Quick grab a futon mattress, 3 gallons of blood, and a flowery picture frame border, because here it goes. Hello everyone you’ve heard from me recently and prolifically (Nerdfit is now all about Booze Reviews – which is all according to keikaku), but I haven’t had much about anime. The last two weeks we’ve been binging on Katsu Curry, Gyu Don, Homemade Ramen, Dumplings, and the new anime season.

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Now the reviews this time were watched by nearly all of us at What’s Nu in Animu, but as always the reviews/summaries haven’t changed much. Now since this season we have ~35 series to talk about rather than splitting things up, and to stop the onslaught of text… these reviews… are different. It has pictures “gasp”. I know a lot of other anime sites rely heavily on pictures, but why not mine? Well I always felt like sometimes people would see a picture judge it instantly and not bother to read about it. (Editor’s Note: I’ve since added pictures to all old reviews)

As such to break up the Berlin Wall of text I’ll include pictures anyway. I will however be tracking your eyeballs and scroll speed, and if you don’t read the summaries because the picture looks meh terrible things will happen. Terrible tentacle-fist related things. Also further note all images are from MyAnimeList.net it’s a pretty great site for keeping track of  a new season and it has a bunch of other stuff going on as well.

So without further ado let’s move on. Everything is sorted in alphabetical order to be fair (Also easy).

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Name: [C] The Money of Soul and Possibility Control

Subtitle: The “Alice in Wonderland – in SPACE – CYBERSPACE!” anime

cmoneysoul

Summary: Oh man he’s out of money. Pin code 666, wait the ring? Car summoning? Oh man he got up to 88mph. Money is weird. Flash. Money glass. Wait they can summon digimon? Actually more Persona apparently. STABBED. Gotta run to the right. MAN XENOPHOBIA. I LOVE IT. Suicide flags! And you rape children.. Friend zoned. And the mad hatter shows up. Hello I’m from a bank. Holy shit. Dammit now you’re in purgatory. Yes, booze, it makes the most compelling argument. And it steals your soul. SHIT WAKING DREAMS. Surprise 5000 dollars, best to report it. AND NOW THEY GOT YOU. WHAT. We give you money, we get your future.

Review: This looks interesting. No it really does, no lies, if, ands, or buts here. I have no idea where it’s going. I’m willing to continue watching to find out though. I can’t be sure if I recommend this series yet though.

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Name: 30-sai no Hoken Taiiku

Subtitle: The “And now a short, teaching Japan which hole to stick it in” anime

30sai

Summary: Wut… God of sex? God I hate everything. JESUS FUCK YOU’RE SCARY. Breast pad mouse pads. It’ll explode? BREASTS IS JUSTICE. LOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL Eat shit. Butt vacuum.

Review: Because Japan’s birthrate is declining faster than my sobriety they have released an anime “teaching” thirty year old men how to have sex. Now at first this isn’t explicit it’s more like how to talk to girls; however because Japan is sterile I assume later on diagrams will be provided on how to do the nasty. If you’re looking for a review after hearing this I don’t know what to tell you. If you watch it and think it’s funny because it’s true than enjoy. If you’re like most people please just go watch something else, this isn’t even the best short this season.

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Name: A Channel

Subtitle: The “I liked it better when clumsy girls got hit by a bus and took over the world” anime

achannel

Summary: FUCK she’s got a bat. What a slut. HIT HER! Oh she’s chasing guys away, what a lesbian. I’m getting a lucky star feel here. Pet the lesbian. Oh shit she’s mentally retarded. Very pretty scenery. This < Nichijou. What, and then lesbians, and everyone was watching. SHES SO RETARDED! This show is lagging my pc it’s so retarded. She’s dumber than a parakeet. Wait she eats parakeets. Shoryuken! AND NOW SHE DIES. DERP OH GOD SHE’S GOT A KNIFE. SHE COULD KILL SOMEONE. We’re all lesbians we get together and fuck, wanna join?

Review: God that chick is dumb. Seriously if you or anyone you know almost falls off a two story building because they’re chasing a butterfly get them some help. This isn’t normal. Please I’m being serious here because your friend is in danger. Anyway this isn’t nearly as funny as Nichijou and I’d like to think nobody needs two slice of life series involving schoolgirls in one season. So lesbian loli undertones aside make the right choice – watch Nichijou.

