’d say Queen’s Blade is for guys. In that they both target a specific audience but overall they still really suck. Sure yes it’s not fanservice men all over the place, but still I feel like I’m trapped in a remake of fruits basket with ghosts.

Date Added: 04/04/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Hyouka

Subtitle: The “This anime is shopped – I can see the pixels, and I’ve seen some shops in my time.” anime

hyouka

Summary: No the idea – goddammit not another one come through.  Classics? And by private space, he means fuckpad. And someone’s in there – even though he needs a key…and called it. HA YOU BLINKED FIRST – wait is that racist? You’re stealing fx from amv’s now? CHITANDA! That’s normal for chicks. Lol good luck. Had to ruin it. So a security guard locks doors, big whoop? Whut-. Oh 3 minutes wow. So it was a guard – there we go. Sherlock Holmes this is not. Kiss my hand. So you hit the photoshop watercolor filter? So it was the same person. Okay… Ahhh, it was a plant.

Review: I don’t get it, this anime is honestly very pretty – and then they just randomly add photoshop filters and frankly lazy looking animation – and I don’t mean simplistic. I mean things like the opening that look like they belong in an amv. Take the content into consideration as being quite lacking then the show really depends on being very very pretty – which it is – between the artsy bits which seem contrived. I won’t even go into the boring story, and the fact that this anime tropes all over the place – I wasn’t expecting that. Yet I was still disappointed.

Date Added: 4/24/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Jormungand

Subtitle: The “I wonder if child soldiers violate child labor laws?” anime

snake-snake-SNAKE

Summary: LENS FLARE! Snake welcome to Shadow Moses. In the year 2028 Mankind blew up the moon. Okay you are too androgynous. A merc anime – okay I’ll bite. Can’t be worse than Canaan. FUCKEN LAIN COMMERCIALS FUCK YES, also Derpy Box. Okay she’s female. Oh man it’ll be like Ocean’s Nine. Knife’d. BOOM HEADSHOT. Guns = World Peace. Derpy box is back. Zombie time. Whut. Lesbians. And you got your ass kicked. Bam now you’re dead. Lol he can’t cook.

Review: This actually is kinda like Ocean’s Eleven except instead of robbing things they just kill a lot of PMC’s. I don’t know how I feel about this anime, I mean I’m typically a fan of mercs and gun animes, but after Canaan and Requiem for a Phantom I just can’t trust myself. I hope and I mean seriously hope that this could be the next Black Lagoon, but to be honest I just don’t see that happening.

Date Added: 4/13/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Kore wa Zombie Desu ka? OF THE DEAD

Subtitle: The “I once had to explain this anime, and it didn’t go well” anime

korewazombie

Summary: This dyson fan moves air around, but with no buffeting. Shit I totally forgot I was a zombie. Like you in a dress? Lol she’s drunk…. He does have a point, since when are hallucinations awesome? WHY IS EVERYONE OKAY WITH THAT CHAINSAW GOING ON BY ITSELF? Pretty sure if the sun murdered me, I’d ask for another seat. Eggology, taught by a Mr. Dr. Robotnik. Nope just looking for more booze. I’ve actually vomited rainbows once. Oh god he’s crazy. Hahahaha. Ghey. Double ghey. Triple ghey. Quad ghey. Penta Ghey. 1000% Cuter. She is into DAT ASS.

Review: This is still oddly enjoyable due to the eccentrics that are going on, but as a series I can’t in good faith recommend it to others. Mostly because I see no way of explaining what it is or why it’s good without sounding like a very weird weird person. Maybe though that’s what this has, I mean sure it’s not Paprika or Trapeze level of weird, but it is certainly bizarre.

