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Sadly our Mexican reviewer has gone mysteriously missing (something about Immigration officers and the sex offender’s list), leaving me the Buffalo to review this tequila. I’m not sure how I feel about this since most tequila’s just bring back memories of excessive vomiting. I always thought rum was a better way to not have memories. Nonetheless we have here a very – well it’s not very anything actually – besides being very middle of the line.
Now this is our first time reviewing a “reposado” tequila as opposed to silver. The difference is really down to how they’re aged with reposado having been aged in barrels for a few months. This however is in a different category altogether by being made from Blue Agave (Hence the Azul). This gives the tequila a more agave-y potent taste while not being overwhelmingly agave like some other tequilas.
Despite this though everything about this is either average or slightly above. What good points it does have it loses in a very big way. The pourer on this bottle is the spawn of health and safety men who have bred with morons deranged into thinking they can incorporate a pour spout into the bottle. What we receive is a bastard child of all bottle tops. I want to say this publicly – if your bottle has a metal cap – then you suck. Granted everything else about you may be able to overcome that fact, but please stop. I’m not saying every bottle should be corked – it doesn’t look right, but plastic caps are there for a reason. If your cap can’t be cracked open, re-screwed, and not drip when placed horizontally that’s shoddy workmanship.
That however doesn’t account for this monstrosity. Being a tequila the top part acts as a flame arrester, but lo and behold you can’t really “pour” it. If you turn it on it’s side or angle it to get some tequila you’ll be met with a tiny stream reminiscent of when you’re trying to get the last shakes of urine out. It won’t go, but yet it continues to drip. You have to jerk the bottle and get it kickstarted, at which point it starts pouring, but mostly spilling itself as you try to control the damn thing.
That dripping though is worth noting. Once you crack the bottle don’t bother trying to put it in a wine rack. The thing drips consistently and in greater volume than most metal capped booze’s. I had to transport this to the Lost Cosmonauts party for review and it was angled in my cooler to point up and wrapped in a towel with a rubber band around it. I actually put a soda bottle gasket in the gap (which helped a lot), yet still from jostling in the car the cloth still had tequila on it. I don’t care if this meant to aerate the liquor or pour better, the fact is that it feels cocked up.
An engineer thought this was good idea, a soon-to-be-dead-from-apple-corer engineer
Now I realize I’ve gone off on this spout, and most of you are probably wondering if I’m just bitter (I am), but while yes some say that taste, alcohol content, and presentation are really all you need, it’s not. Bottles are meant to be functional, they’re meant to properly store and pour the liquids in them. What we have here is a slightly above average tequila – ruined. Well my thoughts are clear, let’s see what they have to say.
“Tenampa is 100% Agave Reposado Tequila from the house of Gran Centenario – Our name derives from Blue Agave or Agave Azul. The tequila is rested in white oak barrels for a minimum of two months before being ready for bottling.”
No real wank at all, but then there’s not much they could have wanked about. Let’s move onto scores then
Taste: 6.33 – Above average, but still tequila. I liked the Blue Agave taste to it, but William disagrees.
Aftertaste: 6.17 – Again really just above average, less prevalent than taste though, but we enjoyed the warm feeling it gave.
Burn/Smooth: 5.33 – What a surprise it burns like tequila.
Aroma: 5 – Smells like tequila too.
Manliness: 6.33 – This one varied a bit because we were contrasting the fact that the bottle was very nice, the coloring was nice, no amount of wank at all. We felt it could get a 7-8, however because the pour spout is the dumbest thing invented by mankind it lost a whole point.
Tequila Sunrise: 7 – Actually makes a very good sunrise.
Value: 5.67 – Yes if you want tequila brand tequila for $21 this is okay, it’s not terrible. However for 4-5 more dollars you can get 1800 so you’d do that.
Google Shop Average: $21
William Henri Neve the IV: 5
Metric Score: 41.83/70 |+| Metric Average: 5.975 |+| Reviewer Average: 5.375
While the tequila has its good points, it’s really just a tequila. Better than Cuervo, but not 1800. We often say that some liquors shouldn’t be bought based on the bottle, but that’s usually because of appearance, not function.
Welcome!My name is John Andrews and this is my personal site. It's mostly about video games I've worked on. Feel free to download, play, and contact me about these games, or anything else - like giraffes.