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Name:  Ano Hi Mita Hana no Namae wo Bokutachi wa Mada Shiranai

Subtitle: The “Award for longest name in both the Japanese and English categories” anime

anohimita

Summary: Gears of war mixed with Digimon. Recessive genes. Women can’t play video games. So much people talking… And she sits on your lap and grinds you. Oh she’s a ghost. Heracross. Ahh she died. Got groped by a ghost, byo-yo-yoing. Oh man people from his childhood grew up to be rotten bitches. OH NO WATCH OUT HE’S A HIPSTER. Hey can you see this girl, she’s pretty obscure. Whoa super long arm… You’re crazy… And then I get pissed off!  SUPER PEACE BUSTERS! What a little bitch. Don’t chase the ghost! SCREAM! There’s just a hobo there. FUSION PROGLIDE.

Review: Seriously the name in English is “AnoHana, We Still Don`t Know the Name of the Flower We Saw That Day.” That’s a name the publisher/editor says “Well that’s nice, how about we shorten the name? Okay? Something that you know isn’t retardedly long? As for the anime it’s kind of meh, it’s about this group of kids who knew each other. The protagonist though sees this chick who died from his childhood so I’m expecting a coming of age thing with him getting over it.

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Name: Ao no Exorcist

Subtitle: The “Hellsing rejects, and the SPAWN OF SATAN!” anime

aonoexorcist

Summary: Burst into flames, gotta chant faster. Cage match! John Woo film. The blue exorcist, so is he depressed or just a smurf? Choke hold. And he yelled at the propane heater and blew it up. Lazy bum who just fights people, and saves pigeons. Woah that was quick. And then he hangs himself with a tie. Lol that face. You idiot. MY GAWD. DESTROYED. Explode. So he can cook. Great english. Wind change. Fucken demons. Man how’d she bleed? He covered her? Ahh fired. Wut! Damn demons be bullying you at night. Giant chest of death. The seal is broken oh shit. Tiny cat snow? Holy shit, he’s a demon. You are the HUMAN TORCH. Astaroth oh man watch out. SATAN! And the priest enters, the music begins, time for some fight scenes. Well he didn’t stab him, so no Anderson. You’re the spawn of satan, damn. Boy bands, and speed car.

Review: This actually looks like a fairly decent shounen series. It looks solid, but it doesn’t like exemplary. I’m going to go out on a limb and predict that this will be fairly good, but overall be ignorable.

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Name: Astarotte’s Toy

Subtitle: The “UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” anime

astarotte

Caption: Why I don’t believe in god

Summary: FUCKEN DRAGON. Giant elf tits. SHE’S IN TWO FUCKEN SERIES. WHY ISN’T SHE DEAD I MUST FIREBOMB RIE KUGIMIYA. THERE WAS ALREADY HIDAN NO ARIA WITH HER. THIS IS AWFUL. UUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. THE WORLD IS JACKASSES. And then lee admitted he wanted to fuck a char from Tsukaima. LIFESEED? She needs to suck dicks. Wow. I HATE EVERYTHING. UGH. THE WORLD TREE WHAT A TWIST. Cue Benny Hill theme. Reached halfway and I’m already SO FUCKEN ANGRY. Harry potter? HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. WHY DOES SHE HAVE A WHIP. RIGHT IN THE FACE. Jesus that’s a lot.

Review: HHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG Shutup, just shutup. Nothing is okay. I hate all of you. Everyone is fired.

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Name: Battle Girls Time Paradox

Subtitle: The “Koihime Musou, but in old Japan this time!” Anime

sengoku

Summary: Wow… and I’m drinking. All the lesbians, GRAY PEOPLE. Punch to the nose! Oh man this teacher is conniving. And then everyone else started drinking. And I’m already predicting things I KNOW WILL HAPPEN. Battle Royale for praying to god? Yo follow the mysterious blue light. KAGOME! INUYASHA! KAGOME! INUYASHA! OH NO IT’S LU BU! Tits. And then she got pregnant and became her own ancestor hence the PARADOX! Feel with your left boob! So much pedophile lesbian bonerzzz. And by useful we mean sex slave, or find armor. The DOG talks?

Review: If I could kill one series this season it be Astarotte’s Toy. I would however try and get that massive meteorite like fireball to take out Battle Girls as well. I rate Qwaser 2 above this series and would watch all of that season before I’d watch another 5 minutes of this.

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Name: Deadman Wonderland

Subtitle: The “FUCK YEAH.” anime

deadman

Summary: There is no summary because watching this was more important than me writing shit.

Review: The manga for this is so fucking good, and so far the anime is not disappointing. We are so collectively hype for this shit, it’s unreal. I cannot stress how much I recommend this. You can forget everything else if you watch just this, and that’d be fine.