Date Added: 04/05/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Kuroko no Basketball

Subtitle: The “Why haven’t they made a Shaq anime yet” anime

gayballs

Summary: 100 Members but there’s only 6 good people? Why would you even stay in that club. I keep in shape by eating all these hamburgers. There’s the token female. I’m tall and therefore perfect. So it’s not even an all boys skill but the ratio is bad. Oh yeah I look back to make sure you think I’m a dbag. So is this a sequel? Seriously that’s how you’re doing it. A ghost person! Mano e mano – just the way the fangirls want it. Yhup totally learned from America. Then just some basketball.

Review: Honestly I’d start a drinking game of spot the non-bishounen, but I’d be far far too sober to enjoy this show. I swear though the amount they go to make this fangirl bait is absurd. I mean what happened to the days when you could have a sports anime where you’d don’t have to hear the words “take your shirt off” – oh wait it was called Cross Game. Oh well I suppose if dudes get Queen’s Blade gotta tailor things to the other sex.

Date Added: 04/09/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Kimi to Boku 2

Subtitle: The “I really should just have a disclaimer at the top – No sequels to things I’ve rejected already” anime

gayboys

Summary: Yeah, nope I still don’t get why this show exists. Not funny, not a great slice of life, and no fanservice for either sex.

Review: Didn’t watch because it was just like the first one (5 mins in), in that I still have no idea why anyone would watch this. I mean at least things like A Channel you have lolifags getting all huffy about it, but seriously what the fuck does this market too? I mean sure you can do the 4 boys slice of life thing, but you do it like Daily Lives of High School boys in which you know – it’s funny, it’s something you can relate too, and it’s not mind numbingly boring.

Date Added: 04/04/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Kuromajyo-san ga Touru!!

Subtitle: The “If you’re not casting blood magic, or african – how are you a black witch?” anime

kuro

Summary: I have no idea which gender these things are. You can summon cupid? Wait cupid is beetlejuice? It’s like forensics, except with voodoo. It is well known that ghosts go after the cute ones. So the teacher is a douchebag. HIEL HITLER! GHOST HITLER! You dead.

Review: Like I said Shugo Chara, this time in some 7 minute bite size format. Honestly a lot of series are mediocre, but this is about as fluff as fluff gets – sorry Kobato.

Date Added: 04/05/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Lupin the Third: Mine Fujiko to Iu Onna

Subtitle: The “Guys I didn’t even know I wanted this, but I really do.” anime

lupin

Summary: Nipples EVERYWHERE. OWL! You stole that from Bebop. Lesbians sweet. Aww yeah. I am digging this art. GUYS THE FEATHERS IS COCAINE! And then he eats the poison. HAHAHAHA. Then LSD. Hahaha. SO good. Alright not bad at all. Nice played for a fool. Damn she’s good. And neither of them are hurt. Lolololol. Nice. Nothing spanking a woman won’t solve. Now she’s a redhead. It’s because I have less teeth than most people. And Checkmate. My god the foreplay. There he is. LELOUCH? Shit the police have Geass, you’re boned Lupin. That’s class. Then some more tits. The gambits, they are just piling up. Classy as FUCK.

Review: Honestly I know that 2 of my favorite manga are getting animes this season, and that while I’ve yet to see them – IT does not matter. This is the series of the season. Honestly guys I was fine with Lupin, I watch most of the original series and a few movies and it was fine the way it was, the thought of someone doing whatever was done here was not something I felt needed to happen. Having seen it? Holy balls I need this in my veins. This is essentially a love letter to all fans of ol’ anime with enough meat on the bones to attract newbies. All I can say is that if you are turned of by the art, the new direction, the oddly numerous tits exposure – please fuck off as I simply could not care if you existed.