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Name: Denpa Onna to Seishun Otoko

Subtitle: The “Domestic abuse and aliens” anime

denpa

Summary: Morse code sent out to the world, she’s wrapped in a mattress. OH IT’S SHAFT. YUS. LIGHTNING BOLTS. THAT UMBRELLA WON”T HELP. At least it’s self aware, no excuse though.  He is just planning to do everyone, and have a good time. SHI- DO IT, have sex with your aunt. TIME SALE, we sell time. Pretty good looking for 39. Oh there’s a bunch of aliens, man they’re crazy, JUST LIKE FLORIDA YES FULL OF CRAZY people, Nice house. And she’s still hog tied in a mattress. Toes confirm it’s alive. WTF JOKER FACE. TAKE IT. She’s really starting to creep me out. HAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA YES. Don’t care about food, what is this, KNEECAPPED. CAUGHT. Ahh it’s a turtle. Worst parent ever. STOOL FLIP. YES! BIG SWING. EAT SHIT. And domestic abuse. Ooo stars. BUGS IN THE BRAKES. Ascii map ftw. THE UNIVERSE IS GETTING ITS VECTORS WRONG. Money drop? WUT! She’s a worm. This is the cops, WTF? Wait now for real. POP A WHEELIE. ET THAT SHIT. Yo, how is that bike standing. OH SHIT. I’m an alien! Raped.  No magnetic field? YES. LOL the song is so cute and it fits. Miyazaki alien ships? Current puberty points -10. I SEE, that’s what he’s scoring fantastic.

Review: You see I’ve been saying how disappointed I am with Shaft lately and they come out with this and Maria Holic. I can almost hear them cry from Japan, suck it John we have great anime. And yes, yes they do. Every part of this is fantastic, the premise, characters, storyline, art, and even the music is good. This is Shaft at its finest, this is why Arakawa and Bakemonogatari were great series. The happy times have thankfully come again.

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Name: Dog Days

Subtitle: The “Wait there’s more Tsukaima ripoff’s this season?” anime

dogdays

Summary: They’re just combining names. Oh man they all have cat ears. Oh man let me guess they summon the hero from the regular world. YHUUP. This is Zero no Tsukaima without Rie Kugimiya so yeah little bit better. Ninja Warrior from Spike TV? Dog with a knife? Knife to the crotch! Fireworks attacks! Fucken chocobos.. Wow. This series should be sued for how derivative it is. Oh so it’s a fake war. When they get stabbed they turn into cat spheres? Eat shit! Oh thank god it’s over.

Review: Honestly this is so bland and so mediocre-ly unwatchable that I don’t even want to comment on it. Keep calm, move on.

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Name: Dororon Enma-kun Meramera

Subtitle: The “Disgaea from 10 years ago” anime

enmakun

Summary: Wait paprika and colors. You are unconscious yet still able to cover your tits? MERA MERA MERA MERA. Burn everything. WTF SHE IS SPINNING HER TITS, WTFUCK. Spy with fish. NO FACE DEMON. The music is just so bizarre. A kappa… Yes follow the demon into a dark basement. The princess is showering in pixie dust, or ice. Hell house where the furniture wiggles. And now she gets lit on fire, then iced, then fire. FYI we just keep thinking Laharl. For a reason. And she sits on a fridge. WTF, shoujo eyes all over the place, suddenly their 20? America, also I need to drink more. Those eyebrows. Lol. Self-comebacks everywhere. Destroyed. Eat shit. PENIS ATTACK. TAKE IT. FIREHAMMER!

Review: A monster has a penis attack, and the protagonist destroys his penis with a hammer. This is not a hentai, and there is no gore. I don’t need to tell you this is a fairly lulzy comedy, because the words Penis Attack! is used.

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Name: Fireball Charming

Subtitle: The “Japanese Pixar Robot Shorts Funtime” Anime

fireball

Summary: Ant’s Totally Dock. Lol Fairy tales. Bodily fluids and chocolate. BIG DADDY Appears, wtf Disney

Review: This is a 2 minute anime on Disney that’s mostly just some random conversation with mechs. It’s short, it’s sweet, and there’s generally nothing wrong with it.

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Name: Hanasaku Iroha

Subtitle: The “Deadbeat Mother vs. Abusive Grandmother” Anime

hanasaku

Summary: Oh fuck she’s not your kid and she’s got a knife! Storks < Cabbage. Use a spoon, ahh it’s the other kind. Chicken crossing the road race? Boring…  All parents run away without their kids. Wow props for having some balls. And then she got date raped by an old woman. Chicky japanese guitar music? Love Hina? Lesbians, nope die. Lesbian Love Hina. Bucket. Butt. And you snapped her spine. Rape! Sloppy va-jay-jay. Moldy drama. And you rape children. Super low tier. Three shots, eat shit. Die AGAIN!

Review: I don’t know how I feel about Hanasaku. It’s nice, the story seems fairly decent, the characters are good, the art’s pretty, and I’m genuinely curious about what happens. I suppose the failing of this “Slice of Life” anime is that I have no idea where it’s going. I say its slice of life because it feels like that, but it also has a lot of trappings and feeling of being a drama. I’d say watch it and see how it pans out.

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Name: Hen Zemi

Subtitle: The “JESUS CHRIST THE BEES!!!! THE BEES!!!” anime

henzemi

Summary: And he was never heard from again. Black Panty Shooter? Photography hipster. Hentai psychology society. You teach hentai. Demon teacher? He’s just staring at your ass. Lee just called this a joke sub, and was swiftly proven wrong. Demonstrate a fart for him… She owns the flies, wait she raised flies IN HER EAR! WTF! He wore diapers and just pissed himself all day… I need to be drunker. ET? Power of god! Wow she really wants some, and he’s hard. DESTROY IT! HE KNOWS ALL. OKAY…

Review: What is this? I don’t even- Whatever. This is bizarre, it’s crude, and hell parts of it are just plain wrong and disgusting. You know what though? At least it’s interesting, at least it isn’t awful, and at least JESUS CHRIST SHE HAS FLIES GROWING IN HER EARS! WHAT HAS THIS WORLD COME TO? WHAT MADE THIS OKAY? WHY IS THERE NO LONGER A THING CALLED HUMANITY!!

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Name: Hidan no Aria

Subtitle: The “Manga is better 100% less Rie Kugimiya” anime

hidan

Summary: Yo no brakes being followed by a segway with a semi-auto. Parachutes don’t work like that. Segway = destroyed also her hands = destroyed in reality. Damn I hate speed. TOMBSTONE. This is offensive on levels of being in England, and in terms of firearms. LALALLALALALALA BAMBA. Man she has sweet and sour pork for free lunch, man you should fuck her right now, forget the Rie Kugimiya character. She also has tits, and black lingerie, that means fuck her. Here’s your Beretta btw. YES switchblade powers. JUSTICE! There’s a bomb on your bike btw. Oh shi- Face to flat tits. Lol no boner. Segway uzis are the worst. Activate super impossible badass mode. Yo don’t take shit from her.  And nothing was surprising, UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH And AWFUL.

Review: I’ve read a few chapters of this. It was kind of funny because the main char was a douche. Then I realized it would be made into an anime. An anime that has a loli-tsundere, this one even had pigtails. The seeds of sorrow were sown. When me and Lee first realized this I thought no, no it can’t be possible. I left the room to check and the only thing Lee could hear were my screams. Rie Kugimiya must die.

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Name: Honto ni Atta! Reibai Sensei

Subtitle: The “Short better than some things this season combined.” anime

hontoreibai

Summary: Random llama? Random animals? And flash animation. And our teacher was from the ring. LOLOL. WTF? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. YES YES YES YES YES. Red haired kid is the best. This is just lulzy fantastic flash.

Review: It’s funny and worth a watch. Some people can’t deal with shorts, but if your not than pick this up.

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Name: Hoshizora e Kakaru Hashi

Subtitle: The “God hates me.” anime

shuffle

Pictured Above: Not Shuffle! at all

Summary: FWIENDS FOWEVA. FUCKEN GENDER AMBIQUITY. And we picked the harem anime. Oh yeah clean air! AMBIGOUS. She’s just got grass in that basket, wow they suck, got on the wrong bus. Random monkey. HAT MONKEY. WOW YOU SUCK. I love ape escape. What are you? People don’t climb trees like that. Yeah no way the bush wouldn’t have broken your limbs. No bear just random girl. You are shuffle characters the character. Derp. And he lands ON her. Yhup called it, oh it actually got to a kiss. Wow you are imitating Rie Kugimiya good job. It is a boy, damn I wasn’t sure yet you were. You called her old, you’re dead. He enters the bath, and she sees your penis. GENERIC.. And you have a tiny penis. And she’s in your class, and she smiles, at your tiny penis.