Date Added: 04/05/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Medaka Box

Subtitle: The “You put Kamina in anime, but he’s not pwning noobs – this is a problem Gainax” anime

medaka

Summary: Because why ponder existential crises, we can go to a school where I show more cleavage than some naked women. Wait she’s every role? That’s gotta suck for the other people running. And then she stripped as it was the best strategy to win. She’s got you by the short hairs, which incidentally you can probably see hers. Seriously like where do they keep putting these small town campuses. Kamina? ROH ROH FIGHT THE POWER! You see if this was my anime this dude would win because this pretentious bitch just decided to show up and ruin things. Whut. Is this a metaphor? Oh she’s Haruhi. And you failed. Okay? Whut, that’s not how it works. Lol. NOPE. I learned from the school of Touma-The-Face-Puncher. Lol.

Review: Seriously Gainax – this is what you’re doing? I mean sure I suppose you think you can bring something to the student council formula, but honestly I doubt it’s anything beyond Gainaxing (means tits bouncing asynchronously.) I said in first impression that with a time machine I’d go back and abolish student councils (also kill Thomas Edison, but unrelated), and you know what having watched it? I still feel that way. Seriously why are you doing this? is it for money, a quick cash grab to fund the next project? Because not going to lie if you guys just made a kickstarter with the promise of doing something on the level TTGL, or P&Sw/G than I’m pretty sure you’d get a lot of the monies.

Date Added: -4/05/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Naruto SD: Rock Lee no Seishun Full-Power Ninden

Subtitle: The “Nope.avi” anime

gundamsd

Summary: Nope I just can’t deal with this.

Review: Couldn’t even get past the intro, I’m sorry but there’s just no way I can justify watching this. I mean if it’s something awful sure I can remind myself that hey, I need to be sure. This though falls under my sequel rule, but goes a step further. I just can’t fathom why I and for that matter anyone would watch this.

Date Added: 04/04/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Natsuiro no Kiseki

Subtitle: The “In my day magic rocks was something you ate at parties” anime

natsuiro

Summary: Damn your mom is hot. She got a boyfriend and she has no time to do anything but bone him. What a cunt. Wait you mean pop idols don’t stay popular. Ahh that explains it. Still though you could be slightly mature and actually you know say something to your friends instead of being a cunt. Stupid people. It’s 3 years jeez. HOLY SHIT THE SKY IS BLUE. Suddenly, magic. Guys did we just have a bad trip.

Review: I bet the writers behind this think they’re so fucken clever, they probably thought to themselves, hey how about we set it up as a normal anime, but in the last minute we show that it’s not normal – people will be so intrigued that they have to keep watching. Dear writers, foad. P.S foad stands for FUCK OFF AND DIE. Honestly I haven’t seen something this blatantly awful since Asatte no Houkou, and I had hoped that was the last of this ilk. Sadly though life hates me like a red-headed stepchild and here I must sit.

Date Added: 04/07/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Nazo no Kanojo X / Mysterious Girlfriend X

Subtitle: The “It would be a lot cuter if it didn’t involve so much drool” anime

mysteriousgirlfriendx

Summary: Lol the imagery. BIG O! BIG O! BIG O! BIG OOOOO-OOO-OOO-OO-OOOOO! Why is that seat empty? FACEPLANT. Ok? OKAAYYY? DO IT! Puberty commands you. Cue Satoshi Kon movie? Star Mars! Lol. She got you! Gross. It’s a legitimate question considering. And lovesick. And there’s the scissors. Hopeless. Lol come at me bro. Destroying pictures it’s how you prove your love. Vomiting is how you reciprocate. Good we’re both virgins. I’m fated to do you.

Review: It’s funny how reviewing this I can see how the series seems very risqué what with the bodily fluids and all. Having read the manga though it’s one of the most adorable and frankly chaste love stories I know. Albeit a bit gross and weird but that’s okay. Now I’m going to be watching this, I’m going to enjoy it – and for those who would like a coming of age romance I urge you to sign the hell up, but I can safely say that I highly doubt this is for most people. Which is sad in its own right.