Review: This anime made me drink more than any other here. Also apparently the second episode has shota nipples, and everyone loves this fact. God hates me, and I hate everything.

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Name: Hyouge Mono

Subtitle: The “Back then everybody be caring about teakettles” anime

hyouge

Summary: Old school period anime. I love japanese funk. Would you die for a teakettle? Nobunaga that doesn’t have boobs and isn’t in a generame. Wtf… What happened too don’t shoot the messenger. A teakettle is your very soul. And he doesn’t care about, just the kettle. Staredown. Yo he’s gonna take it by force. And he blows the kettle and himself up. Lol frisbee. And he hates his poem. I bring you a broken cover. And I’m depressed. Scratchin my balls, or masturbation? Fortress boat? And he cut you down. Okay… ok…

Review: This was mildly amusing, but I have no hopes for it, and I fully intend to be bored of it by episode 5. I’ll keep you updated, but again I doubt it.

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Name: Kampfer fur die Liebe

Subtitle: The “HAHAHAHAHAHAHA You thought this was actually happening” anime

kampfer

Summary: AND THEN WE QUIT.

Review: WE QUIT. WE WEREN’T FIRED. YOU’RE NOT MY SUPERVISOR!

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Name: Maria Holic: Alive

Subtitle: The “Step 1: Likes girls, Step 2: ????, Step 3: Raging Dyke” anime

maria

Summary: YES. Wtf cross dressing cosplay already? Brutal, fucken masochist. BEST OPENING SONG EVER. YOU HAVE NO CHANCE ANY ANIME OPENING THIS SEASON. YOU LOSE. THIS IS THE BEST. Blood rocket! Shaft I’m sorry I ever doubted you, I still want your babies. MOST EPIC JAM SPREAD EVER. And then god showed up. The parody is just so good. We just discussed how the art style is really goood, Matt: there’s like 16. Me: IKNORITE! RAGING DYKE. And then she had lockpicks. SHIT, and then she showed up to save everyone. Oh man dive into boiling water and not hate it. Lol. Yes! So much yes! It’s so epic when it shouldn’t be. Fricken fast treadmill? I’m literally laughing so much I can’t write it all because it’d take up too much room. And she’s been there the whole time. Lol. And she’s been there all along. LOL Emergency exit.

Review: God damn I needed this. With a lackluster Madoka, and an even blander Soredemo I was disappointed by Shaft – a company that I love more than any other. Now as we actually discussed on What’s Nu in Animu Shaft has never gotten a perfect 10 from me, but then again they never get below a 7 either. Now Maria Holic S1 was fan-freakin-gasm-tastic. It basically parodied all the shoujo ai school animes so well that it nearly gave meaning to the genre (Nearly). No doubt about it this is great comedy. I can only look forward to the following 11 weeks I get to enjoy this.

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Name: Moshidora

Subtitle: The “I can’t think of anything more boring than management and baseball” anime

moshidora

Summary: It’s about this chick who does management and helps a baseball team. And then baseball aka boring. Death by baseball, aww she caught it. I hate baseball too. Lesbian friend. Will is more interested in the table and it’s serial number than this anime. Man it’s like real baseball, so SLOOOOOWWWW. YOU SUCK! You’re done. Hit by pitch. COSMIC JUSTICE. And you lost. Man I’d rather be in that hospital than watching baseball. Man she’s so cocksure. You suck. Words are hard. Pretty sure integrity can be learned. Or she’s a lesbian. BORRRIIINNNNNGGGGG. Man this combines management and baseball I literally cannot think of anything more boring. The customer in baseball? Dumb fans. Now it’s not even animating.

Review: So goddamn boring. Like just so boring. So boring it bored my eyebrows off.

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Name: Nichijou

Subtitle: The “Azumanga + Cromartie = YES!” Anime

nichijou

Summary: Female mechazawa? WTF NUKE! Fucken gatling gun. And then she got brain damage. SALMON! Selamat pagi, yet no one cares. You’re on a roof. Robot, robot rock. Oh fuck she lost her arm. And now it’s a race can the dog catch the frisbee before I shoot it? Super saiyan chopsticks. Catcher’s mitt? OH shit. 3 second rule. Rock paper flowers. No one cares you’re bald. Way too intense. Yo this kid is super stoked to arrive on a goat. WTF HE JUST GOT SHOT! His minion has an old English wig. Lol this thankfully isn’t boring slice of life. WTF fire? DO IT! HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT. Helvetica Standard? I AM SO CONFUSED. And her toe comes off. And her thumb is a usb drive.