Date Added: 04/09/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Ozma

Subtitle: The “The glowing blue thing behind you is the weakpoint.” anime

ozuma

Summary: Pretty sure it’s just a bunch hydrogen. No way do you realize how much ocean there is? If it dried up – we died. Hell that doesn’t even work the water literally has to go somewhere. This is like 2nd grade science. Like if you want sand people with lightspeeders just say so. Sandwhale? Tremors? Whoa, how did that guy get out of a Gundam anime? Spoiler alert, when the sand whale things about to pop up throw on some Shadow of the Colossus OST (Counterattack) it works too well. BOOZE, and more Booze? Okay that is a women. The mustaches in this anime are just redonkulous.

Review: Eh. I mean if this came out 15 years ago I could see it becoming massively well known and liked, but the problem is that it’s just not really that great. And before you get all “you’re just a cynic who doesn’t like the old style art and just wants to suck down KyoAni for every series” remember that my top 3 anime are all alternative artstyles, and that I loved the HELL out of Casshern Sins and consider it probably one of the better series in the last half-decade.

Date Added: 03/16/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Phi Brain: Kami no Puzzle S2

Subtitle: The “Oh great another long shounen that shouldn’t be” anime

phibrain

Summary: Wow they really are just playing with their food. Derp. Peace! I’m so freakin comatose right now man. OH crap you know the bastards crazy when he starts talking to mama, and his mother is not even near him or possibly alive. There’s a bomb on the bus, and you have to figure out how to keep the speed at 65mph? Yo that’s just straight up terrorism. I’m a rapist. Pretty sure he cared a lot. This really really is dumb and it just feels so tacked on.

Review: Guys I watched the first series of this, was it great? Not really. Wasn’t awful, wasn’t really boring it was just mid-tier. When I heard they were doign a second season I got worried, and having seen it – I was right to be. It seems Phi Brain which totally could have been a 13 ep series but dragged to 26 is staying for more, and that’s a bad thing. No this seems to be setting itself up for a long shounen series – I mean c’mon before Phi Brain was this “unobtainable thing” and now there’s an order of them? Honestly if your invested in this series (which really? really?) I’d jump ship as soon as possible.

Date Added: 04/10/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Queen’s Blade S3 Rebellion

Subtitle: The “Dammit even Japan suffers from bad-sequel-naming-itis” anime

queensblade

Summary: God I need to be drunker for this. Mouretsu Pirates in 5 years? Why does the skeleton pirate still have dreads? There is starfish on her tits. Robot, robot rock. But can you defeat the Rancour? Then he shocker her tits for no reason. I don’t even. There are literally no words, just GODDAMMIT. BIG O SHOWTIME! WHUT? That’s supposed to be “an opening” dear fansubbers I shouldn’t be doing your job. They can’t fight but they need to fight man.

Review: How do I begin? I’m sure your all aware what Queen’s Blade is, and I’m sure you’ve formed your own opinion. I’m even sure that out there someone enjoys this anime 0 thinking to himself meh it’s not so bad at least there’s tits and stuff. This personally obviously is unaware that there is anime pron – or thinks such thing is gross (I know the irony of watching Queen’s blade is lost on him.) Oh wait a second, if you just want some tits, doesn’t the new Lupin have that as well as a good story? Shit yeah it does. This has no leg to stand on then does it? DOES IT? BECAUSE IF YOU JUST SAID YES THAN DO ME THE HONOR OF TAKING YOUR TESTICLES AND SHOVING THEM INTO A BLENDER.

Date Added: 04/07/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Recorder to Randoseru Re

Subtitle: The “Do they even do Recorder stuff anymore or did standardized testing take that away” anime

recorder

Summary: And the gags have not changed, glad I did not watch first series. Chipmunk? And that’s it. Seriously it’s a 3 minute series and not a single second is actually worth a damn.

Review: Honestly when I tell you that something that is 3 minutes is simply not worth your time, I want you to take me seriously. You want 3 minutes of content? Go click on random videos on youtube. Honestly I don’t care how many RickRoll remixes you get because it’s still more entertaining than this,

Date Added: 04/07/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Saint Seiya Omega

Subtitle: The “Should have stayed in the past.” anime

saint seiya

Summary: Please just be Casshern. That’s no moon. I am made of gold. Masochist? LOVE AND PEACE, LOVE AND PEACE. Bleh whatever. GOHAN STAY, GOHAN GO. Focus. Bleh. Even the fight scenes are boring. Powerup time.

Review: From the short description you probably think that I gave up, but in reality I didn’t. The problem was that there was nothing interesting going on. This thing almost put me to sleep. I mean I’m sure they may be some old anime-fags who are hype for this, but all I see is a male centric Sailor Moon, that quite frankly I’ve grown jaded enough to not care for.

Date Added: 04/04/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Sakamichi no Apollon

Subtitle: The “Please just be Nodame” anime

sakamichi

Summary: Kids on the slope? I forget what drug is that? Nodame part 2? Lol the skirt length, you know it’s the past. Shot down. Douchebags. Whut? Fightin’ time. LOLOLOLOL. I threw it on the ground! Okay is this a music anime or are they just messing? Hmm I guess it will be. Jazz is where it’s at. LOLOL. Shit’s magic. She wants my piano playing. LOLOLOL. OH SNAP! Records. Damn he’s good. Aha I see what they’re doing. Lol Jazz can do that. Alright I’m a fan.

Review: I’m not going to lie I have a major bonus for music animes, and now that does not mean idols and singing at ALL, but Nodame made me suffer through La Corda do Oro just because, but here I feel it could be good. I mean yes the hole polar opposites teaching each other to be a little but like they are to improve their life is overdone, but it’s refreshing enough in this context. Hopefully this plays out nicely and importantly has some real drama, because this doesn’t seem like  a series that can subsist on being light-hearted.

Date Added: 4/13/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Saki: Achiga-hen Episode of Side A

Subtitle: The “Haven’t you pained me enough Japan?” anime

saki

Summary: So they did a new Saki anime with the characters even more loli. OH it’s a prequel. Fuck this anime. Yes they’re kids, cue Japanese boners. I swear I never got the whole magic kind of thing they do with getting pieces and scores – it’s honestly like they forget that mahjong is still based in CHANCE. It’s impossible to have perfect knowledge at all – it’s not even like poker where you can count cards. MONTAGE. I get the feeling they’re ref. the 1st series yet I blocked that all out. A MONOCLE – REALLY? I. JUST. DON’T. CARE.

Review: I actually like Mahjong which is why I hate that this anime is – in my mind –ruining it for any anime fan as they will be assumed to be fans of the game from this. Honestly I have no idea why people would enjoy this. It’s a boring anime where the main draw seems to be little girls playing a game.

Date Added: 04/09/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Sankarea

Subtitle: The “How did I end up recommending necrophilia?” anime

sankarea

Summary: Oh great a catboy, and, people yell into wells. She is kinda wearing the same clothes. A waste, what were – ZOMBIE ROMANCE? WHAT THE FUCK? AHAHAHAHAHAH SHAUN OF THE DEAD. ZOMBIE FETISH? ZOMBIE FETISH? JAPAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING? SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK. Oh man dementia. Man that sucks. It’s the necrocomicon. It’s like Fullmetal except with a cat, and he wants to do her. Wiat so that’s just his hair. You’re out now? Embarrassed to hell. She blushes easily. Shi- he’s crazy. Whut. HOLY SHIT.

Review: Okay here’s an odd moment, because my only issue with series is that his haircut makes him look like a catboy – which due to repressed memories of LoveLess causes me to be apprehensive. Yet here I am recommending it, knowing full well that the protagonist wants to do it with zombies. Unfortunately while it lacks the animation prowess of Shaft (though it ain’t shabby) I can;t help but like it, and to be honest fans of Bakemonogatari will most likely enjoy this as well. It’s a little less on comedy but the character interactions and moments of drama are done well enough to be enjoyable. Let’s face it Lupin aside this is the only anime to have a heroine that I didn’t outright hate/could predict her next move. I know I must sound like a junkie getting high just because it has a little extra kick than my norm, but is that so bad?