Review: I know Maria Holic S2 and Deadman Wonderland are the best things this season, but goddamn if Nichijou doesn’t give them a run for their money. This could be possibly the best slice of life comedy since the original Minami-ke, and even then I think I enjoy Nichijou the more I watch of it. If you’re not a fan of Shaft series than you’d better be watching this. Also what’s wrong with you?

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Name: Ore-Tachi [NAME MISSING]

Subtitle: The “Durarara + Generic + Funny Bar Scene = ??” Anime

oretachi

Summary: Butt and boobs already… Generic anime drinking game begins. And then incest. Drinking with chicks is not new – it’s how the world was created. See smoking is cool. Woah he can simultaneously summon and open doors. Networking hotties, that’s so nerdy. You suck at contraception. Real men bareback it. I hope the anime stays with these characters don’t go back to the kids from before. Drink moar! Side-peace. DIE! Go die in a hole bitch! Man Squall lives. Go little kid go, and keep out stripes. Yes japan is full of pedophiles. Monster in your pocket. Lightsaber! Amv Hell cuts? But no funny songs. Wut, from another world and your King. They end with that? Wtf?

Review: This a generic ripoff of Durarara. That means I have very little faith in it, and unless I rescind this statement in What’s Nu in Animu in the following weeks this anime isn’t worth your time.

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Name: Pretty Rhythm Aurora Dream

Subtitle: The “Some thing’s aren’t meant to be HD” anime.

auroradream

Summary: DO YOU WANNA DANCE WITH ME. Magical girls to ice skate? I’ve got a bad feeling about this anime, This anime the fansubbers said doesn’t deserve 720p. I agree with them so far. Matt: I did not make a strong enough drink for this anime, I’m drinking straight gin. No idols you’re taking over the cake show. WUTTTTTTTT STRAWBERRY. GHEY! If you were on ecstasy this show would be amazing. BOOOOORING. Welcome to the matrix. Also skanks. OH man her heart is fully charged time for cg. Listen to the voice of your costume? Worst scouting agent ever. So many drugs. And cg fruit. I understand why they said fuck 720p.

Review: I’m not going to review this. It doesn’t deserve it.

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Name: Seikon no Qwaser S2

Subtitle: The “Really? Was a second season of tits sucking super powers really needed” anime

qwaser

Summary: Yuri. Oh man shit quality or censors, choose your poison. And breast sucking. Oh he grew hair? And lee just wants to kill himself. So there in the college of boob sucking. Wait they made the main char into a crossdresser. This is not okay. OH MY GAWD KILL MY EYES. I hate everything. BREAST PERVERT! Then they got raped. Virtual boy? Wut… And he wanted tits. Visualize it harder. Kill her please.  Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbtttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt. And then armor. Kill me. And he sucks his own tits. Or not. Naked attack! Oh no, he’s your slave. His decree? Let me suck dem titties. RAPE. Rejected. Time to sexually harass the whole school. It’s over thank god. WHAT THE FUCK!

Review: I just can’t even do it anymore, there’s so much shit I’ve run out of things to say. So, SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT Is an accurate description of my feelings on the second season of this.

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Name: Sekai Hatsukoi

Subtitle: The “I’m not homophobic. I just don’t want to watch.” anime

sekaiichi

Summary: And we stopped watching because we knew exactly how it was going to go and while homosexuality is fine. I have no desire to watch it.

Review: As stated.

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Name: Showa Monogatari

Subtitle: The “Let’s watch a normal family, act normal, normally” anime

showa

Summary: Meet the family. And that kid is a kid, can’t stay up for new years, as the old guys drink. So calling this right now, boring. Oh man this is what it looks like today, now the old one, now animated, now with feeling. FOREVER ALONE. No hopes and dreams for you, you work for the family bitch. RAMPAGE! No money for you. GANGS! AND KIDNAPPERS. Japanese can’t play basketball. He’s a kidnapper! SHOVE! And now your together, INB4RAEP. Elitist Osakans. OH NO IT’S REALLY A KIDNAPPER THIS TIME. Take that sign. Porn shop time! He gonna kill you! HE’S GOT A SNAKE. This is through the mind of a kid, so that’s just how he remembers it. Hey I’m home, and very drunk, I mean not at all. SPINNING HIGH FIVE. So boring.

Review: Nothing really happens. This isn’t just slow, or boring, or uninteresting – it’s all three. It’s not bad or offensive just so slow and boring that you don’t care about.

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Name: SKET Dance

Subtitle: The “Can’t we have characters come together and not be in a random club?” Anime

sekt

Summary: Man that crowbar chick is gonna wreck you. Man lab coat guy doesn’t give a shit. WTF laptop fu man chu? Goggles kid? Creeper mute guy? She’s acidic, oh shit field hockey what a lesbian. Oh they’re not forcing him to join.. oh wait they are. Of course you’ll join you’re useless. BLOOD! Man that was a damn good shot. They get info by fear mongering. And he broke them up. TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL.  Hitler stash afro kid? Wtf mask? Fucken creeper. Sherlock Holmes goggles activated. Universe man, universe man. Oh shit, they got him. It was the transfer student? He’s bullied, I’m bored. And then she kicks their asses. Lol he joined basketball.

Review: This ultimately is just boring as hell. The characters are copy-pasta’d just like the plot, the “superpower”, hell everything. The only thing that makes this watchable is one of the side characters talks solely through a laptop and is a super creeper. In short there’s nothing here offensive other than the mediocrity.

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Name: Softennui

Subtitle: The “Prince of Tennis still would have sucked if they were lesbians” anime

softenni

Summary: Pitchfork golfing. Xebec is not a production company they’re an animation company. GO JAPAN! TAKE IT OFF. WHAT. She wants it, oh delusion dammit. BALLS! Put more effort into your hips. RAIL HER! I hate everything. AND THEN SHE WAS NAKED AND RAPED A TADPOLE! Aim for Wimbledon! WAT…. Our ability to predict voice actors is not okay. This may be a tennis anime in which no tennis is played. Tennis rape???? MILK THIEF. NEW BALLS ARE GREAT. Wait tentacle rape fantasy? And then she got felt up. Right in the head. TAKE IT! You suck. Cows don’t eat that, they eat vegetables. OH MY GOD THAT’S CREEPY.

Review: This is an anime with high school girls playing tennis. There are lesbian undertones, and very little tennis is played. If this series had something original or for that matter interesting going on I’d enjoy it more. You see what this has done? I DO NOT CARE ABOUT LESBIANS IN TENNIS SKIRTS. You would think that would be all anyone would need, but when you surrounded this fact in bleh anime it’s not worth it. Thank you anime – I fucken hate you.

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Name: Steins; Gate

Subtitle: The “I’m a mad scientist! Watch as I turn these bananas into gel!” Anime

steins

Summary: Wait Lain? A time machine? Wait it’s a time machine and she’ll travel with him as a companion, hmm. Death flags all over. DOCTOR! One field science, one group, the agency. He’s batshit insane. He’s just running around in a lab coat being crazy. Random screaming. BLOOD. Oh shit he’s a time traveling serial killer. Cue doctor who theme. She’s evil. Aliens. At least he knows he’s a crazy mad scientist. He’s a hacka. Cross between playa and hacker. Action pose. He’s blacking out, oh shit memory erasure. Fucken MiB. Oh she’s a hostage. Dr. Pepper for the intellectual chosen ones. Banana powered devices?  Green bananas. They’re in college? And time is all fucked up.

Review: This is another serious like Denpa, and Nichiou that is just really fun to watch, and really interesting. There’s a lot of shit this season but Steins Gate is not in that category. The character’s are great, the art’s solid, and the story is bizarre that I doubt this going downhill. (Spoiler from 2nd episode: It doesn’t)

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Name: The World God Only Knows S2

Subtitle: The “Mental Illness’s Harem” Anime

godonlyknows

Summary: Oh man rpg hero… NERD CORE. Man she’s riding a scythe. You suck at drawing, and now so do the animators. PUNCH HER. Gangs!  Parsley heads. And she’s super fast, also magic punk. Ignored. And I feel like drinking again. And she’s part of a dojo, and I’m drinking. YES KILL IT. Ahh dammit. Hurr. That’s not possible… And she’s in love with him. What the hell bad animation? Moist crackers. Mad pro at floor cleaning. And cat on your tits. And it pissed. DO IT. THROW IT. I’m pretty sure the cat’d be freaking out. SHE’S GONNA THROW IT! Or not. HOLY SHIT, she tried to throw it. OR WHAT! Oh man I guess it’s schizophrenia. Man tropical fish can’t poop. YES, She’s attacking nothing. Frills and boobs?