Date Added: 04/07/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Sengoku Collection

Subtitle: The “ODA NOBUNAGA HAS NOT NOR NEVER WILL HAVE TITS” anime

sengoku

Summary: I AM THE DRAGON, AND FIRE CANNOT HARM THE DRAGON. This is gonna suck. It’s like a kid in king arthur’s past – in reverse! Is it because she’s a woman, yeah that’s probably why, because it never happens EXCEPT IN ANIME AKA STOP DOING THIS. Bread isn’t nasty… You want him in your mouth? Plastic my one enemy. God could you be a more scared robber? No huevos. Lol, how is that a problem. Bonerzzzzzzz. Totally a twitter post. WHOA This guy was actually not single? Damn that’s new. YES THIS IS DOG! Coca Cola, it’s a lot like bukkake. Okay? There’s the plot. And let me guess she gets them all with his help and stays anyway because of lurve. Good I’ve seen the series technically, I can quit right?

Review: You want to know the single, and I mean single thing that surprised me about this whole show? That the main char with his emo looks and shut-in social anxiety at 1 time had a girlfriend. THAT and that alone is the only reason I can’t say this is a complete rehash of every single thing that Japan makes but needs to stop making. Now I know what your thinking, but isn’t a former GF not really that big a deal in the whole scheme of things? Too which I have 1 answer. EXACTLY.

Date Added: 04/05/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Shiba Inuko-san

Subtitle: The “There will be a joke about a tennis ball, and that is enough to ragequit life.” anime

shiba

Summary: You advertise the anime I have said is awful – not a strong moment. Also this encode is in 480p because it doesn’t deserve better. This is a 2 minute show with a joke that Nichijou and Cromartie have done much much better.

Review: No.

Date Added: 4/13/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Shining Hearts -Shiawase no Pan-

Subtitle: The “Is this an anime about bread or fantasy? No it’s an anime about boring” anime

UUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH

Summary: I have no idea why I’m here. Too many questions. Dumb. BREAD. PPPPHHHHHHHBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTT. Orphans. Well that partially makes sense for the clothes. Completely unnecessary catgirl. Hey director leg fetish much? Elves – wait that is actually a FFXI anime. Cool I get a pet. Wassup elf. Oh elves are douchebags. What’s the deal with the sky. Oh it’s a storm. LOL just realized they’re the powerpuff girls.

Review: I expected this to be horrendous and awful – I was wrong. It’s worse than that – it’s downright boring. Not slow – boring. In a series like this you can’t just stick a 2 second ending with “a storm is coming” and expect people to fall over in their seats in anticipation. Because frankly? You’ve given us fuck-all about anything else. The single point of any interest is why the main character lives in a ship, but honestly I couldn’t be bothered. And that’s the worst kind of series, because even series that are so bad they’re good, or so bad they’re BAD are better than boring drivel.

Date Added: 4/14/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Shirokuma Cafe (Polar Bear Cafe)

Subtitle: The “Proof that humans will want to watch things without humans pretending to be humans” anime

shirokuma

Summary: Seriously just talking pandas? Why do I get a feeling that this only works because they’re animals. WAIT THERE’S HUMANS?  God you suck at interviews. She looks really happy about vacuuming her son. THE CLICHÉ IT’S EVERYWHERE. Is this meant to be funny? … WHAT! And then he was hired anyway, or nope. Wait so they hire pandas for zoos? Guy wants some tuna.

Review: Honestly there’s no Coca Cola commercial – which oddly Sengoku had.. – and to be honest I have no idea why this exists. I mean it’s literally just for the juxtaposition of animals talking. Madagascar (the animated movie) is better than this because at least they had a reason for things to be happening, if this was just humans I wouldn’t even say no one would watch it – BECAUSE IT WOULDN’T EVEN EXIST.