Review: Much like the first season this anime improved slightly on the harem anime formula for two reasons. A. The main character is not a super playboy (this doesn’t happen in anime anyway loljk Makoto), and he is not the character type of being completely fucken useless and somehow all the girls want his dick. No they shake it up by having him only want to play visual novels and “capture” 2d girls. He’s a jerk, and an asshole most of the time, but all around he’s just hilarious to watch. B. We started picturing the girls in the harem anime part of the show to all have some mental illness. Like Bipolar, or Autism, or right now Schizophrenia. I would actually recommend the first season of this and this as well if you agree with our reasons and keep them in mind while watching.

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Name: Tiger & Bunny

Subtitle: The “PEPSI NEXT!” anime

tigerbunny

Summary: Ok so they rate heroes for a game show? This is product placement the anime…. So gooood. Dollar sign glasses, so good. This is so campy. Suck it! Wait for the commercial to do hero stuff. Lol airship crashing and he wants the other guy. FREEZE RAY. Oh man he shot you! And she runs away like a bitch. Saved by an android? So much pepsi. Lol real pepsi commercial. I’m Iron man, eat it. Sponsors they make you heroes. And now they explain midichlorians. So gay. And you’re fired. Aww take it. Lol new suit. Lol.

Review: This is just pure lulzy camp. The power ranger like heroes, the product placement, and the fact that the whole cast is videotaped in a reality-show style hero thing is just funny. This isn’t a great series. It’s not even that good, but it makes up for that by being enjoyable. Which is something a lot of animes recently can’t claim.

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Name: Toriko

Subtitle: The “One Piece fanboy’s need to suck this shows dick.” Anime

toriko

Summary: And it starts off with a collaboration with One Piece. Meat trees! So much want. Cotton candy mushrooms, spaghetti grass? Obviously there’s a witch. And he eats him. My prey. Now he realizes it talks. Eyes don’t make that noise. GIANT BARBEQUE PIGS! HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. And now I fight and by fight I mean eat. Food investigator. Master of sauce. And then they ate a gator. Uni-Bears, wait this isn’t axe cop. Wing slap! DEMONS! Wut. Super saiyan? His arms become utensils? And they forget you. Roofie time? Evil koalas.

Review: I made sure to watch the actual first episode afterwards because this crossover was just awful. It was literally a collection of One Piece chars and Toriko chars faffing about admiring each other’s anime shounen penis. The actual anime is still a very meh One Piece like series that I’m not a fan of. There’s just nothing about this that seems interesting, and as such should be ignored.

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Name: X-Men

Subtitle: The “In other news at least Stan Lee can make something watchable” anime

xmen

Summary: And now the worst thing ever. Lol phoneix, fag cyclops. Thats not even a real cape. Yo why did you let her get five bars she’s glass normally you idiot. Man he’s ghey. MUTANTS! Wow they start with Jean grey dead. This is just not his voice. This red filter thing is annoying. Assassin mechs. Where did this guy come from Afro Samurai? SOMALI PIRATES WATCH OUT! Lololololol. Squid = human. FUCKEN TAKE IT. Squid commands you! Lol wolverine why would you even try to go through airport security? Lol motorcycle. Let’s just make up some japanese mutants. And now some boring bullshit. And though cyclops gets over some mopey shit, he’s still a bitch.

Review: Seriously? Why are you reading this? You should have seen it was X-Men and laughed. You should be skipping this and reading the closing remarks of what’s good. I’m not telling you how apocalyptically bad this is. It’s an X-Men anime. You know this. Sure yes it’s my job to educate you on the new season, but if you need my article’s to realize what a bad idea this  is go find something useful to do with your head. Like pulling it out of your ass.

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Closing Remarks:

Now obviously I require Deadman Wonderland, but I’m also recommending Maria Holic S2, Nichijou, Denpa Onna, and Steins Gate. Those are 5 I really think you should all be watching. Now if your like me, and are willing to take risks on series, than look at C (The Money/Soul Possibility Control), Ao no (Blue) Exorcist, Dororon Enma-Kun, Hanasaku, Hen Zemi, and Tiger & Bunny. Also for those that liked the first season because of derp-i-ness, The World God Only Knows S2 is worth a watch.

For those among you who enjoy the worst of the worst we got you covered too:

(Worst) Boring Category: Moshidora (Honorable Mention: Showa Monogatari)

(Worst) Fanservice Category: Seikon no Qwaser S2

(Worst) Unnecessary Category: X-Men

(Worst) Ripoff Category: Dog Days

(Worst) Just Kill Me Category: TIE! Astarotte’s Toy and Kampfer fur die Liebe

Well folks that’s all, until next season.

 

 

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