Date Added: 04/05/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Space Brothers

Subtitle: The “SPPAAAAAAAA-DUHIWASGONNAMAKEAPORTAL2JOKE-AAAAACCCCEEEEEEE” anime

space brothers

Summary: Hahaha the headbutt. A THOUSAND METEORS. Royal rainbow? Aliens? Yhup aliens. In the year 2025 mankind blew up the moon. ANOTHER HEADBUTT. Yo he’s going crazy. GET A JOB. Lol once you Zidane someone you can’t get a job. Yo what’s with the panels? It’s the fry or the buttsex. Failure. Aliens. Whut? I’m going to Mars. Ahh man life is shit, I wanna go to space. The expression was paper. TO THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOOOOOON!

Review: At least this isn’t a snooze fest like Moonlit Mile, and to be honest I’d be okay with the drama series of 2 brothers trying to go to space, but aliens? I mean unless they become a central plot thing later on (and I don’t mean as a driving force for the chars) then it just seems kinda hokey. I mean who knows maybe the whole deal is they go to the moon and meet aliens and the series becomes about dealing with that, but it doesn’t feel like that’s where it’s headed.

Date Added: 04/04/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Tasogare Otome x Amnesia (Dusk Maiden)

Subtitle: The “The animation team must have giggled at being able to cheat half an ep.” anime

tasogare

Summary: What? They’re not supposed to start this far in? What about like the first 5 chapters? What are you doing anime? Ghost is right there lady. You’re doomed. Shi- did not think. I’m squeaky? Seriously this far in? Damn the clinging. BLOOD! Now to rewatch where we can actually see her. Depressing… Yank. Jealous time. LOLOLOL. Ghost antenna. Smile, smile! HAHAHHAAHA. My god the flirting, not even subtext. 2nd base. Hahha.

Review: Now besides the fact that they did things a little out of order – which if they don’t flashback wtf. I assume this was a move to make the anime seem “safer” as an investment. I don’t know why they do this because the first few chapters really grabbed me, and to be honest that’s kind of what you want in a first ep. EIther way though the art and animation seem top notch – the comedy is handled well enough – let’s hope this doesn’t get censored later on as things get darker.

Date Added: 04/10/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Tsuritama

Subtitle: The “FINALLY, I have a new Penguindrum” anime

tsuritama

Summary: Alright I have hopes for you, don’t disappoint me. Katamari Royal Rainbow! HE’S EVEN GOT THE HEAD, oh it’s a bag. OH GOD THE FISH. Why are you carrying that fish. Play spot the ginger. OH GOD I’m drowning. How did I get outside? That is all your things. I like the art. MONTAGE! Nice balance. Sweet view. HI! Lol. Wait. Hold on he has a goose named Tapioca, and he’s wearing a turban. I don’t even. Dat face. SOCIALLY AWKWARD. LOLOL. You are now less weird. WHUAT? He’s like a dog. I guess it’s about fishing. LOL. Nice job. I wish I was old and could just accept whatever. They’re actually gonna save the world?

Review: I haven’t been this excited since Penguindrum or Denpa Onna, and considering how those 2 series turned out in the end this really is a 50/50 shot. I was hopeful for this series, and it did not disappoint I hope and I mean sincerely hope it can keep the momentum up and be consistently good. Do I except it to be? No, but then again you try doing this season after season and not be cynical.

Date Added: 4/13/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Upotte!

Subtitle: The “This is what they use as Exhibit A. that anime is destroying mankind” anime

ihateeverything

Summary: GUYS THIS IS HETALIA BUT WITH GIRLS. I. AM. NOT. OKAY. WITH. ANY. OF. THIS. What a douchebag. Double-douchebag. Oh I get it, because you’re actually a gun this makes you hawt. REALLY? What? Seriously we can see his eyes? What’s with the shadowing? Is there like a nazi symbol there? Thong? HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. I think the same thing. I am getting dumber by the frame. You cannot be seriously doing this. NO THAT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. You’re the one grinding the bat. Really? America is the one taking breaks – how about all of Europe with their month long vacations, racist Japanese. And they make the same joke twice.

Review: I’m pretty sure I’ve made it very clear that this series is so mind numbingly angering that I can barely fathom words. To accurately make you understand my hatred – once they started going the Hetalia route I whipped my phone at the wall. Guys my phone didn’t even do anything – It didn’t deserve this, but then again anime doesn’t deserve Upotte either. In the words of Adam Jensen “I never asked for this.” And I never, ever, will.

Date Added: 04/09/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Yurumates

Subtitle: The “Hidamari Sketch: Budget Edition” anime

yurumates

Summary: 19, yet look 6. Just because you run some transformers doesn’t mean shit. So it’s an actual anime, just 3 minutes. HAHAHA knifes, there for use when in trouble. WHY ARE YOU HOLDING THAT KNIFE. ARE YOU GOING TO KILL THOSE DRUNK PEOPLE?

Review: I’m pretty sure this is exactly what Hidamari Sketch would look like if it was made on a budget, and by people who are too busy shoving needles in their fingertips. Now I know what your thinking, but some people don’t even like Hidamari Sketch, hell some say the Shaft animation is the only thing carrying the show above water. And you are exactly right, and turns out taking away that safety net and it falls like a brick. Shutup I don’t need to be creative, bricks fall pretty fast dammit.

Date Added: 04/07/12

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Name: Zetman

Subtitle: The “CRAB PEOPLE, CRAB PEOPLE” anime

zetman

Summary: Underground bug fights? Weird lobster cockroach thing. Tired of your shit. JUSTICE! Ah man then KISS showed up. THERE’S THE CENSOR FLARE. Why is the driver part of this investigation. Heroman? AHAHAHAHAHHAHA. Nice. Then the animation happened. Dat face. And by next level he means do you in the butt. Everybody you love is dead! Whoa doctor with no morals. Called it, striperella. Milf time. Ahh god, kids dealing with death – my freakin heartstrings. Damn not her too. Damn gurl. Dammit. Lizard man. Super saiyan. Damn. Well apparently he’ll grow up quick.

Review: This was my first review of the night (I go up down in random order to decide), and I was very sad about it after I finished, because I knew the following wouldn’t be as good. Now that doesn’t mean I’m recommending it. From the direction it seems to be going I expect this to be about govt. stuff and the alien bugs things and it’s just a series of fights – nothing deep here. Then again though the fights are really well done, and to be honest that’s all I really needed. Sure I’m disappointed about the censors a bit because white glares and half black screens seem dumb, but I’m okay with this.

Date Added: 04/04/12

===============================================

Final Thoughts: There’s a lot of things this season, but not really much left to replace some of the great things that have ended recently. Eureka Seven AO just seems like a cash grab (although a better one than Fate Zero) Zetman, Jormungand and Sankarea could go either way. I do have to say this though – watch Lupin the Third, watch Tsuritama. Check out Nazo no Kanojo and Tasogare – I know these get good. As for me I’ll be watching Space Bros, and Sakamachi, but I can understand why these wouldn’t be everyones cup of tea.

As for me – I have a confession to make. Normally with a 40 series season  watch about 35 series, but I’ve culled it too 14. Part of this is due to my job, but honestly most of it comes from just being so tired with the shit that keeps coming out. Sure the industry isn’t dead and good stuff does come out, but I think my watching it all just for the sake of having seen it all is over. This scares me, because simply put I am the Anime, but without the anime what have I become?

My sweetest friend.

YHUP, just did that for the joke, but I’m drunk from reviews and finishing off the last season so DEAL WITH IT.

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>